


Phil and the Leather Tramp

by CanDanAndPhilNot (EnbyBeeGee)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - America, Anxiety, Drinking, Getting Together, Homeless Dan Howell, M/M, Marijuana, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Drugs, Rich Phil Lester, Road Trips, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-06-05 09:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15167903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnbyBeeGee/pseuds/CanDanAndPhilNot
Summary: Phil had always wanted to travel the world, so after he turns 18 and inherits his part of the Lester fortune, that's exactly what he does. After he has seen everything Europe has to offer he sets his sights on the United States, but a city in northern Colorado sucks him into it's rich culture. Boulder has it's hold on Phil and he can't seem to leave even after spending two years in his homey flat, that is until he meets a street traveler named Dan. Could this filthy, sarcastic, keyboard playing leather tramp give Phil a reason to leave, or will he be just another dirty kid passing through the life he's built at the base of the Rockies?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic I've ever posted and I'm super nervous! I've been writing on my phone so i apologize for any misspellings or typos. You can follow me on Tumblr under candanandphilnot to keep updated on this story. Let me know what you think :) Also I've traveled so a lot of events are based on my real life. 
> 
> (I respect Dan and Phil's privacy and in no way shape or form and i insinuating that they are in a romantic relationship. This is purely fiction.)
> 
> Traveler Lingo I use throughout the fic:
> 
> Yuppie: A person who lives a 'conventional' life (Goes to work, owns a home, doesn't question life) 
> 
> Busk(ing): Playing an instrument for money. 
> 
> Bliss: Literally could mean anything (Usually kitchenware though)
> 
>  
> 
> (May add more.)

"I'll need this cake for tomorrow at noon.”  
Phil resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the plump lady standing on the other side of the counter.

"Ma'am we need a 48-hour notice on all cake orders." Phil said looking up from the order sheet.

The lady pursed her lips and clicked her tongue, "Well it's not my fault they moved the day of the party and didn't tell me." She put a hand on her hip and made eye contact with him.

Phil sighed. He loved his job he really did, but people like this lady always stressed him out and gave him anxiety.

"Let me go ask our cake decorator and see if she can squeeze you in." He turned his back to her and made his way into the mess that was Betsy's Baked Goods.

Phil maneuvered his way through the racks of cookies and pies cooling and turned the corner to enter the small designated cake decorating Area. Fey was hunched over, piping bag in hand, as she embellished a three teird wedding cake, her face focused.

"Hey Fey."

Fey jerked in surprise making the border wave a bit,"God damnit Phil!" She looked up at him her green eyes connecting with his blue ones.

"Sorry! I thought you heard me come up!" He raised his hands in defense.

She smiled a bit and said,"That's okay. What's up?"

"So," he hesitated, "This lady wants to know if you can do a fourth sheet cake for tomorrow morning." He gave her a weak smile.

Fey groaned and pushed an icing stained hand through her bright red hair. She pulled out a clip board from under the counter and flipped through it, looking between the papers and the clock hung on the wall above her.

"Tell her I'll do it, but it's gonna be a simple ass cake."

"You know you're the best FeyFey," Phil gave her a real smile this time.

"Oh shove it Lester," she spat using her best British accent.

"Literally no British person speaks like that,"

She laughed, "No, that's exactly how you sound."

"If you weren't my best friend I would be highly offended," he couldn't be mad at Fey, she was actually a wonderful person. That freckled filled face was one of the many reasons he was still in Boulder Colorado. How could he leave the best friend he always wanted? "I really don't want to deal with this lady." He sighed.

"How's about this, if you go deal with this bitch I'll bring over pizza tonight, and we'll play Mario Kart."

"That sounds amazing! I have a couple beers in the fridge from last weekend. You should order from Pizzeria Locale, i love their pizza."

"I was actually thinking of getting from Audrey Jane's. Rent is due Monday. You know how it is," she said as she continued working on the cake in front of her.

"Yeah I do." //No I don't//. He hated lying to Fey but how could he bring that up in conversation?// I have no idea what paying rent is like because i have millions of pounds sitting in a bank thanks to my filthy rich grandparents lol.// He might be weathly but he wasn't an asshole.

Phil went back up to the front counter and swiftly finished up with the plump ladies order. There was a break in customers as usual around mid morning, so he went into the lobby and grabbed a hot coffee from the corrals.

Betsy's Bakery was such a wonderful place from the aesthetically pleasing white and mint green striped walls to the hypnotizing smells of various baked goods and coffee. He had stumbled upon this quaint shop the first day he arrived in Boulder and fell in love. So after two weeks of daily muffins and coffee he saw the fresh "help wanted" sign in the window, he made a decision. He would put in an application and if he was hired he would start looking for an apartment. Two years later he was still having daily muffins and coffee.

The day went by in a blur of customers and croissants until it was finally quitting time. Phil shuffled to the back room, threw his apron in the dirty basket, and made his way outside to wait for Fey.

Walking over to the bike rack, Phil looked up and took in the beauty of the Rocky Mountains. The sun warmed his skin in the late spring air as he took in the captivating landscape. He never did get tired of seeing the rolling hills painting the way up the canvas of the earth to form the mountains that held his heart. He breathed in and unlocked his bike.

As Phil stuffed his bike lock into his backpack and mounted his ride, Fey exited the bakery.

"So, it's two now, should i come over around sixish?" She unlocked her own bike and climbed on it.

"Sounds good, but are you sure you'll want to play Mario Kart? Can you stand the shame of losing again?"

She reached over and smacked him on the shoulder, "Hey! I'm not that bad!"

Phil laughed, "You're pretty rubbish."

"//You're pretty rubbish//" she mocked him.

"It's your digital funeral. See you at six?"

With one final smile she pushed off the ground and parted ways with Phil, "six o'clock!"

Phil always enjoyed the bike ride home from work. He'd never been athletic before (not that a ten-minute bike ride to and from work every day counted as athletic) but that was just another feature of Boulder that he loved. The city was infested with bike enthusiasts, and he had caught the bug. The atmosphere surrounded him and he couldn't resist.

He arrived back at his flat, his heart rate up and in need of a nap. He resisted the urge to fall face first on his sofa and decided to clean up before Fey graced him with her presence once again. The small two bedroom area was cozy and inviting, knickknacks and memorabilia stuffed in every corner and on every shelf space. Phil couldn't see why his mum wanted him to move from his piece of paradise so bad. Of course, he missed his mum back in Northern England, but she knew he was a traveler at heart. Although he supposed most travelers didn't stay stagnate for longer than they had to. Phil had many opportunities to move on, but he had done and seen so much in the past eight years he cherished the routine. He also cherished the thought of making his own money and supporting himself. Sure he always had extra income from his investments, but he never allowed himself more than what he needed. The bills were paid and there was food in his stomach. That was all he needed.

After Phil was done tidying up his flat it was only 3:30 and needed to kill some time, so he decided to take a walk down to Pearl Street. The outside strip mall was one of his favorite places in Boulder. Sidewalks made up of bright red bricks were littered with the usual suspects from men in suites to the ever-changing faces of dirty street kids. The culture was just so rich he was glad he was not the only foreign person in the city.

Ben and Jerry's was calling his name, so he popped in and grabbed a cone to accompany him on his walk. The street performers were just starting to come out as the day grew old.

"Hi Shawn!" Phil exclaimed when he reached a man at a piano.

"Oi Phil!" The gruff man replied taking a seat on his bench. He was still a little sweaty from pushing the instrument to the strip mall.

"Break a leg tonight, i know you'll wow them like always." Phil smiled at him taking another lick of his Cherry Garcia cone.

Shawn gave a hearty laugh,"People always love a man playing the piano upside down. I take pride in my gimic!"

"Well you know you always have my business."

"Just hope some of these other buskers keep an arms distance tonight. I had one of those traveling kids sit right next to me last Friday. He couldn't carry a tune in a bucket and reaked of booze. I don't mind the kids but some of them need a good kick in the throat!" He laughed.

Travelers. Dirty kids. Leather Tramps. Or whatever you wanted to call them, did give boulder a little...pizzazz. Grateful Dead followers and most the time alcoholics. They slept in the park during the day and ran around the streets at night drinking booze smoking weed and trying to make money to head to wherever their feet led them next.

"Well you'll do great either way Shawn. Knock em dead!" Phil gave a wave and continued down the street. Once he made it to the end of the mall he doubled back towards Ben and Jerry's to grab a pint for Fey and himself later.

Out in front of the store he came to a halt. On one of the benches sat a brunette boy with chocolate colored eyes that looked sweeter than any pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie. He was slouched over a cardboard sign that read "Just need batteries". His brown curls shaped around the patrol hat which was covered in pins and patches. Some he recognized like the big triforce patch on the side and a Mario pin attached to the brim. The lanky boy sported the dirtiest looking overalls Phil had ever seen, and had big rips in the knees exposing his tan skin. Beside the boy sat a backpack more than half his size and keyboard begging to be played.

Before Phil knew what he was doing he approached the attractive male, his eyes looking up at Phil as he neared. His heart jumping into his throat.

"What size batteries?"

"6D." His voice was scratchy and low.

"Okay." There was a Safeway across the street that was sure to have batteries.

Phil had seen many travelers in his time in Boulder and sure he has given them money here and there even bought food for some of them. Although this time his heart has leaped, and he felt a need deep down to help him.

Safeway was further than he thought. He picked up his pace hoping the boy waited for him to get back before he packed up and left. Entering the grocery store, he turned towards where the batteries were. The cool air of the store felt great on his sweat ridden forehead. Of course the line at the checkout was far longer than it would have been if he wasn't in a hurry.

"Stocking up on those batteries i see" the cashier said.

"Can't have too many." Phil smiled. Maybe he grabbed more than necessary, but he really wanted to hear what the boy would play on his keyboard.

"Alright your total is $56.93" Okay maybe he went overboard. But it was for a good cause, right?

The walk back to Pearl Street felt like it took longer than it should have. Bag in hand he moved his legs as fast as he could without running. As he approached Ben and Jerry's he spotted a mop of brown hair and patrol hat. He also heard the sounds of a keyboard. The traveler was hunched over the instrument moving his fingers across the keys bringing the sound of music to life. He didn't recognize the tune. Maybe it was an original.

He stood at a distance and observed the beautiful creature. The melody was so soft and sweet like the song was made for Phil's ears.

The brunettes hand slowed down, and he pressed some final keys until the last note rang in the air. Phil approached the stranger once again as the boy reached down into the plastic plate he had sitting out and grabbed the ten and five someone had dropped in and left the ones out.

After a second he looked up at Phil. His eyes are so pretty. "Um. Hi."

Phil didn't say anything for a moment then realized he was being weird. "Here!" He held out the bag of batteries.

"Jesus Christ on a bike that's a lot of batteries." He didn't take the bag.

"You're British?" Phil said slightly shocked. He had run into a lot of foreign people in this part of America but never a British person.

"Sure am." He gave a smile. //Oh my God he has dimples.//

"Um...these are for you. I see you've already got some batteries. But you can still have these! I mean i don't think i even have enough things that take batteries i wouldn't have to buy any ever again if you didn't take them and you know I've never seen a traveler with a keyboard-"

The boy laughed, "Thanks mate." He removed the keyboard from his lap and stood. //He's taller than me. An actual giant of 6'2//.

"Sorry i ramble on sometimes." Phil felt the heat in his cheeks radiating, and he couldn't remember a time he was so nervous to talk to a pretty boy.

"That's fine, I'm Dan and i thank you again for the batteries. These should last me a good while. Just hope i can fit them in my pack."

Phil handed the bag over to Dan.

"I'm Phil... Well i don't want to interrupt you. You have money to make.” Phil didn't want to leave.

"Yeah, yeah. That's probably a thing i should do. Gotta eat something tonight." He chuckled.

"I could get you something if you need. There is a burger place on the other side of the pavement."

"Firstly, oh my god it's been a long time since I've talked to another English person i forgot about calling the sidewalk a pavement. Secondly, i appreciate that but i think I've made enough already to eat and whatnot. Heading out west tomorrow anyhow."

Phil felt his heart jump again, "Alright that's fine-cool...umm. Well good luck Dan it was nice to meet you."

"You too Phil." Dan locked his eyes with Phil, and he could have sworn the brown eye boy felt the energy Phil did. "Maybe our paths will cross again someday."

"Maybe." //Hopefully//.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I figured out how to use italics lol. Thank you for coming back to this story and I'm super sorry I'm really shitty at posting in a timely manner. Also, I'm going to be adding more tags to this story it's going in a different direction than I originally planned. Thank you again for reading! Tumblr:candanandphilnot

"Hey man, you going up the hill?"

Dan was standing on the edge of Route 119, his thumb still facing the sky as he leaned over a bit to get a good look at the man in the car beside him. Anxiety spiked in Dan's chest as he tried to get a quick feel of the strange man.

"How far up over the hill are you going?" He internally cringed at his horrible American accent. Being a homeless immigrant didn't sit well with some people and yet the voice that came out of his mouth didn't really sit well with him.

"I'm heading up past Ward; I can drop you in Ned if you want?" Bright green eyes bore into Dan's. His stomach flipped and his heart started beating faster.

"It's all good man I'll wait for a longer ride." _Please move on_.

"Alright have a good one!" The bald man waved and pulled his Ford back on the road.

Normally Dan would three taken the ride, but the stretch from Boulder Colorado, fifteen miles up the side of the mountain to Nederland was one of the most hitched roads in the states. He wouldn't have a problem finding another ride before it got too dark.

Hitchhiking was a practice Dan had a love-hate relationship with. On the bright side, he got to meet some amazing people who had helped him reach new destinations and in some cases even helped him earn money. On the other hand, he'd also feared for his life on some rides. People were weird. And not even the good kind of weird, the type of offsetting, stomach clenching, you could be an axe murderer _weird_.

Before too long passed, a white Honda pulled to the side right where the strange man had sat. A small fragile looking girl leaned over her passenger side seat.

"Need a ride up to Nederland?" Her voice was sweet and her smile bright.

"Yes please!" Dan shrugged his pack off and pointed to the back seat, "mind if I throw this back here?"

"No problem. I do want to let you know though, that I have a pocket knife on my lap. I don't pick up hitchhikers without protection."

"That's okay, I also have one in my pocket. I don't hitchhike without protection." He gave a small smile and put his pack in the back seat.

"Alright then get in." _Smart girl at least_.

Dan opened the door and plopped down next to the girl. Closing the door he said, "I'm Dan."

"It's nice to meet you, Dan, I'm Fey. Have you been in Boulder long?" She took a look behind her shoulder and pulled onto the road.

"Today is my second day here but I've been through before. There is no way I'm spending another night in town. I'm heading to one of those free campsites that are supposed to be up this way."

"Oh, I know where two are. They're about three miles past Ned. I can just take you the whole way if you'd like."

"That would save me literally all evening and I would greatly appreciate it.

A few heartbeats passed and she said, "You're not from around here are you?"

_Shit_. "Actually," he dropped his American facade, "I'm from England."

"No shit! My best friend is from England! You actually remind me of him a bit. I mean you don't really look alike but the energy you give off is just like his. And you're both like ten feet tall." She laughed.

Dan thought about the pretty, awkward boy that had graciously given him a shit ton of batteries the day prior, “Black hair up in a quiff, glasses, really awkward but also kinda cute?" He didn't mean to let the cute part slide but it wasn't like he was lying.

Fey's eyebrows shot up, "Ugh, yeah...how did you know?"

"Well, yesterday I was on Pearl street trying to get some batteries for my keyboard and he gave me at least fifty dollars worth of batteries. They will last me months. He's a very nice man."

Fey didn't say anything to break the awkward silence as her Honda roared up the mountain.

"He also said I was the first English person he's met in boulder so...yeah." He shifted in his seat feeling uneasy.

They rode in silence for another minute which felt like a lifetime to Dan. He hated awkward rides.

"It's just weird he didn't say anything to me." Fey finally said.

Dan shrugged, "Maybe he just thought it wasn't that big of a deal." Travelers were an infection to Boulder.

Fey let out a dry chuckle," Phil runs into a gorgeous man like you and _doesn't_ say anything? Okay." Her voice laced with sarcasm.

Dan could feel the warmth of embarrassment fill his cheeks, "Well-Wha-What makes you say that."

"He always tells me when he runs into a good looking guy! I mean it always ends with Phil being way too awkward to ask them out or not giving them his number. Like, the guy needs to get out there more." She shook her head, "do you have a preference of which campsite I take you to?"

"Whichever one is closest please." Dan was so taken back by Fey's comments he could hear his voice drop an octave and his emotional walls go up.

They sat in silence as they finally made it to the top of the mountain pass. All at once the road evaporated into a sight that knocked the wind out of Dan's lungs. He could see the small town of Nederland from across a big round glimmering reservoir, snow-capped mountains lining the horizon. Nederland was a place Dan had always wanted to visit but he never stayed in the area long enough to make the hike. Right then he regretted every time he turned down the chance to explore the beautiful mountain town. Something clicked inside him and he knew he was stuck. He couldn't leave this place yet. There was too much to get lost in. Too much to explore.

Fey continued to drive bringing the scenery to life. They reached the small roundabout and took the second exit heading further into the mountains. Sadly the road bypassed Ned so he couldn't get a good look. He would have to go into town the next day and check it out.

"So do you plan on staying long?" Fey said in a voice just slightly louder than a whisper.

"You know Fey," Dan started, "I was just going to stay the night but I don't know. Nederland looks beautiful. Who knows maybe I'll luck out and find a decent job and stay awhile." He let out a small laugh.

Fey's pale pink lips turned up into a smile, "Who knows, you may just run into that _kinda cute_ boy that you're so fond of." The taunting in her voice was thick and plain.

But Dan couldn't help but smile and hope she was right although the anxiety constricting his chest said otherwise. There his feelings went, contradicting themselves again.

"Well," Fey said as she slowed the car and pulled off the forest-lined road into a pull off with a dirt road leading back into the trees. "This is where I leave you, Dan. Good luck with all your endeavors and I hope to see you around." She put the car in park and looked over at Dan.

"I really appreciate the ride and it was very nice to meet you." He gave her a genuine smile before opening his door and stepping out.

As he swung his oversized bag onto his back, Fey caught his attention, "Hey take these!" She was leaned over the seat Dan had just left vacant and held out a cupcake container holding two beautifully decorated treats. "I literally make these for a living and to be honest I never thought I would get sick of cupcakes but, please get these away from me," she laughed loudly and added, "And this is where you can find your lover boy if you're up for it."

Heat rushed to Dan's cheeks as he gladly took the container saying "Thanks!" And awkwardly waved.

"See you around!" Fey waved back and drove away down the road making Dan feel way too many emotions for one night.

He stood there for a second looking down the road lined with trees still slightly bare from the frigid winter. A gust of wind ruffled his hair and clothes. Dan really should have put on his Carharts before coming up the mountain. It was at least thirty degrees cooler than it was down the hill in Boulder.

After hauling himself into the woods he began searching for a good spot for the night. Dan always preferred staying away from the hustle and bustle of cities, especially during the late hours of the night. Staying overnight in metropolitan or suburban areas he only had two choices. One, stay up all night and sleep in a park during the day, or two, try to find a hidden crevasse somewhere and pray the police didn't find him. Out in the more rural areas, he could find a free campsite like the one he was currently exploring or just hide in a thick piece of the forest, and be alone. Sure he had to hitchhike or walk more and wild animals could be an issue, but Dan decided years ago he would rather die as a meal than die as a victim to the disease called humanity.

After fifteen minutes or so Dan found an empty site in a small clearing. The ground was mostly stone but there were a few patches of grass he could set up on. Back behind a large rock, there was a handmade fire ring that still had a piece of wood in the center and a pile of kindling off to the side.

The sun was setting as Dan finished pitching his one-man tent. Cursing himself for not getting up the mountain sooner he quickly scanned the surrounding area for pieces of firewood. By the time the sun was replaced with the moon, Dan had his fire going and a pot balanced on a few rocks cooking his dinner.

_That boy was really cute_. His mind wondered as he sat in front of the blaze waiting for his rice and beans to heat up. He reached to his side grabbing his parsley seasoning and threw some into the pot.

He ate his meal straight from the pot using the utensil utility knife he always kept handy in his pocket. It definitely wasn't the best meal he ever had but it was food and that's all that ever really mattered. After the pot was empty he reached for the cupcakes Fey had kicked down to him earlier.

_Betsy's Bakery. Sounds quaint. And like it's for yuppies. Although if I get to see Phil again..._

That night Dan dreamt of bright blue eyes and an awkward smile. He dreamt of a man who would love him unconditionally and fully. But he also dreamt of the past repeating itself and leaving Dan on the side of a road, his thumb facing the sky, and a little more hope swept away into the dust.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically Phil is lonely and him and Fey talk about Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! So i finally crawled out of my hole of depression and finished chapter three. Follow me on tumblr @candanandphilnot for updates but mostly shit posts. Thank you to anyone who actually reads this? i love you?

“Are you exercising? Getting enough to eat? How is Fey?”

“Yes, yes, and she is great. Nice to hear from you too mum.” Phil rolled his eyes at the phone pressed up against his ear. It had only been a few days since he last talked to his mum but she always acted like it had been months.

“Good honey I’m glad to hear. How is America treating you? Thinking about coming back across the pond anytime soon?” Catherine said the worry in her voice prominent.

Phil resisted the urge to groan. “Not yet mum. I’m still quite enjoying my job and friends and Boulder.”

“Have you met any nice ladies? Or any nice young men?”

Phil did not resist the urges to groan this time “Mum! I will meet someone at some point. Don’t worry about my love life.”

“Okay okay! I just worry about you a lot. Especially since you are so far away from home.”

Phil’s heart swelled with emotion. He loved where he was but sometimes he did feel guilty about not visiting home as much as he should. “I promise the second week in December ill be on a flight back home. You’ll get me for almost an entire month!” He pulled the phone away from his face to check the time. “I have to go now I need to clock in soon. I’ll call you later though okay? I love you.”

“I love you too sweetie be safe!”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. The chilly morning air nipped at Phil’s skin as he stepped towards the bakery. As much as he loved his job having to be there at five in the morning was always a drag. Ironically enough he was not a morning person.

He pulled open the glass door the bell ringing through the quiet bakery. As he stepped behind the counter the cooler door swung open revealing a red nosed Fey holding a box of frozen bread. She looked up at Phil her nose scrunched up and mouth turned down.

“Philip Michael Lester. What. The. _Fuck_!” she dropped the box on a table with a bang that echoed through the quiet room and crossed her arms.

“Freya Jade Austin?” Phil replied cautiously stepping into the back.

“I’m so disappointed in you.”

“What did I do now?” he hung up his jacket and tied a white apron around his waist.

“Oh, nothing.” Fey said nonchalantly as she twirled a piece of her hair around her finger. “you just forgot to tell me about the attractive man you ran into on Pearl Street Friday afternoon…and _didn’t give him your number!_ ”

Phil’s head snapped up in shock, “How do you know about that?”

Fey let out a dry chuckle, “I went up to Ned yesterday to see Frank and Dan was at the bottom of the mountain with his thumb out. Apparently, you’re not the only foreigner in town anymore.”

Phil shouldn’t have been that surprised honestly. For as long as he knew Fey he’d known she loved to pick up travelers and Phil couldn’t blame her. She loved the stories and adrenaline that came with picking up a complete stranger. Many times Fey would come into work with secondhand tales of hopping trains, trimming weed for gangsters or life inside a hippie bus. Jealousy always rose in Phil’s chest when hearing these stories. Sure he had traveled but not in the way dirty kids did. Hotels and hot meals instead of cold cuts and chilly evenings around a fire. Something about the lack of comfort drew him in. What was it like living with your home on your back? What was it like to be so hungry your only option was to hold a sign and wait for a miracle to happen? What was it like to live a simple life, going where the wind took you? Perhaps that was the reason he couldn’t leave.

“Either way,” Phil said shaking his thoughts away, “just because I’m single doesn’t mean I need to give every attractive man or woman my number. Plus he’s a traveler maybe he doesn’t even have a phone!”

“But Philip, I know you’re lonely. You complain about your quiet apartment on a daily bases.” She sauntered around the corner to the back of the kitchen.

Phil could hear her rustling around different pieces of cutlery. Reluctantly he turned the corner to face her.

“Just because I’d rather play Mario Kart with a real person rather than online with strangers doesn’t mean I'm lonely. Plus I move around too much for a relationship” He was being defensive and he knew that. There was no doubt in his mind that he was lonelier than an iceberg floating around aimlessly in the vast ocean. The truth was Phil just never clicked with anyone before. Sure he dated in high school and there was that summer he spent in Greece, (a story for another time) but he never felt the tickling feeling of butterflies filling his gut or the warm sensation of raw _feeling_ exploding his chest. Fey had explained those feelings when she met Frank last summer. The only thing close to those emotions Phil ever felt was when the other day when he seen brown curls and chocolate eyes.

“Phil, how long have you lived in Boulder?” she slid a stack of crates out from under her cake decorating station and sat down with a skeptical look masking her face.

“Two years in July.” He crossed his arms.

“In two years you haven’t so much as went on a date. You could always find someone who loves traveling just as much as you do. In fact, there was this gorgeous brunette I picked up the other day. Seems to love traveling so much that’s literally his life.” Her voice was dry and condescending.

“Ill probably never see him again.” Stubborn stubborn stubborn.

“Probably. Oh, but I kind of, sort of, maybe told him you worked here soon.” She pursed her lips and squinted her eyes as if she was waiting for impact.

“Fey!” Phil screeched his anxiety expanding. He could see Dan again. But wait. Oh god he could see Dan again. Another reason he had never really had a relationship was the fact that he was spoiled and he knew it. Growing up wealthy, he never had most ‘normal’ life experiences. The only time he had ever worked before the bakery was when he used to edit YouTube videos in his spare time for a variety of YouTubers. People hated people like him. How could he be in a relationship with someone who struggled so much and worked so hard to be where they were when all Phil ever had to do was be born and pay taxes with the ungodly amount of money his Grandparents gave him.

“Look Phil, I really don’t mean push you I just want you to be happy. You’re the best friend I never had.” Fey’s expression softened.

Phil let out a big sigh, “I know your intentions are good. And I love you for that.”

She stood and walked towards him with open arms, “I love you too, nerd.”

They collided as Phil wrapped his arms around her small shoulders and pressed his cheek to the top of her head.

“Now fuck off,” she pushed away with a big smile plastered on her face, “I have shit that needs to be done.”

Phil began moving racks of doughnuts into their industrial ovens. Appliances so big he’d thought about turning down the temperature so he could make one his home. The door bell chimed from the front of the store. He looked up a few moments later to see Erin the store manager walking into the back room.   


“Good morning Lester,” Erin called her voice slightly muffled from the other room.   


“Good morning Ms. Erin,” Phil called back closing the oven door with a shove.  


Erin was a tall, dark Kenyan lady with the most perfect dreadlocks, he’d ever seen. She always wore winged eyeliner and had her hair piled on the top of her head sometimes covered with pretty bright colored scarves.  


“ Today, Lester I would like you to work on the back-stocking some Snowballs. It’s spring, the coconut season.” Every flavor had its season at Betsy’s.  


Time ticked away as he took balls of cake and rolled them around in icing and coconut. It was nice that he basically got paid for making a mess even if he had to clean up after himself, it was still great. He walked to the front to grab another cup of coffee. As he reached the front counter, his eyes immediately shot into the sea of customers,  his heart dropping a little. It’s not like Dan would show up anyways.  


As much as he tried to tell himself there was no way some stranger, he met on the street days ago, would for some reason want to seek him out again, he still felt a glamour of hope when he looked out into the dining area. _I did give him a lot of batteries. He probably moved on to the next town with all the money he made making music. Who wouldn’t give to hear what I heard?_       


Lunch arrived in a slow fashion as Phil’s morning coffee ran thin in his veins. Sitting down in the break room at a small wooden table, Phil let out a sigh.  


“Oh _hoof_.” Fey mimicked him. “Why are you huffing and puffing around? It’s already noon.” She opened a Tupperware container filled with fruit.        


“Honestly? I thought Dan might show up,  but now I kinda feel stupid because he didn’t.” Phil pulled open the tin foil around his sandwich and took a bite of the food.    


“ Don’t feel dumb, man. He might not have even gotten off the mountain yet. Traveler time is different from our time.”

“I suppose you can only get so far with just your feet huh?” he mused taking another bite.  


“You know I was planning on going up to Ned tonight to get pizza with Frank. You could come with us. Who knows what could happen.” She exaggerated a wink and plopped a grape in her mouth.  


He really wanted to see Dan again. Maybe it was the adrenaline that caused him to say yes. Or maybe it was the thought of good pizza. Then again it could have been the bitterness of lonely nights that finally pushed him out of the comfort zone of his life of security he carefully set up.        


So at six o’clock  he found himself riding shotgun in Fey’s car, waiting for his ears to pop as they made their way up the mountain. Heart beating too fast and forehead sweating profusely, Phil couldn’t relax with the thought of Dan sitting in the seat Phil was currently in discussing himself with Fey.    


“So just out of curiosity, what did Dan say about me?” Phil asked in a timid manner.  


Get reached over and turn down the radio a bit making it harder to hear Ed Sheeran belt out notes. “Do you want me to tell you the version that will calm you down or the truth?”

“Well, that’s reassuring.” He grumbled, “Just tell me what he said.”

“To be honest he didn’t say much but..” she held for suspense.     


“Goddamn it just tell me.” Phil smacked her shoulder lightly.

“He totally said you were cute.” She giggled like a twelve year old.  


Heat rushed to his cheeks, “You’re lying.”

“He said and I quote, ‘Black hair up in a quiff, glasses, really awkward but also kinda cute?’ When I told him my best friend was English. He said he was sticking around for awhile. Maybe it we see him I can convince you to actually do something. Like talk. Just a few real sentences, nothing crazy.”

They continued driving until Nederland rose from the ground before them. Continuing into the town taking the second to last exit in the roundabout, they turned into a small communal parking lot.  


They exited the car and met each other at the back of the vehicle.  


   “Frank is waiting inside for us. We can do a little walking around after we eat.” Fey said cheerfully as she placed her hand on the small of Phil’s back pushing him forward.  
 

As they reached the end of the lot where it joined with the road, Phil glanced to his right where he saw a covered bridge. The structure sat across the street, down a slight inline where it continued a footpath across the small stream. Inside the worn bridge was lined with strings of white lights that barely illuminated in the late evening shadows. Right inside sat a familiar mop of messy brown hair almost covered by a hat. Phil and Fey continued over the cross walk. As they moved closer Phil noticed Dan hunched over the keyboard and he could hear the sounds vibrating from the instrument. This time it seemed Dan was playing purely for himself since Phil seen a lack of a sign or container for tips.

Fey let out a small gasp as she said, “Look it’s your boy!” but Phil was already looking. Staring was more like it.  


Dan’s head snapped up as if he heard Fey’s statement and his eyes connected with Phil’s. A smile spread across the travelers face.         



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan makes it to Nederland and may or may not run into Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome Back! Thank you to anyone who had stuck with the story thus far. As always you can follow updates (and updates about updates) on Tumblr following @candanandphilnot. <3

“I know how to make you squirm.” Her smooth, sultry voice whispered making all the hairs on the back of Dan’s neck stand straight up.   


“Get away from me.” His eyes closed as tight as they could and his teeth ground hard against each other.   


“you’ll never get away from me.” Growled the girl.   


Dan's eyelids shot open his back covered in sweat and his heart beating fast. Usually faded memories invaded his brain with ungodly force.   


“Fuck,” he mumbled as he sat up as much as he could in his small tent, his sleeping bag slipping down his torso a bit. It had been months since he had a dream about her.   


Before thinking too far into the dream, he shoved his hand into the breast pocket of his Carharts and pulled out a long thin plastic green bottle. Labels littered the container.  He squeezed the top of the tube making the lid open with a _pop._ Holding his hand out, he tipped it over allowing a slim pre-rolled joint fall onto his palm. Quickly he dug around for a lighter, stuck the joint between his lips, lit it, and sucked.    


Before the bright red ember reached the middle of the pre-roll Dan felt his muscles relax, his once fast paced heart beating in its natural rhythm. Thoughts returned to appropriate ones and he was ready for the day. The joint returned to the tube for later.

He unzipped his sleeping bag wiggling out of it like a butterfly hatching from its cocoon. But slightly less graceful.  As equally as graceful, he stood upright outside in the cool morning mountain breeze.   


“Good morning world,” Dan mumbled as he stretched his arms to the sky and twisted his back cracking his joints. He looked above his head to see his pack still hanging down from an oak tree. In the crook of a limb where it met the trunk, sat a black bear the size of a large dog.

“Fucking kidding me mate?” Dan said to the bear as the beast grunted.   


As quickly as his muddled mind would let him, Dan scooped up two big rocks and flung one up into the tree.

“Get away from my shit!” he managed to yell as deep as he could.   


The bear was struck in the foot. He roared and climbed higher in the tree.

“Oh my god really? Don’t be like this, please?” Dan began tearing down his tent, keeping his eye on the tree. After what felt like forever, the bear started coming back down the tree. He gave the animal some space and stepped away from the campsite but kept close in case it wanted to be a sneaky shit and go for his pack again.   


Dan waited patiently and was rewarded with the bear climbing past the pack and onto the ground. Once the coast was clear, Dan could finally pack up his belongings. He fiddled with the rope tied to the tree for a moment until it was unraveled and he could lower his pack to the ground.   


Nederland was calling his name. After getting to see a glimpse of the town the day prior Dan was excited to explore. Maybe he would meet some new people. Maybe he would find something that made him stay longer than he had to.       


Slowly but surely, Dan made his way to the road and started walking towards the town. Every once in a while he would hear a car approach from behind and he would stop, hold his thumb out hoping for a ride but the car would pass.   


An hour and a half later Dan made it into town. Further down the road he seen a sign for the public library. Quickly he made his way inside, grabbed a seat at one of the computers and let his back and legs rest.   


Across the room he noticed a young couple probably around sixteen or so. They were on opposite sides of a table both leaned into each other with their hands interlocked and foreheads close. A smile was plastered on both their faces. Jealousy swam through Dan. It had been so long since he felt anything close to what those kids looked like they were feeling. The last time he was pressed up against someone it was dark, cold, and it definitely wasn’t romantic. _Romance._  He’d definitely forgotten what that was like. To be honest he wasn’t sure if he could pin the word **romance** to any of his partners.   


_Blue eyes, a warm smile._ Dan was kicking himself for not catching the awkward boys last name. After a moment Dan turned to the computer and opened up Facebook. The web browser loaded up and he was met with 61 notifications and 10 unread messages. Needless to say it had been awhile since he’d last been on any kind of social media.   


Ignoring the notifications, he clicked on the search bar. _Phil, Boulder, Colorado._ _Maybe he’s under Philip?_   He scrolled for a quarter of an hour until he decided to give up. _I guess if the world wants us to meet again we will._

He was about to close the page until he remembered: _Betsy’s Bakery._ When he added that to the search one profile was left. Was he really about to stalk a cute stranger he met on the street days ago? _Fuck yeah I was_ _Mr. Philip Lester._ The profile loaded as Dan was met with the most adorable picture he thought he would ever see. There Phil was, smile as wide as his muscles would allow, but also surrounded by five different dogs. A St. Bernard wrapped in one arm and a Chihuahua tucked underneath the other and three Chows laying at his feet, two belly up.   


_Okay, maybe I shouldn’t stalk him. I could just go to his work and talk to him. But that’s pretty creepy too. Although his best friend is the one who told me where he works so who is the bigger creep now?_ Dan groaned and clicked out of the browser. Stalking him was going to get him nowhere anyways. He decided tomorrow he would find the bakery and talk to the boy himself. Today was a day to spend in the mountains.   


Nederland was quite an amazing little town. The streets were small and the people friendly. After making his way past the traffic circle and the only two gas stations, he made his way to the main hub of town. There were restaurants and small coffee shops and more weed dispensaries than the tiny town needed.   


Dan decided he wanted to dedicate the day to his music. He followed a foot path down below the road and found a covered bridge that was littered with paintings on the inside. Between every column under the windows were landscapes of hills and valleys some covered with snow and others covered in vegetation. Slowly he shrugged his pack off his back, set it down, and carefully pulled out his keyboard wrapped in a piece of black fabric he’d found on his travels. Resting his back against one of the painted walls and ass on the ground, he began to play a cover of a John Mayer song he’d learned long ago. Playing the piano to him was like flying to a bird. His fingers moved with muscle memory.    


“That was beautiful.” Dan looked up as he finished the song to see a boy standing off to his left. He was short with long blond dread locks and a tattoo of train tracks under his left eye.  


“Thank you.” Dan said smiling at the boy.   
 

“Mind if I join?” he pulled a drum from around his back slung over his shoulder by a thick string.

“Of course!” Dan patted the floor next to him.   


For the next twenty minutes Dan played through a few original songs as the boy patted the drum to the beat.   


“Thank you brother, I really needed that,” the boy sighed. “Before I go,” he pulled his pack over and reveled a still half frozen sub and ripped it in two, “you deserve a good lunch.”

“Holy shit you’re awesome.” Dan gladly took the food and immediately started eating as his empty stomach growling.   


“Don’t mention it dude.” With a final wave the boy slung his pack  and drum over his back and continued through the covered bridge.

The day continued in a blur of people passing and music playing. On days like that Dan enjoyed his life as a traveler. All he needed was a full stomach and to be able to bring music into peoples lives. There were days where he missed having a bed and video games. He used to have a phone with an emulator on it, but after the rain storm he was stuck in last month he was unable to revive the water logged device. There were nights he dreamed of waking up in a king sized bed to a beautiful man and a cute dog in a small, cozy home. But he’d grown so use to the traveling lifestyle he was scared (and to be honest, too mentally unstable) to chase those far off dreams.

Dan’s mind wondered as he continued to play his fingers growing more and more stiff, song after song.

_Alright ladies and gentlemen, one more song for the road._ He started to play one of his favorite Muse songs. Citizens Erased was one of the first songs he’d learned and always started and ended his sets with it. In the back of his mind he thought it brought him good luck.   


Halfway through the song he felt eyes on him. It wasn’t like the usual stares he got when playing in public, this stare was burning into his skin.  _Look at me look at me LOOK AT ME._ Dan raised his head to see blue eyes and an awkward smile. _Phil oh my god. Keep playing stay cool he’s just another yuppie._  
  


Phil and his friend walked towards the pizza shop and Dan couldn’t stop staring. He forced himself to look away and focus on the song he was still playing. _Glance. Keyboard. Glance. Keyboard. Stare. KEYBOARD._

Dan looked back up to see Fey and Phil discussing something that seemed to be giving Phil some anxiety. His eyebrows were pulled together and hands making different gestures as he spoke. Fey said something in a stern manner and walked away from Phil towards the pizza shop, leaving him standing there awkwardly still looking anxious.   


After a minute of standing there (while Dan failed horribly at focusing on his instrument), Phil started to walk in Dan’s direction.   


_Just keep playing. Oh my god he’s almost here. Just a few more notes. Act cool. Okay I’m never cool. Oh god he’s literally right beside me. I love his shoes._ Finally Dan pressed down on the final cord and dared to look up. Phil was dressed in a white button up covered in tiny foxes and black skinny jeans that Dan thought hugged his everything just right. “Well hello there stranger.” Dan said giving the man a two finger salute.     


“Hey.” Phil replied, “Was that Muse you were playing?“

Surprised Dan responded, “Um, yeah Citizen Erased. Muse is my favorite band.” Phil nodded but didn’t say anything else so Dan continued, “And in other news, in this segment of ‘Things you didn’t ask about but I’ll over share anyways,’ I know most of their songs.”

Phil let out a small laugh, “You could say they’re your _muse._ ”

“Wow,” Dan said through a loud laugh.   


“It sounded amazing by the way. Maybe you should go into _Showbiz._ ”

With another obnoxious laugh Dan responded, “Okay I didn’t ask to be assaulted with horrible Muse puns.”

“I'm sorry. But not really because I’m very proud of those puns.”

Awkward silence filled the air as Phil shifted from one foot to the other.   


“Well so, umm, what brings you up into the mountains?”

“You,” Phil said quickly making Dan's heart skip a beat,  “I mean, at first Fey said about getting pizza with her boyfriend then she was like, _oh you may see that traveler Dan,_ and you know, she picked you up last night and thought maybe I should talk to you. I’m not sure why specifically you because I run into attractive men a decent amount and she never really pushes me that much to talk to them but she’s been persistent and wow I’ve said entirely too much.”

At this point Phil’s entire face was bright red and his hands were awkwardly sticking out of his pockets.

Dan couldn’t help but to giggle, “Rambling again I see. Do you do that a lot? Because I’m growing quite fond of it.”

Phil’s lips turned up into a proper smile, “I tend to ramble and talk about weird things. And stuff.”

“Weird is good.” Dan couldn’t tear his eyes away from the bright blue pools encased in the mans head.   


“Speaking of weird, Fey told me to tell you that if you want, you may join us for some pizza.”

“Well,” Dan hesitated his hands still laying over his keyboard, “I would but I need to keep an eye on my pack. It’s kinda important. Most places won’t let you bring in a bag this big.”

“Oh right! I’m sure Fey wouldn’t mind if you put your bag in her car for safe keeping. I know you don’t really know us too well so that could put you in a weird-"

“Phil, Phil,” Dan interrupted, “So far, you’ve all given me so much without asking me of anything. How’s about this. I eat pizza with you three, and if I don’t sense that _I'm an axe killer_ vibe as I usually can, we can go back to my camp site and all have s’mores. My treat? I’ll just have to run over to the grocery store real quick.”

“Oh! Like a proper American s’more? I’ve never had one but the thought of marshmallow and chocolate _and_ graham cracker mixed together,” he wiggled his fingers in front of his mouth, poked his tongue out, and rolled his eyes back.   


“Is that suppose to signify your excitement to eat sweets?” Again Dan found himself laughing as a warm fondness spread through his chest. Usually his PTSD would stop any kind of these feelings from bubbling up. Usually his mind went straight to the defensive thoughts of, _I don’t know you. I don’t know what you’re capable of. I don’t know your true intentions._ But in that moment the only thoughts Dan had were, _You are so fucking cute. I want to know you better. Please spend more time with me Phil Lester._

“You don’t realize Dan, I’m a slut for sweets.” Phil said as matter of fact.

“Oh are you now?” Dan replied cheekily.

Phil nodded with a little smirk. “Alright how’s about I get the car keys from Fey so we can get this thing going because I’m ready for pizza.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

After another awkward exchange at the car and a quick trip to the store Dan followed Phil inside the restaurant free of bags for the first time he could remember.   


The pizza shop was small and cozy. Scents of fresh dough and melting cheese wafted its way up Dan’s nostrils and there was a loud hum of people chatting making his adrenaline rise. Unconsciously he searched for exits and items he could potentially need as weapons. He cautiously watched Phil. The man walked free and easy with a half grin on his face.    

They made their way through tables across the short grey carpet until they came up to a red and white stripped booth that sat a familiar Fey and a slim person Dan assumed to be Frank.   


Phil scooted into the booth and motioned Dan to sit next to him, “Dan you remember Fey, and this is her significant other Frank.”

As Dan sat, Fey said, “its nice to see you again Dan.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” Frank held his hand open across the table.

“You too mate.” His hand engulfed Franks small slim ones. Frank was short with olive toned skin his features small and cute.   


“So Dan,” Frank started in a high pitched tone as he picked up a menu and started scanning it, “Where are you originally from?“

“Well, I grew up in Wokingham, and moved out here when I was around 17 so roughly, four years ago.”

“Family move?” Fey asked nonchalantly also scanning her menu. They both seemed very intent on making Dan feel not so awkward.   


“Actually I moved over with my ex girlfriend who decided to leave me two months after arriving.  So you know. Nothing too crazy.” Immediately he felt Phil stiffen beside him.  Dan knew he was acting too calm for the information he had dropped. He learned that trick a long time ago. If he just aired out his dirty laundry to every person he met, he could weed out the shitty ones quicker. There was no sense in lying about the past especially if you wanted to be close with someone. Eventually they would find out and leave anyway. So why not speed up the process?  


There was an awkward silence as Dan followed suit and glanced at the menu. Not like he had money to buy really anything anyways. He had a can of tuna in his pack he would eat later for dinner.   


“Well thank god I’m not the only one who overshares.” Phil chuckled obviously  trying to lighten the mood.  


“The day I met Phil I also learned about how he use to breed hamsters. And his hatred of cheese. There’s a lot of time to chat when you’re showing homes. Phil is the epitome of _overshare._ ” Frank ran a hand through his dark hair.

 

“Wait I’m sorry, you don’t like fucking cheese?” Dan sputtered in Phil’s direction.   


“Its horrible!” Phil defended himself.

 

“But you’re about to eat pizza! That’s one of the only three ingredients!” Dan fired back.

 

“Its different!”

 

“How is it different?” 

 

“It just is!”

 

“Phil is a strange creature,” Fey laughed.   


The four continued to converse between visits from their waiter. Dan constantly found himself smiling and giggling as jokes bounced between them. His anxiety and paranoia slowly fading into the back of his mind. He barely even noticed when Frank ordered for everyone. Dan was too engulfed in Phil’s hamster story to really care.   


They sat bloated and sleepy as the waiter came back with their check.   


“Here, let me grab my part.” Dan said as he reached into one of his many pockets and pulled out a wad of crinkled bills.   


“Oh don’t worry about that Dan! This is my treat!” Frank said swatting his hand at Dan.   


“No, I got it. I like to pay myself.” Dan smiled at Frank to let him know he wasn’t trying to be rude, he just preferred to carry his own weight.

 

“Seriously Dan its completely fine. We told Phil to invite you our treat.” Fey grabbed the check folder and slid a card into the pocket.   


“Fine, but I’m leaving a tip because that waiter had a pretty impressive beard. And the service was decent.”

 

“I couldn’t grow a beard like that if I tried.” Phil chuckled.   


“Right? You would think by twenty-one I would have hit puberty.” Dan smiled at Phil and bumped his leg with his own.   


A few seconds passed then Phil asked with hesitation, “So…about those s’mores?”

 

“Im not sure,” Dan sighed, “The vibe feels kinda _axe-murdery._ ”

 

“Yes Dan all three of us are murderers. The tall awkward British dude, the purest trans man, and the small leprechaun looking mother fucker are definitely some sketchy characters.” Fey spouted with sarcasm.

 

“Did you just call me pure?” Frank scoffed.   


“Babe I know you want to be intimidating but you’re just too holism.” Fey leaned over and kissed Franks jawline.   


“My feelings are hurt and now I need s’mores to make it better.” Frank stuck out his bottom lip.   


“Alright, alright, we will head back to camp and make s'mores.”

 

They piled out of their booths and headed to Fey’s car. Dan moved his belonging to the trunk and climbed in the back seat next to Phil.    


As Fey navigated the car through the mountain Dan stole glances of the man beside him. He looked at Phil and everything was gold. The air around him shined brighter than the sun. Deep in his chest, Dan felt it. A big tug towards everything that was Phil. Everything in his body was on fire yet he physically felt neutral. _His hand is like three centimeters away from mine. I could easily grab it. He has nice long pale fingers. They would probably feel cool in mine._

Dan looked up and away from Phil’s hands to meet the eyes of someone Dan felt he already knew. Phil kept eye contact as his lips tugged up on either side making his face light up. And in that moment, Dan realized, he was inevitably _fucked_.  

  


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan, Phil, Fey, and Frank have a campfire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! So this chapter is only 1k so sorry? I normally try to shoot for 2k but I had some writers block with this one. I also didn't want to overload you with information. Chapter six will probably be A LOT of info on both Dan and Phil's back stories so for now enjoy a little fluff :) And as always you can follow updates (and updates about updates) on this story on Tumblr @candanandphilnot Also i reblog funny stuff. Enjoy :)

 Phil may have had a crush. He watched  Dan, sat on the ground beside him, pull his stick away from the fire and up towards his face that glowed orange. He opened his mouth and ate his melting marshmallow right off the stick, chewing, and then licking his lips clean. _Shit._     


Phil was fucked. He was excited. He was nervous. But more importantly, Phil was intrigued.  Dan was such a fascinating character with his mysterious aura and guarded personality.  Everything about the traveler made Phil gravitate towards him. There were so many questions Phil wanted to ask but all evening it just didn’t feel like the right time.   


_“My ex girlfriend.” Was he even into guys? Maybe he is actually straight and I’ve confused kindness for flirtation?_  
  


Dan laughed rocking back on the ground bringing Phil back into reality, “If I was abducted by aliens, I think they would send me back.”

“They would definitely probe you first,” Frank said from across the fire as he waved his hand in front of his face clearing some smoke.   


“Yes alien daddy. Probe me up.” Dan giggled, “I would probably have some lube ready to go. They wouldn’t know what to do with me.”

_Okay, maybe he’s bi. Or that could just be his sense of humor. I mean straight dudes like anal too. I think. Do they?_     


As the night continued, Phil increasingly fell more and more. The way Dan laughed, his eyes crinkling, a dimple poking out, and the genuine sound of happiness pulled Phil into every moment, not wanting the evening to ever end.  Jokes were tossed around in the night like they had all been friends for ages. There was never a moment where Phil regretted listening to Fey when she told him to invite Dan to dinner like a stern mother.   


“Phil, give us an animal fact.” Fey said during a stretch of silence.   


“That’s such an odd command.” Dan laughed.   


“He always has good ones though,” Frank mused.   


Dan glanced over at Phil and chuckled, “Go on then.”

 

Phil thought for a second, shifting his weight from one butt cheek to the other trying to find flat spots on the rocky ground. “Snails can sleep for three years.”

 

“Bullshit!” Dan cackled.

 

“Seriously! It’s a thing, I promise!” Phil defended himself.   


“You are so strange, Phil Lester.” Dan shook his head.   


Suddenly Phil’s stomach jumped into his throat, “How did you know my last name?”

 

Dan resembled a deer in headlights. A murderer caught red handed as his eyes flickered between everyone sat around the fire.   


“Well, um, you see, heh,” His cheeks were crimson and he fidgeted with the buckle of his overalls, “I stopped in at the library today, and was on Facebook, and I was sorta, kinda curious. I may have searched your name. _But_ thank your bff for telling me where you worked!” he pointed an accusing finger towards Fey.   


“Hey! We already discussed this, and I promptly apologized for being invasive!” Fey mumbled her mouth still half full of marshmallow.    


“So you remembered me?” Phil couldn’t bring himself to be upset. Honestly he was flattered that Dan remembered him, let alone sought him out.   


A half smile appeared on the travelers face, “You gave me so many batteries. I could go from coast to coast and not have to worry about flying that sign again. I can’t forget an act of such genuine kindness.”

 

“I'm sorry, but its getting so cute in here I may actually vomit all over you saps.” Frank interjected.

 

What seemed like hours of laughter passed before Fey pulled her phone from her back pocket and gasped, “Guys, its almost midnight! Phil and I have to work in the morning!”

 

“Oh shit!” Phil pulled his own phone out and clicked the screen on seeing that in fact, it was 11:46pm.   


“Well, I guess I should leave you guys to it. I still need to pitch my tent and hang my pack.” Dan said running both his hands over his face.  He stood and began rummaging through his bag.   


Reluctantly Phil put his phone away and stood up stretching his arms above his head. A wave of dread washed through his body. Was this the last time he would see Dan? Would the boy move on to bigger and better adventures after such a wonderful evening?   


Fey and Frank said their goodbyes to Dan and headed towards the car. Shyly Phil stepped towards Dan who was now on the ground, fiddling with his flimsy tent.   


“So, um,” Phil started, his nerves making him flinch, “Are you going to be in the area awhile…or is this a final goodbye?”

 

Dan stopped messing with the fabric and stood up in front of Phil, only a few inches between them.  The bags under Dan’s eyes were a heavy purple and Phil could see the distinct lines of dirt that sat in the crevasses of his face illuminated by the glow of the still roaring fire. Although Dan looked dirty with his layer of crust and stained, patched clothing, he smelled oddly nice, like  Arabian Sandalwood. “Well, I thought about maybe finding a job. S'hard to find anything decent without proper I.D. but I kinda like it here.” The boy smiled and wrapped his arms around himself.   


“I could help, ya know. I mean I don’t know many people but if you need help finding something I have Wi-Fi at the flat. Do you have a phone?”

 

“Phil,” Dan smiled cheekily, “Are you trying to ask for my number.”

 

Phil’s face burst into flames, “Well I thought we had fun and if you needed help I’m more than willing to if you need it. I’m sure you’re an independent person, I mean look at you-"

“I would gladly get your number, but sadly the phone I had died awhile back. Although, I did want to go down into town tomorrow and look for a food pantry. Rations are getting pretty low.” Dan bumped his elbow against Phil’s.   


“Well I get off work at two if you maybe wanted to meet up and…hang…or something.” Phil cringed inwardly at his own awkwardness.   


But Dan just smiled fondly and said, “Yeah I would like to hang…or something.”

 

“I can meet you at Ben and Jerrys on Pearl Street around 2:15.” Phil said trying to ignore the knot in his chest.   


“That sounds lovely.”

 

“See you tomorrow then?”

 

“See you tomorrow, Lester.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil goes into a dispensary and Dan finds a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I'm horrid at posting in a timely manner :) Thank you for coming back to my story and giving me the encouragement to continue writing ! As always you can follow @candanandphilnot on Tumblr for updates <3

Dan sat on a bench outside of Ben and Jerry's with what felt like a boulder in his stomach (pun intended). Physically, he was playing his keyboard, but mentally he was in another world. His mind wondered through possibilities of what would happen that day. One was of him sitting in a dark, gloomy flat where he was trapped by a malicious looking man who he once thought was nice and easy going. In another, the kind man and himself sat on a rather comfy couch playing Mario Kart, the sun shined  through big, open windows making Dan feel warm and comforted. Then, he imagined being pressed into a bed, a cool, slim body on top of him and pink lips against his- _nope nope nopity nope we are not doing that. He wont look at you like that Daniel._  
  


The previous night had Dan’s mind in a frenzy. How could such a simple, gentle man cause such vicious emotions to erupt inside him. All evening Dan was stealing glances towards Phil and he could only imagine that ebony hair unwashed, clothes rumpled, and a look of excitement as they sat around a new fire ring every night. Never in his life did Dan want to corrupt a yuppie and drag them into his world until Phil showed up.       


But he didn’t know this man. It wouldn’t be the first time he was tricked by a nice facade. His heart said _jump_ but his mind said _wait_. Which was why the pit in his stomach wouldn’t settle. _I’m jumping into this so fast. I’m going to his flat. Alone. I don’t know him. He could be like the rest. Like every other mother fucker that’s messed with my life._  
  


As his fingers move across the keys, they slipped hitting the wrong notes from time to time.  On a normal day his sets would be pristine, every note amplifying in the correct order. Today they floated around in discombobulation.    


Dan finished his last song, then leaned down to pick up his dish.  Satisfied with his twenty two dollars, he packed up his belongings and walked down the sidewalk of the strip mall towards Native Roots. He turned the corner and headed down the outside staircase and opened a thick frosted glass windows with heavy black writing.   


“Hello! Welcome to Native Roots may I see your I.D?” A petite brunette asked as Dan entered the small lobby.   


Dan fished for his tattered leather wallet and pull out his I.D.

 

“Looks like this expired sir.” The girl politely handed the card back.   


“What do you mean?” Dan said mostly to himself. _I still have another year…_

 

Hopes fell low as Dan realized he definitely did have an expired I.D.

 

“Shit I’m sorry, have a nice day.” _Great. Not only do I have an expired I.D now I have to fucking talk to people to get weed. I don’t want to deal with this. I don’t want to ask someone to get my own shit for me._    


A minute later Dan was again sat outside the ice cream shop.   


“Excuse me,” Dan said to a stout man passing, “could you give me the time?”

 

The man pulled a phone out of the back pocket of his jeans, “2:19" he stated as he walked off without another word.   


_He’s late. Maybe he forgot. He probably just realized what a piece of shit I am._

“Dan!”

 

He lifted his head quickly to see Phil walking up to him pushing a mint green bike at his side.   


“Phil!” Dan said with too much enthusiasm as he stood up.   


“How is your day going?” Phil’s face was flushed and his black jeans were covered in what Dan assumed was flour.    


Dan thought about lying and replying with a simple, ‘good' but instead said, “Not so well. I was going to buy some weed but apparently my I.D is expired so I guess I’ll have to figure out how to get some.”

 

Phil startled a bit, “You smoke pot?”

 

He couldn’t blame Phil for being weary. To be fair most people still seen cannabis as a harmful drug even though there was scientific proof it helped with certain conditions. But his reaction made Dan nervous. What if Phil didn’t want anything to do with him now?

 

“Umm, yeah,” Dan rubbed the back of his neck, “PTSD is kind of a bitch. Without it, sleeping is pretty much impossible and I get angry way too quick.”   _Oh god please don’t hate me._

 

“Oh.” Phil shifted on his feat a bit, “I could probably get you some if you’d like.” He held his head up in a courageous type of way that made Dan internally _aawww_.

  
“That’s okay, really Phil, you don’t have to do that for me.” Although Dan wasn’t looking forward to a rough night he still didn’t want to impose.

 

Phil held out his hand, “Do you have the money?”

 

Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill, “Seriously Phil, you don’t have to.”

 

Without hesitation Phil swiped the cash and turned on his heal.   


“Hey Phil, the dispensary is the other direction.” Dan laughed.

 

As smooth as he could, Phil swung back around, “I definitely knew that,” his lips twitched as he held back a smile.   


 

**********

 

  
“Okay, its just down those stairs.” Dan said motioning to the steps.   


Sweat beaded on Phil’s forehead despite the cool weather, “What did you want again?  A bird  plant or something?”

 

Dan let out a cute chuckle and bumped his shoulder into his making Phil’s heart skip. “I want flower which is just normal weed, and a hybrid which is the kind.”

 

“Yeah. Of course.” It wasn’t that Phil didn’t want to help Dan out, it was just he had never been inside a dispensary before. _I mean its legal and it is supposed to help people. It’s not like a real drug. Right?_  
  


“You don’t have to,” Dan said quietly for what seemed like the thirtieth time.

 

Inside his gut, Phil felt a swell of courage. He was going to do this. Dan was a nice man who deserved a good nights sleep. Without another word, Phil descended the staircase meeting the frosted door.   


Inside, the place was dark, black wallpaper with white writing, black chairs and desk. The only light was coming from a dim yellow bulb in the ceiling. A petite women dressed in florals stood behind the desk with a welcoming smile. “Welcome to Native Roots, may I see your I.D?”

 

 “Oh right! Here you are.” Phil handed her the piece of plastic.   


“Oh my gosh I love your accent!”  


It wasn’t the first time an American complimented his accent, but he still flushed bright red, “Thank you, I got it from my mum” He laughed at his own joke.

 

She laughed as well, barely taking any time to skim his I.D before she handed it back, pressed a button on the wall and said, “Go on back, have a great day!” 

 

Phil mumbled a thanks and went through another frosted door that led to a similar looking room but this one was much larger and had glass counters bordering every wall.   


Feeling completely out of his element, Phil approached a counter.  He looked down into the case to see jars upon jars filled with green leafy buds. Every jar had an info card taped to the front. _OJ KUSH THC:25% CBD:2%.....What the actual fuck does this mean._  
  


“Hey man, what can I help you with?” Phil lifted his head to see a dark skinned man with a mountain of dreadlocks piled on his head.      


“Well actually I don’t really know what I’m looking for. A flower hybrid?” Phil fiddled with his wallet.

 

“Oh course brother, that’s why I’m here to help,” Dreadlocks man, which according to his name plate was Muhammad,  held up a few different options for Phil to smell. Not wanting to be rude Phil smelled them all not really knowing what to think but nodding after each one as if he were debating it. They all smelled the same yet different. It was a weird experience.   


After discussing the weed some more the man filled a green container with the plant, threw some white labels on it, and Phil rejoined Dan on the pavement.   


“I'm so proud of you.” Dan smiled cheekily as Phil approached holding out the white plastic bag containing the weed.     


“He made me smell them all and now I feel like I’m going to sneeze.”

 

“Oh no, you probably have a contact high now,” Dan’s eyebrows pulled together.   


Phil’s eyes widened, “Can that happen? Dan, I’ve never been high before.” Phil felt queasy and held his hands out to make sure everything was still normal.    


“No, you dingus.” Dan threw his head back in laughter.   


“Don’t scare me like that Dan! Such a rude boy,” Phil smacked Dan on the shoulder. It seems like shoulder touches were a big thing between them somehow. Phil couldn’t help but feel content around Dan. It was like he brought this calming aura that left Phil feeling like he was floating. Maybe this was what it was like to be high.      


  
************

  


“Well, if you still want to, my flat is back this way,” Phil pointed down a side road away from the strip mall.

 

 Dan’s stomach clenched, “Lead the way Mr. Lester.”

 

They started down the road looking pretty ridiculous Dan thought. _Here’s a straight laced, clean cut, mint green bicycle riding man, next to a stained, homeless rat who hasn’t seen a shower in months._    


“You know, its kinda not fair how you know my full name and yet all I have to work off of is _Dan._ ” Phil said after a bit.   


“Its actually Daniel, but I think Dan is more fitting.”

 

“You're avoiding the question.” Phil whipped

 

“Well, Lester, if I were to tell you I’d have to kill you” He looked at Phil as seriously as he could.   


“You probably shouldn’t say that to someone who is about to invite you to their house.” Phil said sounding unsettled.

 

Dan couldn’t help but laugh, “I'm one hundred percent fucking with you. But seriously I don’t tell people my last name. You’re lucky you got my first.”

 

“Oh yeah?  Why is that?” Phil shot back.

 

“Well its one of my rules to survival out here. If people know who you really are its going to be a lot easier for them to find you.”

 

They were silent for the remainder of the walk. Dan could feel tension build between them as they arrived at a small apartment complex that had beautiful purple flowers planted in beds all along the building. The red trim made the apartments stand out against the green trees that framed them. Phil pulled his bike up to a metal U shaped bar bolted to the ground, locked his bike to it, then motioned for Dan to follow him.

 

He followed Phil up a wooden staircase on the side of the buildings that led to a white door with 1A written in red paint. _You can do this. He’s not going to murder you. I mean with that face? He could probably kill me with that jaw line though. Jesus._  


The first thought Dan had when he stepped into the apartment was, _does Phil have kids?_ The walls were covered with posters of movies and video games mixed in with framed photos that seems to be of different parts of the world and unfamiliar faces. There were bookshelves covered in stuffed animals and small, brightly colored knickknacks. The apartment was small but it was cozy. Warm light shined through the sliding glass door on the far wall and a big window under the sink from the kitchen. There was a small hallway that broke up the living room and kitchen which Dan assumed led to a bedroom and bathroom.   


“Welcome to my home.” Phil said awkwardly as he hung up his jacket and keys on hooks hanging on the wall beside the door.   


Dan breathed in, “It smells like a million candles in here.” He lowered his pack off his back and set it on the ground next to some shoes.   


Phil let out a small chuckle and said, “Yeah I kind of have a problem. I _love_ candles. This one is my favorite!” He stepped over to a coffee table sat in front of the black sofa and grabbed a candle that had seen better days. Dan followed and was stopped by Phil shoving the candle right up to Dan’s nose, “Guess the smell!”

 

Dan humored him by taking a big whiff and turned his face up into a contemplating look. “I want to say it’s something like, Rainforest Floor, or Mountain Babbling Brook.”

  
Phil’s face lit up, “Its actually called Forest Rain! You were so close!”

 

“I have my degree in candle fragrances.”

 

“You could say its pretty lit.”

 

“Phil! No!” Dan laughed trying to push Phil as far away from him as possible.

 

Phil grabbed Dan’s wrists and tried to push back but was shaking with laughter, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth, “Don’t push me away yet! I’m supposed to be helping you get a job!”

 

After their laughter died down, Phil disappeared back the hall way to search for his laptop. Dan took the opportunity to inspect the various framed photos on the white walls. Above the couch hung a rather lovely, oversized photo of a rolling green hillside. Sat on the side table between the wall and sofa, was a smaller frame that held what Dan assumed to be a family photo. There stood Phil with a huge grin on his face, his left arm draped around another man that resembled Phil but was shorter and had bright red hair. Two polar opposites. But around Phil’s other arm stood a petite woman linked to a tall skinny gentlemen. Behind them all, towered a pyramid surrounded by cascading sand dunes blown into perfectly smooth hills. Honestly it looked as if they had taken a picture out of a magazine and taped an ordinary looking family to it.      


“Alright, got the laptop and charger. Ready to- oh.”

 

Dan startled and turned quickly, “Sorry, just admiring your photos. This your family I reckon?”

 

“Yeah, that’s my mum and dad and my brother Martyn. That was our holiday to Egypt the year after I graduated university.”

 

“Wow, that must have been amazing.” Dan turned back around and looked at the Photo again. He let out a curt laugh, “Wish I could have gotten an experience like that. You’re lucky.”

  
***********

  


Phil was taken back by the jealousy in Dan’s voice, “You’re still young, Dan. Plus I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of cool places.”   

 

“Just the United States though, I’d love to see the rest of the world.” Dan’s shoulders were slumped and his voice low.   


“Well you’re not going to see anywhere else if you don’t start looking for work.” Phil reached out with his free hand and placed it on the boys shoulder.   


Dan let out a defeated sigh, “ Okay mum.” He turned his head back towards Phil and gave him a tight smile.   


Minutes later Phil was sat on the sofa next to Dan, both sitting cross legged their knees touching. He couldn’t remember a time where just the smallest touch made his heart beat a mile a minute. The spot where they were connected felt so warm and comforting. _It’s only his knee get over yourself._ He watched as Dan scrolled through Craigslist, his eyes darting between the laptop and Dan’s determined face. It was the moment that Dan had received an email back almost immediately after sending for a yard work job, Phil knew he never really wanted Dan to leave. Dan’s face glowed with accomplishment and his voice was once again calm and bubbly.       


“Thank you so much Phil. Seriously, I owe you one.” Dan said as he closed the laptop.   


“Its no problem really.” _His face is so close to mine right now._

“Holy crap its already six! I need to get going. Still need to find dinner and get back up the hill.” Dan stood up and set the computer on the coffee table.   


“Are you going to be able to get back down here in the morning before you have to be at the guys house for work?” Phil stood with him and followed him to the door.   


Picking up his pack Dan said, “I hope so. Seven in the morning is such an ungodly hour.”

 

“You could stay here.” Phil blurted out before he thought about it.   


The traveler just raised his eyebrows at Phil with a surprised look on his face.   


“Sorry, is that weird? You don’t know me, that’s probably weird.” _I’m so dumb oh god._

“I mean maybe I could stay and get to know you.” Dan mumbled standing with his pack awkwardly hanging half off his back.   


“I would love that! I could make us some dinner and maybe we can play some Mario Kart if you are into that.” Phil said wiping his sweating hands on his flour stained jeans.   


“You have Mario Kart?” Dan dropped his pack back to the ground.   


“I have tons of video games we can play, I have almost every console.” Happiness swirled around Phil’s chest and he couldn’t help but smile.   


“I can see the headline now: _Man enslaves and kills traveler with the promise of food and video games._ ”   

 

“Yeah because I’m going to kill you on the race track.”

 

“Oh really now?” Dan smirked.   


Phil felt heat rush to his cheeks. _Is he flirting with me or is that just how he is?_

__  
“Yeah, really.” Phil retorted.  


“Well then lets get to it, you can’t tell me you have Mario Kart and just leave me standing here waiting.” Dan motioned with his arms for Phil to start walking.   


Phil turned towards the couch, “I'll have you know I’m an expert at Mario Kart.”

 

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night at Phil's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! So far i think this is my favorite chapter :) As always you can follow me on tumblr @candanandphilnot. enjoy<3

“Sheeeeeeee!”

 

“Come on Philly, I’m not even trying here. Look, no hands,” Dan moved the joystick with his nose.   


“Eat my blue shell!” Phil screamed as he smashed buttons.   


“No! I’m almost there!” The blue shell creeped up on Dan’s character as he approached the finish line.    


The blue shell spins over Luigi before it barrels down on the cart, right in front of the finish. Yoshi slips by and Phil shoots up from his seat, arms flying up in the air.       


“No, no _no!!_ ” Dan yelled, bouncing up and down on the couch.   


Phil’s body vibrated with laughter as he fell back onto the couch. He couldn’t deny he was happy to see Dan finally lose a game after he didn’t know how many they had played already. Dan would tease him and mock him after every race, but not in a mean way. It was in a way that made Phil want to try harder just so he could tease him back.    


When Dan and himself arrived at his apartment earlier in the day, Phil had been well, terrified to be honest. Not only was Dan seeing where he lived, Dan was seeing that Phil lived in a god damn pigsty. Dishes were piled on the sink, the carpet needed vacuumed, and the hardwood floors in the kitchen needed mopped in the worst way. To be fair, Phil could see it had been probably months since Dan seen a shower, and his clothes had been properly washed, so he shouldn’t had been as nervous as he was. But deep down, Phil had the desire to impress Dan. Maybe if he took a liking to Phil it would give himself an excuse to get out of Boulder and travel again.   


“Fine Lester, you win this one, but enjoy it because I won’t go so easy on you next time.”  Dan placed his controller on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch adjusting his hat.  


Before Phil could think of a cunning response, the door bell chimed.   


“Thank god, I’m starving!” Phil jumped up and ran to the door. He thanked the delivery man and took the warm Chinese food stuffed in a brown paper bag, along with a two liter bottle of Coke. Using his hip, he closed the door. He turned around to see Dan fishing through his pack.   


“What are you doing?” Phil asked as he set everything down on the counter.   


Dan pulled out a stained plastic plate, a metal cup, and what looked like a pocket knife.  “Getting my bliss.”

 

Phil chuckled a bit, “Bliss?”

 

“Sorry, traveler lingo. I need my kitchenware so I can eat, you spork.”

 

Phil was about to argue but decided against it. There was a pattern Phil began to notice. Dan really didn’t want anyone’s help with anything.  What happened to make the boy so resistant to accept help from others  that even something as simple as using someone else’s dishes seemed like a big deal? Maybe it was just the way he was or maybe it was time after time of dealing with shit people that made Dan the way he was. It was even in the way he carried himself that shouted, ‘I don’t need you or anyone else.’

 

“Fine then, less dishes for me.” Phil decided on.   


“Exactly. I’m not going to make my host dirty his dishes for me. That’s just plain rude.” Dan said as he made his way over to the counter.   


The scent of fake Chinese food allowed the boys no delay in filling their plates and making their way back to couch with their food and drinks.   


“So,” Phil started as he picked up the Wii remote from the coffee table, “What do you want to watch? I have Netflix and Hulu, so really the world of movies and television is at our finger tips.”

 

Dan took a hearty bite of chicken using the pocket knife contraption that happened to be a cutlery set, chewed, and swallowed , “Have any anime? It’s been awhile since I’ve watched anything.”

 

“Oh my god have you ever seen Food Wars? That’s literally my favorite! Sometimes I watch it on an empty stomach and trust me that’s never a good idea.”

 

“Yes! What'you waiting for? Turn it on, turn it on!” Dan said enthusiastically sitting back a little further on the sofa and removes his hat allowing his matted brown curls to fall over his face.    


“This is fantastic, Fey doesn’t quite enjoy anime, so usually its just me being a loser by myself.”

 

“Well now we can be losers together,” Dan said as his face turned a tint of pink.   


Phil couldn’t help but stare for a few seconds taking in Dan’s expression. Surely he didn’t mean this would happen again. Although the thought of spending every night watching anime and eating take out with a handsome boy sounded enticing, Phil tried not to read too far into the statement. And successfully failed.     


They finished their food and sat bloated as a few episodes of Food Wars played through.    


“So uh,” Dan started as an episode ended. Phil glanced over to see him fiddling with a curl hanging down by his ear, “would you mind if I maybe smoked this?” he pulled out the weed container from the front pocket of his bibs with one hand, and placed his hat back on his head with the other.   


“Oh! Right, yeah. But not in here, I think the landlord would have my head if my flat smelled of weed. You can step out onto the patio though.” Phil pointed to the sliding glass door that led to a small deck.   


“Are you sure? Like, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in your own home.” Dan’s eyes stared at the floor like he was disassociating.      


“No, no! I won’t be uncomfortable, although I appreciate that. Like a lot. You deserve a good nights sleep.” Why was he so nervous? Weed was legal and Dan was an adult. Maybe because he’d never been around anybody who had been high. Would it change him? Would he turn into a different person under the influence?    


“Right, thanks.” Dan met Phil’s eyes now, his smile soft and warm.  Phil felt a flutter in his stomach. _Why does he have to be so cute. He’s just being polite. Don’t get your hopes up Phil._ The butterflies continued to swarm inside Phil as he watched Dan turn to head out the door.   


A second passed before Phil also stood and walked towards the deck, grabbed a sweatshirt off the arm chair, threw it over his head, and joined Dan. The sun had long set, but Phil could still see Dan’s face illuminated by the artificial light from inside shining through the glass door.   


“Oh, hello there,” Dan mused as he pulled out a little book of rolling papers from one of his many pockets.      


“Hello, friend.” Phil said as he took a seat on the wooden bench that took up most of the deck. He watched as Dan gently held a folded paper in one hand and sprinkled leaves into the grease with the other. Something about Dan rolling a joint seemed other worldly, how he seemed to effortlessly move the paper in such a way to make it roll into itself to form a perfect tube.   


“Oh, are we friends now?” Dan grinned cheekily before he stuck out his tongue and moved it across the paper. It wasn’t meant to be seductive and Phil knew that, but it still made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.   “You may not say that after you get to know me more.”

 

“Well then, tell me something about yourself and we’ll find out.” Phil said with confidence as he slid his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.   


Dan hummed as he stuck one end of his joint in his mouth, pulled a lighter out and lit the other end. He took a long drag before he said, “Where should I start?” his voice low as he held the smoke in his lungs, “My shitty childhood? My long past of drug abuse? My abusive exes?” he blew out the sweet smelling smoke, “Or maybe I should start with my on going mental illness and my constant thoughts of suicide?” as he said the last part he shifted away, leaning both hands against the wooden side rail.   


_Wow okay, he wasn’t lying about laying it all on the table._ Phil stiffened at the reply but forced himself to continue the conversation, “I was thinking more like, you could tell me your favorite book.”

“Now why the fuck would you want to know that.” Dan replied in a hushed tone as he took another drag.   


“You can tell a lot by someone’s taste in literature.” He could tell Dan had walls up and figured it was going to take a lot to break them down. Why he wanted to demolish that barrier, he wasn’t sure, but the need was there, and he was at least going to try to satisfy it.   


Slowly Dan turned, a small smile on his face. “Why are you doing this?”

 

“You know, I’m not really sure. Maybe I see a little bit of myself in you.”

 

“So you were also addicted to coke?” A dry laugh escaped his lips.   


“No, but I’m definitely addicted to caffeine and it’s practically the same thing, right?” Phil finally returned his smile to let him know that it was okay. Everyone had their issues, his so happen to be coffee, a lack of communication, and not being able to let go of a town in the middle of America he never thought he would call home.   


This time Dan let out a real laugh, “You know, you’re not wrong.” He hesitated and his smile faltered, “Seriously though Phil, I have a lot of issues. I’m not really sure you want to get involved with a guy like me.”

 

“A guy like you? Do you mind expanding on that statement?”

 

Thick tension hovered in the air between them like a thick smog over a big bustling city. “A guy who has no idea what he’s doing. Someone who quite literally runs away from every problem that arises. Why do you think I travel so much? There’s not a place I’ve found that can handle me for more than three months. I’m broken and even if you think so, you’re not going to be able to fix _this._ ” He motioned towards himself as he turned his whole body in Phil’s direction, the red hot cherry of his joint glowing in the dark.   


Phil couldn’t help but laugh. It was definitely not the right time for laughter but he couldn’t stop the sound, “Dan, I’m not out to _fix you._ I can’t single handedly solve all your problems, but you seem like you could use someone to help you through them. I’m sorry if I’m being too forward, I’ve just grown very fond of you.” His voice lowered as Phil finished his sentence realizing too late that he was probably over sharing. He had known Dan for what? Three days? And now he was professing a strong urge to become…something.     


Dan’s stare burned into Phil’s skull, the travelers mouth agape and eyebrows stretched far up on his face. Slowly Dan’s expression softened, “You know, its not the first time I’ve been told something similar, but I’m willing to take that risk. And I really hope you don’t make me regret it. I can’t tell if you’re being genuine or if you’re just a very well put together sociopath.”

   

“Well if I tell you I’m _not_ a sociopath, that’s just suspicious.” Phil said trying to lighten the mood.   


“Do you want some?” Dan extended his hand, the joint sitting comfortably between his pointer and middle finger.   


A bit startled by the sudden change of conversation, Phil shifted back and held his hands up, “Oh no, I’m fine, thank you.”

 

“Just one hit,” Dan smiled and waved the ember.   


“Seriously I’ve never smoker weed, I’d probably just have a panic attack,”

 

“Your name’s not skip,”

 

“Dan.”

 

“It's not peer pressure, it’s your turn,” the playful smile Dan wears grows ever so slightly.   


This time Phil giggles, “Dan, anxiety and pressure doesn’t mix well,”

 

“Alright, but weed does tend to help with that, just saying,” he pulls back his hand and returns the joint to his own mouth.   


“Maybe once you trust me, I’ll trust you and your devil lettuce.”    

 

“Oh, _once_ I trust you? Buckle up because that’s going to be a wild ride to that destination.”

 

“Can I at least bring snacks?”   


“Sure, you’ll probably need some of your coke-bean-juice too.”

 

“Oh, of course. I always need my coke-bean-juice.”

 

After a few silent minutes Dan snuffed out his joint and they returned inside.   


“You can sleep where ever you’d like,” Phil said as he gathered the dirty dishes. Dan was quick to swipe them and make a b-line to the sink. “Hey, I’ve got those.”

“No, you bought dinner, I'll clean these so you can get ready for bed.” He said with a tone that left  no room for arguments.   


“Anyway, you can take the couch or there is a futon in the spare room. I’ll find some extra blankets and a pillow.” Phil turned towards the bedrooms.

 

“No need,” Dan said over the sound of the running faucet stopping Phil in his tracks, “I have my own.”  

 

“Alright, well, I'll be leaving around four thirty in the morning, so I trust you’ll lock the door behind you. And you’re more than welcome to leave your pack here if you’d like. I’ll be back a little after two in the afternoon.” Phil silently hoped that Dan wouldn’t run back off to the woods but didn’t have much hope for that thought.   


“Thank you, I appreciate that,” He rinsed the last dish and set it in the drying rack, “but ill probably head back up the hill tomorrow evening. Wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome.”

 

 _Not possible_ Phil thought, out loud he said, “You’re welcome here anytime Dan,”

 

“Maybe I'll come back then, but probably only for another round of Mario Kart.” Dan smiled as he made his way over to his pack.   


“Oh so you’ll come back for Mario Kart but not me?” _Oh shit did I just flirt?_  
  


As Dan pulled out a rolled up bag and a brown stained pillow that looked like it was once white, he said, “Alright, maybe I’m using video games as an excuse to see you again.”

 

 _Oh god we’re flirting aren’t we._ “You’ve become delusional, time for bed,” He could feel heat radiating from his cheeks, there was no doubt he was as red as a stop sign.   


“You said I could sleep anywhere right?” Dan came closer, his bedding under his arms.   


“Yeah, where ever you’d like. You’re probably too tall for the couch, the futon would probably be your best bet.”

 

“What about your bed?” Phil snapped his head up from its previous lowered position to meet Dan’s eyes that had a fire burning in them that matched the heat in Phil’s cheeks.  


Before he could quite register what Dan had actually said the boy continued his eyes becoming more distant and his voice changing from sultry to unsure, “ I-Im sorry, wow. Yeah the futon is where?”

 

Phil turned without saying anything. What was he suppose to say to that, even though he knew fully well that he wanted to say there was enough room for another body, specifically Dan’s.   


They came to the end of the short hallway and went through the last door opening to the small guest room that held a queen size futon similar to Phil’s bed.  


Without another word Dan entered the room and began rolling out his sleeping bag.   


“Um, you’re also more than welcome to take a shower before you go tomorrow.” Phil all but whispered as he stood awkwardly in the doorway.

 

“Oh, is that why you don’t want me in your bed? I definitely could use one.” Dan said his voice laced with no emotion.   


“No, I’d let you in my bed but I’m not sure you trust me yet.”

 

Dan finished smoothing out his bedding and stepped over in front of Phil, a coy smile playing on his lips. “So, is a night with you my reward for opening up? Because in that case I may stick around for awhile.” He leaned against the doorway with both hands on either side leaning in close to Phil which made his heart increase in speed drastically.   


“Dan, are you flirting with me?” He meant to retort with something more cunning but that slipped out instead.   


Dan just leaned in closer until their noses were only inches apart, so close Phil could feel the heat of Dan breath on his face, and the brim of his hat just barely touched Phil’s forehead, “I haven’t even began to try yet, Philly. Good night.” With a quick wink, he pushed off the doorway and closed the door in Phil's face leaving him drowning nerves and excitement.     


After just standing in front of the closed guest bedroom door for a good two minutes in complete and utter shock, Phil turned towards the bathroom. He stripped down to his birthday suit as he waited for the running bath water to heat up. _He doesn’t really want you Phil, come on. You’re so bland and lame and he’s…fucking fit. And definitely in shape from all the walking he does. He’s got so much more life experiences. All you’ve done is live off your grandparents money and take crappy photos of beautiful places that you would have never seen if you weren’t born with a golden spoon in your mouth. Dan works hard and is respectful. But…he wanted to stay in my bed. Maybe_ he _just thinks_ I’m _fit._ Phil turned towards the bathroom mirror and took in the view of his pale, scrawny body. _Well that’s definitely not it. I mean I fed him dinner but its not like I have anything of actual value to offer as a person. Maybe he just sees something I don’t._

His shower took much longer than it needed to as he spent most of his time in there just standing under the scolding hot water trying to figure out what just happened. Maybe all he needed was a good nights sleep and a day at work with Fey to clear his mind.     


Eventually he decided to get out of the shower, mostly because he was beginning to lose hot water, but also because it was probably past midnight and he was due at work in a few hours. How was he suppose to sleep knowing Dan, a guy who literally just told him he wanted to shag, was laying right beside him with only a wall between the boys?    


Dressed only in a towel, Phil quickly made his way across the hall into the safety of his room. Being too tired and lazy, he just dropped the towel and crawled under his green and blue duvet. Slowly but surely his eyes drifted shut and slipped out of consciousness with Dan’s voice playing on repeat. _I haven’t even began to try yet, Philly. Good night_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan has a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Thank you for coming back to read my mediocre writing! I've been in a good place mentally and I have so many ideas for up coming chapters! As always you can follow me on Tumblr @candanandphilnot :)

The last thing Dan wanted to do was wake up. He could have just ignored the crash he heard, but his brain wouldn’t allow it. It could be a burglary or it could (most likely) be Phil dropping something, but he couldn’t risk if it was an intruder. Quickly he rolled off his stomach and threw the sleeping bag off of him. _This is why I sleep with my boots on._ Years ago he mastered the art of stealth when it came to walking around houses, especially in those where he knew he was unwelcome. Pushing slightly on the door, he turned the knob with one smooth motion and pulled it open just enough for his body to slip through. The hallway was short enough he only had to take two strides with his feet bowed just a bit to make little noise.

 

“Damn it, come on.” Dan heard a voice come from around the corner in the kitchen. As slowly as he could, he peeked around the wall. At first there was nothing, then a moment later Phil popped up from behind the counter. Dan’s heart beat slowed realizing it was just Phil being clumsy. Butterflies swarmed Dan’s chest as the memories from the night prior stormed his mind. Had he really been that forward? Remembering the look on Phil face as he closed the bedroom door solidified that. He had looked so shocked. _God he’s never going to want me back here. I’m such a fucking creep._ Present day Phil was in a blue short sleeved shirt, his hair sticking up in random spots giving him a cute, I-just-rolled-out-of-bed look.

 

“Gah!” Phil let out a squeal that could have been emitted from a twelve year old girl, and dropped whatever was in his hand, “Dan! God you scared me.”

  
Dan finished turning the corner, embarrassed that he’d just been caught basically gawking at Phil. “Sorry, I heard something. I was just making sure it wasn’t like a chainsaw murderer or something.”

  
As Dan made his way to the counter Phil bent back over to pick up the mystery item again that turned out to be a jar of instant coffee grounds.

 

“That’s alright, I’m still half asleep. I sorta forgot you were here,” Phil chuckled. Dan noticed dark circles under Phil’s eyes and the way he slowly grabbed a towel out of a drawer to clean up the coffee grounds spewed over the counter and floor. “How was your sleep?” He asked absentmindedly.

 

Dan took a second to lean up against the counter and let out a sigh, “To be honest? Not too well. I’m not particularly excited to go work but I could really use the money.”

  
“Hmm,” Phil hummed as he finished cleaning up his mess while the kettle behind him on the stove whistled loudly. “Want some coffee to start the day? Maybe it’ll give you the energy for work.”

  
“You know, I thought you’d have something better than peasant instant coffee, but I’ll take it.” Dan said giving Phil a smile. Instant coffee was something he got very use to over the years of traveling even though he still despised the stuff. It’s hard to make a proper cup of coffee without electricity at his disposal.

 

“Actually, I prefer the peasant instant coffee. Not sure why, I just think it tastes better. Which mug would you like?” Phil turned on his heel and opened a cupboard above the sink revealing two shelves filled with all different kinds of coffee mugs.

  
Dan couldn’t help but laugh, “Jesus Christ, how many mugs does one man need?”

  
Phil turned towards him slightly his shoulders tensing a bit and a pink undertone creeping on his cheeks , “I collect them.”

 

“That’s cool though, I collect pins and patches.” Dan said feeling bad that he may have made Phil feel self conscious.

 

Carefully, Phil moved some mugs aside and pulled out one with a toucan on the side along with his name, and one shaped like Hello Kitty, “You can have this one,” he placed the Hello Kitty mug in front of Dan with a smirk plastered on his face.

 

“Good, it just so happens that Hello Kitty is my favorite, so jokes on you.” Dan snatched the mug off the counter trying to make his expression as smug as possible.

 

It still surprised Dan that it was so easy to joke with and tease Phil especially after last nights events. No matter what he said, Phil never took it personally. Although in the back of Dan’s mind he was still waiting for it. The snap, the change, where Phil would turn into everything he feared.

 

Phil turned around to grab the kettle and filled Dan’s mug with boiling water, “Shit, actually, I gotta take mine to go if I don’t want to be late. You’re more than welcome to stick around until you need to leave. I just ask you lock the door behind you.” Phil said as he grabbed a thermos from the same cabinet as the mugs and finished making his coffee.

 

“Thanks, again I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” Dan called as Phil made his way back the hall. A moment passed and Phil returned in a yellow hoodie and black pants, his hand running through his ebony hair trying to tame the mess.

 

Phil stepped over to Dan as he turned to face Phil. Do I hug him? A nice handshake perhaps? Phil hesitated as if he though the same thing, then placed a hand on Dan’s shoulder, “Its no problem, I’m willing to help. Have a good day, Dan.” Phil gave him a small smile before he removed his hand and made his way to the door, “If you’d like to come back over tonight you’re more than welcome to,” He shrugged on his heavier black jacket and grabbed his keys off the hook.

 

“Depends on how I feel, I may have to come back just to kick your ass at Mario Kart again.” Dan teased.

 

“Well,” Phil pulled the door ajar, “I look forward to you kicking my ass.” With one last smile Phil left leaving Dan alone with his thoughts _. What the fuck do I even do about this._

 

Trying to suppress that thought, Dan chugged the rest of his bitter coffee and went towards the bathroom. He had a few hours until he had to be across town, so he decided on a shower first. The bathroom was small but like the rest of the house, it was littered with knickknacks and pictures of different landscapes. Bright blue mats laid on the floor that matched the shower curtain and drapes covering the small, square window above the toilet. Dan took little time stripping away all three layers of tattered and dirty clothes along with his worn boots. In front of him, his naked reflection stared back at him. Dirt streaked face, matted brown curls and hollow eyes that had been void of emotion for years. Why Phil was being so nice to this sad looking figure? Dan couldn’t fathom an answer. What arterial motives did he have? Would he use him for his own sexual gain like Alex? Or maybe use him to unload some emotional baggage before letting him loose like Claire? Or perhaps he would be like the worst of all, Riley. Dan could visibly see the goosebumps pop up on his forearms just thinking of her. Phil could be like her and use him to escape his life here just to leave him stranded, with no one to lean on, steal all his hopes and dream just for his own personal gain of escape.

 

Hot water was calling his name. How long had it been since he last showered? Three, maybe four months? It was at the end of trim season when he was able to afford a hotel room, but that money quicker disappeared into new gear, clothes and nights at too expensive hotels. He messed with the knobs a bit to get the right temperature then stepped into the steamy stream.  _Holy shit, I forgot how_ amazing  _this feels._

 

Slowly but surely he rinsed all the filth off his body watching the brown water rush down the drain. _Berry scented soap? I would have preferred something like Irish Spring or Sandalwood but I guess it will do_. He stayed under the water until it turned cold. Reluctantly Dan got out of the shower and dried himself off with a towel he found under the sink.

 

After throwing his clothes back on, he returned to the room for his pack. He needed to find some food and water before heading out. _I’ll fill up my canteen in the sink and I’m sure I have a protein bar somewhere in my pack._ Dan eventually fell into his rut and began his day.

 

* * *

 

“Hey boy! Toss me that hammer!”

  
Dan actually hated these jobs. They were all the same so once you worked one, you knew the drill. First you meet the old racist man with graying hair that has a slight southern accent but he’s probably from the north. He’s your usual hard working American that most likely voted for Trump and thinks he’s helping the country in some way shape or form. His wife is nice and gives you some lemonade and sometimes they have a cute dog to pet. But then you get to work and you’re either let loose to pull weeds in a garden for hours on end or you get to follow Mr. All American Man around listening to him bark orders, maybe even yell at you once or twice for not doing something right that he barely explained.

 

The sun was bright, shining down on the suburban area. Dan was sweating through the remaining two layers of clothing on his body, making him thankful for the shower earlier that morning. He was quite literally knee deep in weeds, his hands covered in mud, and he could feel the wetness of the ground soaking through his jeans and long johns making him slightly uncomfortable, but he’d definitely been in worse situations. The work wasn’t that strenuous, he just didn’t enjoy this work. Dan always dreamed of doing something different with his life, like maybe performing on a stage to a rendition of Hamlet, or maybe editing videos or movies. But he knew those dreams were far fetched as he couldn’t even get the right documentation to even be considered hirable by anyone that wasn’t under the table. Any work is good work.

 

But at the end of the day Dan was always tired, dirty, and ready to crawl into his sleeping bag. He left with $200 dollars in his pocket, $150 from Mr. All American and $50 from his wife because _you look like you need it._

  
The sun was low in the sky, his pack was too heavy on his back, and honestly Dan just wished he was back at Phil’s, smoking a joint with Phil rambling on about something medial and mind numbing. _First a dispensary then fuck it, I want to see Phil_.

 

It took Dan a good hour to make it back into the thick of Boulder. He took a short cut down a back ally he figured would get him to Pearl Street faster, when he noticed the faint sound of foot steps behind him. Adrenaline started pumping through his veins and his legs picked up the pace. He reached down into his front pocket and wrapped his fingers around his pocket knife. _I see the end of the ally. There should be more people out there. Less of a chance of-_

 

His foot caught on something even though he was sure he was paying attention. With a thud Dan hit the ground, his pack knocking the air out of his lungs leaving him gasping. Then, the next minute seemed to go in slow motion. His pack was ripped off his arms leaving a brush burn on his skin. Shadows flipped him on his back as he flailed hoping to get a good breath in so he could at least try to defend himself. But there were fast and hard hits to his ribs denying his lungs any chance of air.

 

Hands were grabbing and ripping all over his body, pulling him from side to side his face being smashed into the brick sidewalk as the smell of trash and blood filled his nose. The whole ordeal lasted maybe two minutes but Dan laid in the ally weaving in and out if consciousness long enough that he eventually heard the traffic from nearby streets thin out, and the sound of people passing completely vanished. Eventually Dan decided it was time to figure out what the damage was as his head was pounding loud in his ears, and his left leg seemed to be numb. He pulled his arm out from underneath his body and tried to prop himself up, but a burning pain radiated from his middle and he couldn’t feel anything but pain. It was like he was watching a movie of himself laying on the ground, helpless and pathetic.

 

After what felt like an eternity, Dan forced his body in an upright position. He hobbled in what he hoped was the right direction to the only place he knew to go. No phone to call anyone, no idea where to even start looking for a hospital. Finally he found the right street and made his way to a white apartment building with red shutters. He found a wooden staircase on the far side of the building and collapsed. Was he really going to try to climb these stairs? Well I guess I could just try to yell. “Phi-!” _Oh god my_ fucking _sides_. _That’s not happening_. _I_ _guess its either climb these stairs or stay out here all night. I mean, I’ve already lost everything including my dignity and probably way too much blood, so I don’t really have anything else to lose._

 

Every stair felt like a _fucking_ mountain. The pain Dan felt over his whole body threatened the prospect of passing out again. _You can sleep once your inside. Maybe. If Phil doesn’t turn me away. Oh god I really hope he doesn’t turn me away._

 

His award, a knock on the door so quite Dan wasn’t sure if Phil would even hear it, but his vision was blurry and his head felt like a balloon. _I’ll just sit and wait…_

 

“Dan!”

 

“Oh Philly, how was your day?” Dan’s eyes were already closed and his mind drifted even though his body was moving without him doing a thing. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surpise! I'm like overwhelmed from the like 3 people who commented last chapter and I'm like I NEED TO POST MORE TO PLEASE MY THE READERS. But anywho I'm gonna try my hardest to update every week if not more so the next chapter should be posted next Friday! I'm going to TRY to get more chapters written this week so I can post more and have backup chapters if something happens and I can't write. Thank you guys so much for the support and actually liking what I'm writing? And as always you can follow me on Tumblr @candanandphilnot love you all <3<3

Hospital chairs were the worst. When Phil was in primary school, his brother Martyn had broken his leg from falling out of a tree. So while he was getting x-rays and a cast, Phil remembered his butt going numb sitting in the blue chairs of the waiting room. The scene around him was different now, but he still shifted uncomfortably like he did so many years ago.

 

Dan laid unconscious in the white bed and hospital gown, stitches above his right eye which was swollen, surrounded by an ugly purplish bruise and the left side of his face marked with a huge red scrape. Phil’s heart clenched tight in his chest watching the boy lay there asleep. There were so many different thoughts running through Phil’s head, it was hard to keep them straight. _What happened? Where are his things? How can I help him? Will he even let me help him?_

 

Phil pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and brought the screen to life noticing a new text from Fey.

 

**12:05pm**   
**Fey: How’s dan doing?**

  
Phil sighed as he started typing **.**

  
**12:05pm**   
**Phil: Sleeping still. Got 22 stitches in his forehead, broken ribs, mild concussion, and his left leg is broken. Dr said he’ll be fine though. How is work?**

 

**12:06pm**  
 **Fey: Boring without you lol eating lunch by myself sucks dick**.

 

Phil smiled at his phone.

 

**12:07pm**   
**Phil: Would I be crazy if I let Dan stay with me? He has literally nothing now and I feel bad.**

 

He dropped his phone on his lap and dragged both hands across his face. How could he let Dan go back to wondering the streets and living in the forest with his leg in a cast and open wounds with no medical supplies?

 

_Ding ding_.

 

**12:09pm**   
**Fey: Honestly you’d be a monster if you didn’t at least offer. Maybe you can hire him as your maid lol.**

 

_Of course! I literally could pay him for cleaning my house and maybe running errands for me once his leg is better. What better way to spend my inheritance than to help someone who really needs it?_   
  
  
The door to Dan’s room creaked opened slowly as an older woman in bright pink scrubs slipped inside.

 

“How is he doing?” She asked quietly giving Phil a smile as she walked over and started checking the IV attached to Dan’s left hand.

 

“Still hasn’t woken up yet.” Phil sighed shifting in his chair again.

 

“Well once he’s up and feels okay enough, y’all are free to go home. Just check out at the front desk honey. I hope he feels better soon.” She said taking out the IV and wrapping his hand up.

 

After a minute the nurse left leaving Phil to ponder on his plan. Dan was sure to argue with him about staying, that was a given considering Dan felt like he was imposing on one night let alone six to eight weeks. _You’re going to have to stand your ground Phil. He’s not going to accept this so easily_.

 

An hour later, Phil watched as Dan stirred, his breathing becoming uneven as he twisting his sheets around his legs and his face scrunched up in discomfort. One blink. Two. Three. Dan swiveled his head back and forth in a quick motion before throwing his blankets off and swinging one leg over the side of the bed.

 

  
“Fuck, fuck _fuck_!” Dan screamed falling back onto the bed.

 

“Oh my god, Dan!” Phil jumped up and ran over to the bed hovering over Dan.

 

“What the actually _fuck_. Where the _fuck am I and what the fucking shit!_ ” Dan continued screaming hold his sides.

 

“Hey, hey! It’s okay! It’s Phil, I’m here. You’re in the hospital, its fine everything is fine.” Phil replied in a quieter voice waving his hands in front if himself unsure what to do.

 

Dan was grunting rocking back and forth of his sides his arms still wrapped around himself. Slowly his breathing calmed, his eyes glued shut, his hands moving to his head to rub his temples.

 

“Dan?” Phil prompted after a minute of silence.

 

Dan didn’t say anything, he kept rubbing his temples taking deep breaths wincing on every inhale.

 

Realizing how close was to Dan, Phil stepped back and sat down in his chair. Maybe he just needs a minute.

 

As predicted a minute or two later Dan’s hands moved to his sides and his eyes snapped open. “Im sorry Phil, I was just confused for a second.”

  
“That’s okay.” Phil whispered. “They’ve released you, we can go whenever.”

  
Dan let out a long even sigh, “Can you do me a favor please?”

  
“Of course! What do you need?” Phil replied.

 

“Could you look up a shelter for me?”

 

“What? Why?” Phil asked confused.

  
“I kinda need a place to stay. I don’t have any of my shit.” Dan’s voice was laced with acid.

 

“No.” Phil blurted out.

 

Silence lingered for a few awkward moments. “Fine, I guess I’ll figured it out myself. You’ve helped me enough as it is.” He sat up slowing wincing.

 

“No, I mean no, you’re not going to a shelter. I’m taking you back to my house Dan. I’m going to help you get back on your feet.”   
“So what, I’m just going to live in your flat until you get sick of me mooching off of you? I’m not doing that Phil. I’m going to a shelter.”

 

Finally they locked eyes. Phil could see the pure determination and seriousness behind his chocolate brown irises.

 

“No.” Phil said again with more confidence, “I have an extra room. I have work you can do for me. I’ll pay you. You’re going to stay with me until you’re healed and can get more gear so you can safely be on your way. I’m not taking no for an answer. You’re badly injured and need help to get back on track. You’re not imposing or taking advantage of me. I want to help you and that’s that.” Phil surprised himself with how his voice came out even, assertive, leaving no room for discussion.

 

Their eyes still locked, Phil once again shifted in his seat, his back screaming at him to get up out of the damn thing.   
  
“Please Dan,” Phil stood and walked over so he was standing in front of the boy, “Come home with me?”

  
Dan flinched and ducked his head, “Fine, but if it doesn’t work out I’m leaving. I’m not going to be a burden on you.”

  
“At least try okay? I just want to see you do well.”

  
“How about this, I’ll try if you make me food. I’m so fucking hungry.” Dan lifted his head and gave a weak smile.

 

Phil smiled back and held out his hand, “Deal. But we also need to have that Mario Kart rematch. I’ve been practicing.”

  
“Just because I may be staying with you, doesn’t mean I’m going to let you win.” Dan’s smile grew as he placed his hand in Phil’s, making his palm sweat a bit making him almost regret offering his hand to Dan. Almost.

 

“I don’t expect you to. I’ll win with my pure talent.”

  
“Sure, Phil, sure.” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dans first week out of the hospital and a trip to Walmart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! So this one was very fun for me to write because I'm kinda writing about me and my S/O but as if we were D&P. They have PTSD and Walmart trips are A FUCKING HOOT. But really this was a big barrier for us when we started seeing each other because of their past life. so some first and second hand experience in this one. As always you can follow me on Tumblr @candanandphilnot love you all <3

The next week was very weird for Dan. It had been years since he lived inside a house. Not his house no, he was just staying there. He was a visitor in a friends home. Although, the more time he spent curled up on the couch watching anime, and eating a hot meal every night, it started feeling more and more like home. Which he hated. This was Phil’s home and he was just a guest. This was not his home. He didn’t have one of those.

Keeping busy while Phil was at work was definitely a challenge. His first day back from the hospital he stayed curled up in the guest bed napping on and off, trying to get comfortable as his leg consumed by the white cast was unbearably itchy, and his head pounded like a drum. It also didn’t help that every time he drifted into unconsciousness he was assaulted by the same people over and over, reliving that night in the ally. Multiple times over the next week, Dan would find himself waking up to Phil hovering over the bed with a concerned look on his face asking if he was okay. He for sure was not okay, but he would apologize for disturbing Phil, and tell him he was. Just a bad dream. No big deal.

But after his day of sort of rest, he would hobble around the flat scrubbing floors, going to the laundry room downstairs, and polish every photo that hung on the walls even if they didn’t need it. And although Dan felt strange eating Phil’s food, he would always have dinner ready for when Phil got home and every evening he would pack a lunch for Phil to take the next day.

Phil would scold him, “Dan! You’re doing too much! You’re still recovering, it's okay to slow down.” but Dan would say, “I know, I just have a lot I want to get done.” So he would deal with the pain in his ribs, and continue to work anyways. At the end of the day, Dan needed to feel that sense of accomplishment.

Friday came around and Dan was sitting on the sofa folding laundry as the scent of baked chicken filled the flat, when Phil came through the door.

“Good afternoon, Dan! How was your day?” Phil asked as he hung up his jacket and keys. His voice was chipper and a smiled played on his face.

“It was okay. Got your laundry done. We are having chicken and potatoes tonight.” Dan replied not telling him how bad his depression was that day. It had been a struggle to get out of bed, but he didn’t want to bother Phil with his problems.

“I have something for you.” Phil said as he walked over and sat on the sofa next to Dan.

“I thought I told you to stop giving me things.” Dan said quietly continuing to fold clothes .

“I know, I know, but you’ve worked really hard this week despite your injuries. My house looks better than it ever has so every week starting today is pay day!” Phil said with way too much enthusiasm as he patted Dan’s thigh.

Dan moved over slightly, the unexpected contact threated to give him an anxiety attack. “That’s quite unnecessary, Phil. Once my leg is out of this damn cast I can go fly a sign for some money.” He didn’t meet Phil’s eyes worried that he would upset him. “You feed me and let me sleep in your bed, I don’t need more.”

Phil was silent for too long, so Dan set down the pair of pants he was folding and turned to meet Phil’s gaze.

Blue eyes bore into Dan’s, wide with anticipation as Phil held out a white envelope.

“You’re not going to let me refuse this are you?” Dan couldn’t help but crack a smile. The boy was just too genuine.

“Not a chance in hell, Dan.”

“Alright then,” Dan said as he took the envelope and opened it up. “No, Phil, holy shit. There’s at least $200 in this!” Dan’s voice rose as he shoved the money back at Phil.

Phil stood throwing his arms up to avoid contact with Dan, and ran to the kitchen, “It’s $300 and it's in your hands now!”

“Phil!” Dan stood and chased Phil to the kitchen, “There’s no way you can afford to give me $300 a week!”

“I can and I will!” before Dan reached the counter Phil skipped by and booked it towards the living room.

Dan stopped in the kitchen, his mouth hanging open like a moron and $300 burning in his hands.

“ _Phil_ , that’s $1200 a month. That’s probably your rent right there! Like, unless you’re doing some underground drug shit that you’re not telling me about, I don’t believe for a _second_ , that you can afford this.”

Phil hesitated for a moment, his eyes looking unsure, before he sputtered, “I have investments.”

“Well that’s very fucking vague.” Dan said still standing in the kitchen, but really not knowing what to do. “You know, I’m sorry, your finances aren’t really any of my business. But I still can’t accept this.”

Phil took a few steps closer, “Well, this money will help you get out of here faster and that’s what you want, right?”

“Umm, yeah I guess so.” Dan replied sounding unconvincing even to himself. That was what he wanted, right? Of course that’s what he wanted.

“Then take the money.” Phil said quietly.

At that moment the timer on the stove started ringing obnoxiously making both Dan and Phil jump.

“Dinner is done.” Dan announced as he turned around and slipped on a pair of red oven mittens leaving the money on the counter.

They ate dinner in silence as Attack on Titan played on the TV screen, Dan was too lazy to read the subtitles. Inside his head, his thoughts whirled around like a hurricane. _$300 a fucking week. I’ll be able to get new gear, a keyboard and Phil will want me out as soon as I’m healed._ That thought sent Dan’s stomach on a roller coaster ride tall enough you could probably see outer space from the highest point. Even though he knew his stay with Phil was temporary, the thought of leaving left a bad taste in his mouth.

“So, umm,” Phil started as he pushed a potato around on his plate with his fork, “Would you like to go out to the shops? We could try to find you a keyboard or maybe get some new clothes.”

Dan glanced up at the boys face. His expression was even enough but Dan could tell Phil was approaching the situation with caution.

The thought of going out shopping on a Friday night didn’t appeal to Dan at all. Too many people, kids everywhere, and having to actually socialize with humans, wasn’t how he wanted to spend his evening, especially when there was a plethora of video games at his disposal, but Phil was trying and Dan was tired of being difficult today. “Yeah, we can do that.”

There was a beat of silence before Phil spoke again, “Im sorry if I upset you, I just want to do nice things for you.”

Dan smiled, “I’ve never had anyone be so kind to me. I guess I just don’t know how to handle it.” And that was true. Dan couldn’t think of a time where someone did something for him _just because._ There was always something people wanted in return. “To be honest, I’m waiting for the catch.”

“Well you’re waiting on something that’s not going to happen. The only reason I asked you to work for me was because I knew you wouldn’t just take the money without feeling like you earned it. I mean my place looks fantastic and I appreciate all the hard work.” Phil added the last part quickly biting his bottom lip.

Dan could have been offended but couldn’t bring himself to be. “Thank you Phil, I don’t think I could repay you for everything.”

“Good thing I’m not expecting you to,” Phil said popping up from the sofa, “Now let’s get these dishes done so we can go shopping.” He grinned as he passed Dan still sitting on the couch making his way to the kitchen.

Dan followed as quickly as he could, meeting Phil already scrubbing his dish in the sink. Without too much force, Dan leaned the side of his body into Phil’s trying to get him away from the water, “You mean, let _me_ get these dishes done,” he hip bumped Phil, grabbing his dish in the process so Dan could finish it for him.

“You’re spoiling me Dan. I’m going to be useless when you leave.”

__

* * *

 

  
“Thank you sir,” Dan said as evenly as he could sliding out of the Uber. He met Phil on the sidewalk in front of Walmart, his stomach in knots.

Already there were too many people for Dan to be anything close to comfortable with the situation. Crowds and Dan didn’t mix well. His senses were on overdrive as people passed him on every side pushing their carts just centimeters away from him.

“Dan?”

Dan snapped out of the cloud of dissociation he was in, “Sorry, what?”

“Ready to go in? It's chilly out here.” Phil said patiently.

“Right,” Dan replied zipping up the blue jacket Phil let him borrow.

Inside the store was like a circus on meth. Dan was ready to leave just as they were greeted by an old man propped on a stool. They started walking (hobbling in Dan’s case. He was over having his leg confined to the cast) to the men’s clothing section having to stop a few times behind slow moving bodies. _God I fucking hate slow people. Don’t stop in the middle of the fucking aisle! Jesus Christ shut that child up_. Dan took little time grabbing shirts and pants off shelves barely looking at the sizes as Phil drifted off to browse. He would make them fit if they didn’t. _Alright three of everything I’m ready. Where the hell did Phil go_.

After ten thousand years of searching, Dan found Phil sifting through a bin of socks. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Phil turned and eyed Dan’s haul, “Already? We just got here! Did you maybe want to pick up some snacks or something?”

“You can, I’m leaving.” Dan said realizing how rude he sounded but couldn’t stop himself, “I don’t care about snacks right now.”

“Oh, okay yeah, that’s fine.” Phil turned towards the checkout and Dan followed being thankful Phil didn’t argue with him.

Once again Dan came to a halt as a teenage girl stopped right in front of him, “Oh my fucking god,” Dan hissed pushing by the girl.

“Are you okay?” Phil asked somehow getting behind Dan in the crowd.

“No, Phil, I’m not. These fuckers don’t know how to be decent human beings.” _God I’m a dick._

They waited in line, Dan taping his foot with zero patients and Phil looking quite uncomfortable. “There’s an open one,” Dan said making haste towards the machine.

“Welcome to Walmart, please scan your first item,” the machine greeted as Dan set down his clothes.

He scanned the first few items with ease, then as he scanned a shirt and placed it in the bag, the machine spoke again, “Please place the item in the bagging area.” Dan took the shirt out and placed it back in the bag. A second passed before the machine once again said, “Please place the item in the bagging area.”

“It’s in the _mother fucking bagging area!_ ” Dan bellowed as he took the shirt a started hitting the screen with the hanger.

“Dan, Dan! Let me do it!” Phil said scrambling to get the shirt out of Dan’s hands.

“I got it!” Dan said with too much aggression.

“Go wait outside. Give me the shirt and your money.” Phil demanded.

“Fine,” Dan let go of the shirt, pulled his money out of his pocket, and dropped it on the machine before turning on his heel towards the exit.

Outside, Dan sat in front of the store, his back against the beige brick wall and his knees pulled tightly up against his chest. He buried his still healing face in his exposed knees thanks to the old holey overalls. _I hate people, I hate crowds, I hate my fucking sad, pitiful life. I need to disappear. I need to leave. New place, new mindset. Oh yeah,_ the pain in his chest reminded him, _I can’t walk more than a mile without doubling over in pain. Fan-fucking-tastic. And now Phil probably hates me. He didn’t deserve that. I’m such a fuck up._

Footsteps made Dan snap his head up, his whole body constricting while his adrenaline spiked higher which he didn’t think was possible. To Dan’s delight it was only Phil approaching him, a concerned look on his face. Laying his face back on his knee he took a few deep breaths.

He felt a pressure on his shoulder as if a butterfly had landed there, “I ordered our Uber, it should be here any second.” Phil said his voice laced with worry. _Great now I feel even worse._

“Im sorry,” Dan whispered.

“That’s quite alright Dan, I’m more worried about you than anything.” _How is someone this understanding?_  
  
Dan took another deep breath and slowly brought himself to his feet. As soon as he stood and looked at Phil’s calm smooth face, a red Toyota Corolla pulled up in front of them.

The ride back to the flat was comfortably quiet, with only the faint sounds of wheels on pavement and Miley Cyrus filling Dan’s ears. They thanked their driver when he stopped in front of the apartments, and made their way to the door, Dan refusing to let Phil carry any of his bags.

Phil unlocked the door and pushed it open, “Go on, I have some more errands to run. I’ll be back shortly. You can lock the door, I'll take my key with me.”

Dan finished climbing the wooden staircase and went through the threshold, “Thank you Phil, I really appreciate everything.”

With a smile, Phil closed the door and Dan locked it behind him.

Once alone, Dan deposited his bags besides the couch and went to his room to lay down. He curled up on his side and hugged his legs. Inside, Dan felt dead. How could he be so rude to Phil? All he wanted was to fall asleep and never wake up. Countless deep breaths later, Dan heard the front door open. Knowing it was Phil, he still stiffened and slowly crept out into the living room, peeking around the wall just to be safe. And not to his surprise, there was Phil, placing grocery bags on the counter, his jacket and keys already hung on their respective hooks.

“Hey,” Dan said stepping up to the opposite side of the counter.

“So, I got you some things. Don’t worry I used your money for part of it! I wasn’t sure about everything else because I wasn’t sure if you’d actually like it but you can have it anyways. Like I know you don’t want to use my stuff but I didn’t want to waste your money on something--"

“What did you get?” Dan interrupted, intrigued.

Phil ran a hand through his hair, huffing out a big breath, “Okay, first, I got this.” He held up a can of coffee and filters, “I have a proper coffee maker, I just never use it, so I thought we could dig that out and you can have your _posh coffee_. Cause I know you’re not fond of my peasant coffee.” Phil chuckled.

For the first time in hours, Dan smiled, “Thank you.”

“Next!” Phil announced opening the another bag, “I remembered sometime earlier in the week, you said something about liking a certain type of ice cream, but I couldn’t remember which kind, so I got this one with peanut butter in it, and this one which is lactose free frozen yoghurt because I’m lactose intolerant, but it has berries in it,” he held up two pints with a film of frost still on the outside.

Smiling even wider Dan replied, “Salted Caramel is my favorite, but I will definitely help you eat those.”

Phil smiled back and set the frozen treats on the counter, “Okay, this next one is literally the best thing ever.” He picked up a small black bag and plucked out a small package wrapped in bubble wrap. Carefully, Phil ripped off the tape and unraveled what seemed to be a bowl. “Look!” Phil exclaimed holding up the pipe, his face bright with glee “Its shaped like a little elephant!”

Dan took the small, clear and red swirled bowl in his hands. The glass was thin and the eyes wonky, but it was the best gift he’d ever gotten, “This is fantastic Phil, it’s so cute!” Dan said failing to contain a laugh, flipping the piece around in his hands, “Now I just need something to put in it.”

“Ah, but I thought of that!” Phil said reaching back into the bag, “I wasn’t sure how much money you were willing to spend on weed, so I just got whatever $40 got me. Which seems like a lot, actually.” He pulled out a container Dan was sure held at least a quarter of an ounce.

Dan was literally speechless. Before he could process what he should do, rather than what he wanted, Dan was around the counter wrapping his arms around Phil’s shoulders.

“I treat you like shit, and you buy me gifts,” Dan said into Phil’s neck that smelled just like the berry soap that sat in the shower.

“I understand, Dan.” Phil said into Dan's hair, “A few nights ago I was reading up on PTSD so I can help you. You were definitely having an episode today, and I should have waited until later to ask you to go out, but I was excited to see you get new things.” His arms tightened around Dan’s middle making him let out a gasp.

“ _Ribs Phil, ribs_!” But Dan still kept his arms locked around Phil.

“Oh my god! I’m sorry!” Phil said loosening his grip so Dan could barely feel it. For the first time in a long time, Dan felt calm. There were arms wrapped around him attached to a person who seemed to actually _care_. Someone who didn’t have expectations and a need to control him. Around Phil he could just exist.

A full minute passed before Dan released his arms, “Sorry, that was probably too long of a hug to be acceptable.” He laughed, heat rising in his cheeks.

The burning sensation in his face matched what Phil’s looked like, as he took a step back and rubbed the back of his neck, “No, that’s fine. Why don’t we unpack everything so we can eat some ice cream and watch something, yeah?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” _Wouldn’t want to spend my night doing anything else actually_.

 

 

  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phils starts to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I hope you enjoy a little bamf!phil in this one. Thank you for coming back, you all who have been reading keep me writing <3 As always you can follow me on Tumblr @candanandphilnot enjoy <3

Payday was here again. This was no ordinary payday either. This was Dan’s fourth and probably last. Phil could make up a lie and tell Dan that something came up and he would have to postpone his last envelope until the next week. Dan would most likely just say that it was fine, Phil had done enough already. But would Phil actually do that? Hell no. He would give Dan his money, and he would be on his merry way.

The past two months had been like a dream. And one that Phil never wanted to wake up from. It wasn’t that Phil wanted to keep Dan around as his maid, although it was nice to not have to cook or clean, it was that Phil had fallen accustomed to Dan’s companionship. Phil couldn’t imagine another day without Dan’s jokes, empathy and his stories.

Countless times in the past months, Dan had told tales of his hardships on the road, from holding signs for money, backstabbing people Dan had once seen as friends, and near death experiences that made Phil want to protect Dan even more. Maybe if he had someone by his side who he trusted, he could have avoided so many of these situations. Maybe if Phil was there for support he’d think of killing himself less. Maybe Dan could see not everyone was Riley. Significant others shouldn’t hit and be problematic over issues that were insignificant. Partners should love and support and take mental health issues seriously.

It was true Dan could be difficult when he got angry over small details he couldn’t control. But Phil knew it was his PTSD and continued to be patient until Dan calmed down and thanked him for being so. Losing things sent Dan into a frenzy as well.

“God damn it!” Dan would yell.

“What are you looking for?” Phil would ask quietly.

“My fucking lighter. I just had it.” Dan replied throwing couch cushions in every direction before reaching into the crevasses of the sofa.

Phil looked around to find the red lighter sitting on counter in plain sight, “Here,” Phil picked up the lighter and walked it over to Dan.

Dan smiled and held out his hand, “Thanks darling,” He said sarcastically.

“You’re welcome sweetie,” Phil replied matching Dan’s smile and sarcasm.

Dan was an glacier on fire. A complete contradiction of himself. The same man who mumbled about killing a rude man on Pearl Street was also the same man who, on the same day, was brought to tears by a Black Lab who had knocked Dan over onto the pavement just so the dog could lick the boys face. The same man who spit profanities at the name of Riley, was also the man who told Phil how much he was appreciate, cared for, and valued as a fellow human being. Dan wasn’t a bad person. He was someone who had been wronged so many times by people who didn’t understand him or who may have just been bad people, and took advantage of a once soft soul.

“Phil!” A voice yelled startling him.

Phil shook his head a bit to bring him back into reality. There he was standing at the stainless steel counter, rolling pin in both hands, and timers going off around him. The smell of fresh bread filled his lungs as he looked around for which timer was screaming the loudest.

“Phil! That timer has been going off for the past two minutes. You’re going to burn the Italian bread!” Fey came around the corner and pressed the button on one of the many oven clocks.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Phil said grabbing a pair of oven mitts off a hook and sliding them on.

“And these muffins are looking pretty brown,” Fey mumbled slipping on a pair of mittens herself.

“Sorry,” Phil said again moving pans of bread to cooling racks.

“You seem distracted today. Trouble in paradise? Did Dan have another blow up?” Fey said from beside him moving muffins pans around.

Phil drew in a deep warm breath, the heat from the open oven wrapping around his body. “No, and Dan doesn’t have _blow ups,_ he has anxiety attacks. Like me, but different.” He closed the now empty oven and hung his mittens back on their hook.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, you just seem off today.” Fey said closing her oven and tucking a piece of bright red hair behind her ear. “And what did you do to that pie crust? Jesus Christ that’s thinner than a Victoria Secret model.”

Phil looked down to see that he did in fact roll the pie crust out way too much. “Today is probably going to be his last payday. He'll probably be gone by the end of the weekend.”

“Oh.” Fey replied weakly.

“Yeah. Oh.” Phil could hear how disheartening his own voice sounded. He didn’t mean to sound like such a sad sop but really he couldn’t help it.

“Why don’t you like, ask him to stay? You know, maybe he could find a real job. I know how much you make, you can’t have paid him that much.” Fey leaned up against the counter mocking Phil’s stance.

“He wouldn’t want to do that, Fey.” Phil pushed off the counter and checked his phone. “Almost noon, wanna go to lunch?”

Fifteen minutes later, Phil and Fey sat outside around the back of the bakery at an old wooden picnic table, the late spring breeze cooling Phil’s body as the bright sun evened out the temperature. Summer was almost upon them and Phil wasn’t looking forward to the muggy heat. But luckily they still had a few more weeks of nice weather. Flowers were blooming and birds were singing and Phil was about ready to lose one of the best people to walk into his life.

“So, d'you want to talk about it?” Fey asked from across the table as she stirred her soup.

Phil looked down at the sandwich in his hands. Dan really knew how to make a lunch meat sandwich taste like something from a nice coffee shop. Turkey with leafy greens and a type of sauce Phil couldn’t put his finger on, but god it tasted good. After his second paycheck, Dan had insisted he buy some groceries. So they went to the store at 9pm on a Monday night, and Dan spent at least half of his paycheck on food he made Phil eat. _How do I say no to free food? Well I guess I technically paid for it, but it’s the thought that counts, right?_

Swallowing another bite of his food, Phil reached into his brown lunch bag to find a pudding cup with a note attached to the top.

_**Have a good day Lester <3** _

Dan took it upon himself to start writing notes in Phil’s lunch box as if he were his mother. _Or boyfriend_.

“Another note I see.” Fey said bringing Phil’s attention back to the present day.

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice,” Phil knew how red his face was and there was no way Fey would miss the smitten look he was sure to be giving the note. He passed it across the table to Fey.

Taking the piece of paper, Fey held it up, and a smile grew across her freckled filled face. “This is so _fucking_ cute.” She threw the note back in his direction.

“He's just being nice because I’m his boss.” _Keep telling yourself that._

“Oh come the fuck on Phil! He drew a little heart! He’s been into you since day one and he’s just digging a deeper hole.” Fey spouted raising her eyebrows and holding her hands out.

“It’s not like that Fey. Like I said, he’ll be gone by Monday.” Phil said turning his attention back to his food.

“Don’t be dense. Seriously Phil. What are you scared of? His outbursts? Not being able to pay him?”

“Well,” Phil said, his throat going dry. He picked up his water bottle and took a swig, “I can pay him, he’s just really independent.”

“What are you paying him anyways? Like fifty bucks a week or something?” Fey asked nonchalantly.

_Just tell her. Take Dan’s advice and just lay it all out? What’s the worst that could happen? She could hate me. Fuck._

“Umm, well, $300 a week.” Phil said trying to be cool about it.

“Holy shit Phil!” Fey sputtered making Phil internally flinch, “No wonder you think he’s going to leave. He’s probably got at least a grand in his pocket. How are you managing that?” She didn’t sound mad, just curious which made Phil relax a little.

“I, ugh, have an inheritance.” Phil replied.

“Ah, so that’s why you always offer to pay when we go out! Why didn’t you tell me you had an inheritance?”

Phil felt small as he said, “I just didn’t want you to think differently of me. I kinda hate that I was born with money.”

Fey didn’t say anything for a few minutes so Phil glanced up to catch her staring at him, “What?” he asked.

“Phil Lester, you work over forty hours a week, you live in a small two bedroom apartment with the most mundane furnishings, and with literally nothing more than what you need, besides a few knickknacks here and there. You are the most normal rich person I’ve ever met. You’re companionate and loving and all around an awesome guy. I wouldn’t think less if you just because you have more money than me.” Fey finished, her face open and soft with understanding.

“Thank you Fey, that means a lot.” Phil said ducking his head again, taking deep breaths to stunt his anxiety that still rushed through his veins and into his heart.

“So how much?” Fey asked after a minute.

“How much what?” Phil replied returning to his food.

“How much are you worth?”

“Fey!” Phil said looking back up at her, “That’s so rude!”

She laughed and threw a grape in his direction, “I don’t fucking care, you’re my best friend, I want to know!”

“Why do you need to know?”

“For bragging rights,” she giggled.

This time Phil laughed with her and said, “I don’t know, around two hundred.”

“Thousand?”

“Million,” Phil said stifling another laugh.

“Holy fuck! I expect a nice ass Christmas gift this year!” Fey yelled mouth wide in utter shock.

“Bitch, I gave you diamond earrings last year!” Phil shot back.

“Those were real diamonds!? Fuck, I haven’t been able to find those for months!”

* * *

 

 

“Oh honey, I’m home.” Phil said pushing the door to his flat open, the smell of some fruity candle hitting his nostrils.

“Welcome back!” Dan’s voice came from somewhere inside.

“Where are you?” Phil half yelled as he hung up his belongings.

“Your room!” Dan’s voice came again.

After sliding off his shoes, Phil walked back the hall into his room to see Dan standing on a bar stool from the kitchen, twisting a light bulb into the socket in the ceiling.

“Dan! Get down from there!” Phil scolded as he rushed over to hold the stool steady, “You just got that cast off! You don’t need another one!”

“Oh piss off, I’m fine.” Dan mumbled, “Actually, hand me the light cover so I can screw it back on,” he pointed to the bed behind him wobbling slightly.

Phil hesitated as he realized how close he was to the lower half of Dan’s body. This wasn’t the first time since Dan had starting living with him that Phil caught himself too close to think. But no matter how badly Phil wanted to act on his feelings, he always remembered that he was Dan’s boss, and that was inappropriate. He couldn’t simultaneously pay Dan for work and try to advance their friendship without feeling some type of way. Would Dan feel obligated to accept Phil’s advances because of his paycheck? Or worse, would Dan reject Phil and leave because his advances made Dan uncomfortable? As long as Phil was paying Dan, Phil knew it couldn’t go any further.

“Earth to Phil?” Dan said tapping the top if Phil’s head with a closed fist, “Stop admiring my ass and get the light cover,” Dan laughed.

Phil scoffed, “I was _not_ admiring your ass. I was just, you know, zoning out,” He turned to grab the glass cover, screws and a tiny screw driver rolling around inside as Phil lifted it.

“Of course you weren’t.” Dan replied softly, taking the cover out of Phil’s hands, a smile stretched on his face.

Flames ignited in Phil’s cheeks. He couldn’t tell if Dan was being coy on the account that he shared Phil’s feelings or if he just didn’t mind the fact that Phil was infatuated. Either way, Dan’s reactions always left him feeling even more confused.

The evening continued in its normal fashion, Dan finished dinner and they sat in front of the TV scarfing down whatever concoction Dan whipped up. That evening it so happened to be one of Phil’s favorites, homemade pizza. Dan really knew what he was doing in the kitchen.

“So,” Dan started, his mouth half full of food, “I’ve been here for two months now.”

Phil waited but Dan didn’t continue, “And?”

“And, I don’t know much about you,” Dan said placing his pizza down on his plate and adjusting his body so he was facing Phil on the sofa.

“Well, umm,” Phil took a bite if his pizza and looked away from Dan’s wondering gaze, “What'd you wanna know,” He mumbled, mouth full of cheese and dough.

“Why are you here?” Dan asked, Phil still looking around the room as if Dan wasn’t there.

“No one knows why they’re here, Dan,” Phil replied. _Yeah, just stall until he stops asking_.

Dan laughed, “I meant here in Colorado you dingus. Don’t get me started on the meaning of life and send me into an existential crisis.”

 _Why do we have to be talking about me?_ “I don’t know, I like it here. I have a nice job. Fey keeps me around too.”

“So, one day you were just hanging out in the north and thought, _I’m going to move to Boulder Colorado. Yeah that would be ace_.” Dan said in a horrible northern accent.

“Well no,” Phil said feeling too uneasy to make fun of Dans horrible impression, “I wanted to travel the U.S. and I was told to come here as a starting point by my brother, and I just haven’t left yet.”

“Did you travel a lot before coming out here?” Dan asked. Phil noticed out of the corner of his eye, Dan had set his plate on the coffee table, propped his elbows on his knees, and held his face in his hands, his full attention on Phil.

Questions about himself always made Phil feel as though he was in an uncomfortable job interview. _What’s your best trait? Describe a time you were prideful. How would your friends and coworkers describe you?_ He didn’t care enough about himself to have much of anything to say. No one really wanted to hear about Phil’s life story. _Maybe Dan does_. Dan definitely didn’t.

A sigh escaped Phil’s lips and he could feel his skin crawl, “Does it matter?” Phil mumbled standing up to make his way to the kitchen.

Without much thought, Phil dumped his uneaten pizza back onto the baking rack sitting on the oven, and washed his plate, not daring to look in Dan’s direction.

_Am I being too difficult? Does he actually want to know me or is he just being polite? He probably just wants his paycheck. But if he’s leaving then why is he asking me these questions? He doesn’t care. But he might. But probably not. But he could. But. But. BUT. SHUT UP!_

  
“Phil! Hey, breathe okay? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.” Dan said closer now, as Phil came out of a fog he didn’t realize he was in. Thoughts swirled, his breathing uneven enough to almost be hyperventilating, and he had difficulty keeping his vision focused on the sink of water in front of him.

“Hey,” Phil heard Dan say again as a pair of hands cupped his face making him flinch and swat at them.

“Sorry! Shoulders?” the hands came down on Phil's shoulders, feeling less invaded, Phil let them there. Slowly the hands applied pressure making Phil’s body turn so that his vision was filled with a beautiful boy whose face was showing an immense amount of concern.

“How can I help?” Dan asked, his hands tensing slightly.

“I don’t know,” Phil said finding it hard to breath out.

“Please take a deep breath out.” Dan said, his eyes intent on Phil’s.

“I-I can’t,”

“Try.” Dan said.

Thick air filled Phil’s lungs, and he forced it out.

“Good, try a little longer this time,” Dan gave a weak smile.

After a few minutes, Phil’s breathing finally was back to normal, but his chest ached and his energy was sapped. He slumped his shoulders, and looked down at his mismatched socks, “I’m sorry Dan.”

“No, no, no don’t be sorry it’s okay,” Dan said quickly.

“It’s not, I’m sorry,” Phil continued, feeling his eyes well up.

“No, no, please,” Dan wined pulling Phil into his chest, “Don’t apologize.”

“Im sorry,” Phil whispered again into Dan’s black t-shirt as a few tears spilled over his lids. Dan’s arms were warm around Phil’s shoulders, making his chest swell with emotion. _I want this so badly._

Minutes ticked away before Dan finally loosened his hold so he could look at Phil, “Will you smoke a joint with me?”

Words were lost for Phil, as he just stared at Dan.

Releasing his grip, Dan brought his hands to Phil’s face and gently swiped his thumbs over Phil’s damp cheeks, “It might help you feel better. I’ll understand if you don’t want to.”

 _God he looks so stunning. What if I freak out? It could just make me paranoid. My chest hurts so much. Just do it. Say yes_.

“Im going to go outside and light one. You’re more than welcome to join me, smoking or not. Okay?” Dan spoke in a delicate manner, his face showing no signs of negative energy.

“Okay,” Phil managed to croak.

The boys made their way outside, shrugging on jackets before stepping outside onto the porch. Normally when Phil accompanied Dan outside, Phil would take a seat on the bench while Dan leaned up against the banister, this time, Dan took a seat on the bench, looked up at Phil and patted the seat next to him.

Looking down at the boy, Phil noticed how different the view looked compared to a couple weeks prior. That day Dan was dressed in a clean black shirt, pants, and his hair was shiny, recently washed, and his body lacked any trace of dirt. But the biggest difference was the light behind the travelers eyes. Months ago when they first encountered, Dan’s eyes were downcast and cynical, but now Phil could see life, and joy, and hope that the boy could enjoy the life he led. _Maybe that’s why you should just tell him. Fucking tell him everything. Who cares what he thinks? Because most likely he won’t give a shit._

Phil sat down, his leg tight up against Dan’s. Like so many other nights, Dan set a joint between his smooth lips, and lit the other end. The cherry burned hot before dulling as Dan ceased his rip. Then the joint was in front of Phil, an offering he could very easily resist, but inside he made a conscious decision to try new things. Before he could think too much about it, Phil took the joint, holding it awkwardly between his thumb and pointer finger.

“When you take a hit, I want you to just breathe in like you normally would. It may burn, and you’ll probably cough, but that’s normal.” Dan said, the late evening orange light illuminating his face.

“Well, here goes nothing,” Phil said more to himself than anything. He placed the joint between his lips, and breathed. Smoke burned down Phil’s throat and into his lungs. A second later, he was doubled over, hacking so loud, he didn’t even notice Dan had left until he lifted his head up from between his legs and seen him return with a glass of water. Never in his life had he ever felt anything like it.

“Stand up, come on,” Dan said grabbing the hold of Phil’s shirt and pulling him to his feet, “Take a drink and hold your arms up above your head.”

Phil could barely hear what Dan had said over the sound of his own coughing. He snatched the water out of Dan’s hands, but his body refused to quit coughing, his throat screaming in pain.

“Arms up!” Dan said pushing Phil’s arms up into the air.

After what felt like an hour, Phil was finally able to take a few sips of water, and his hacking quit.

“Hey, you,”

 _Was that Dan? When did I sit back down?_ There was a joint, half the size of the one earlier dangling in Phil’s face.

“The next one won’t be so bad I promise.” Phil glanced over to see Dan smiling at him, the glass of water somehow making it back to him. _I thought I was holding that?_

“Well what’s the worst that could happen,” Phil said, sounding very far away from himself. He repeated how he hit it earlier, and Dan was right, this time the smoke felt less like fire, and more like a warm hug.

“How do you feel?” Dan asked as Phil blew out the smoke, watching it mesmerized, and it rose and disappeared into the sky above him.

“Umm,” _How do I feel? I feel…huh. Okay._ Phil lost track of his thoughts turning to look at Dan, “You’re pretty,” Phil said meeting Dan’s warm chocolate eyes. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud ,” Phil laughed, holding his hand up to his mouth. Every syllable that left Phil’s mouth was instantly lost. To him it was as if he was making strange sounds, nothing really making sense.

Time lapsed in an odd fashion, like Phil was watching a badly edited YouTube video that had no rhyme or reason. One second he was looking in the fridge, the next he was on the couch, legs draped across Dan’s lap, and a half empty pint of Half Baked sitting on his.

“Are you feeling any better now?” Dan asked fondly, his hand laid lightly on Phil’s knee, the other holding a spoon covered in chocolate.

Finally Phil could understand the words flowing into his ears, “Im floaty,” He responded still sounding far away.

“Are you anxious?”

Phil took a mental count, “No, a little sleepy, and very forgetful. It’s kinda hard to keep track of all these words.”

“Would you like to talk about what sent you into a panic earlier?” Dan asked, his face falling a bit. _No, I don’t want Dan to be sad. He’s so much prettier when he’s smiling_.

“Well, here’s the thing Dan. Hold on, I’m going to be you for a second,” Phil sat up a bit, trying to make sure he was able to do his best impression.

“Alright then,” Dan giggled.

“ _I’ll just lay it all out, and then I can tell if you’re good_ or something, honestly I don’t remember how you said the thing, that I’m trying to say. But anyways, I’m going to tell you some real shit, and I’m fully expecting you to hate me.” Phil said, surprised at the lack of anxiety in his body. “So, you know Tesco right?”

“Of course I know what Tesco is Phil,” Dan scoffed.

“Well, my granddad founded that, and my dad-"

“Your fucking granddad founded Tesco?” Dan screeched, his eyes going wide.

“Don’t be rude Dan! I’m trying to get it all out!” Phil chastised, “Anyway, yeah my granddad founded Tesco, and my Mum and Dad are partners of DLA Piper. So like, I’ve always had money. Growing up I had nannies, and chefs, and private tutors. I’ve never lived a life that’s anything like yours, and to be honest, I panicked because I literally have three friends. You, Fey, and Frank and I don’t want you guys to hate me because I’m some kind of rich asshole. I’ve never had close friends and I don’t want to lose you.” Phil finished, his throat closing in on itself.

Dan was silent for a moment, “What about when you were a kid? I’m sure you had school friends.”

Phil laughed, “Dan, I was home schooled my whole life. The only friend I’ve ever had was my brother, Martyn. He’s married now to his best friend Cornelia.” He became more somber as the heat from Dan’s legs burned into the back of Phils knees, “There was a little boy, a kid of one of my parents friends, he would come over for these…play date things when I was around eight. This kid would act so sweet and kind, it was _disgustingly_ over the top,” Phil shuttered just thinking of him, “This kid, Leonard, as soon as our parents backs were turned he would say the meanest, rudest things to me. I was weird, a loser.”

“So what happened then? Did you tell your parents?” Dan asked after Phil became quiet.

Phil sighed, “No, they didn’t believe me. My parents thought for years this kid was my friend. When we were young, it was just the name calling you know? But the older we became, the worse he got. A bruise from his baseball bat was me tripping, a few missing teeth, wrecked my bike. My broken leg, I ‘fell' out of a tree.” Phil’s voice wouldn’t stop, with every word, his shoulders became lighter and lighter until he once again felt like he was floating. It was there for Dan to take as he would. Phil knew he sounded exactly what he was: I whiney rich guy who had an inconvenienced childhood.

“Phil, that’s awful.” Dan said, tightening his grip on Phil’s knee.

“It’s nothing, really, just some rich dude complaining-"

“No, Phil, you are a person confessing trauma that you’ve encountered. That’s really fucked up and I’m really sorry that happened to you.”

“So, wait,” Phil said confused, “You’re not like, mad?”

“About what?” Dan asked, seeming confused himself.

“You’re not mad that I’m rich? I just thought everyone hated rich people besides other rich people.” There hadn’t ever been a person he met, besides now Fey, that knew he was rich and didn’t side eye him every chance they got. No one wanted to spend time with those greedy people.

This time Dan laughed, “Phil, I don’t give a flying fuck how much money you have. You’re the best person I’ve ever met. If I could spend every day with you, I’d be a happy man. But I can’t take your money forever.”

Phil’s stomach dropped at that. _This is not a conversation I’m ready to have. Please wait, at least until tomorrow. Distract him._ “Then why don’t we do our favorite past time, me kicking your ass at Mario Kart?” He tried to smile, hoping it passed.

Dan cocked his head to the side, his lips somewhere between a smile and frown. Eventually his lips turned up, “Anything for you Phil.” 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Enjoy this little fluffy chapter. Writing this story bring back so many memories of the beginning of my S/O and I's relationship, it makes me so happy. As always you can follow me on Tumblr @candanandphilnot Comments and CC are appreciated <3
> 
> Also I've added the traveler lingo I use in the Notes of Chapter One. I'll end up putting them in the notes to every chapter but until then check out Chapter One notes!

Dan woke with a warm weight on his chest. Usually when something was off as he was waking, his mind would go into over drive, making him bolt out of bed, but the warmth seemed nonthreatening. If anything, the pressure was welcoming, like when he would wake to his family dog Collen curled up on him, making cute puppy snores. The snores he heard now, his eyes still closed, were not coming from a dog, but a human.

Slowly Dan opened his eyes and blinked a few times. Still dressed in their clothing from the previous day, Dan found himself laying on the couch, Phil laying half on the outside of the couch, half on top of Dan, his cheek smooshed into Dan’s black shirt and a slight stream of drool running out of his mouth. Dan knew he should have been grossed out by the way Phil's drool puddled onto his shirt and soaked through so his breast bone was a little damp, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything but happiness.

The only time he could think of that he felt anything similar to the sensation that was in his chest at that moment, was the first night he had fallen asleep next to Riley. Their relationship at first had been exciting and new, so when Dan had her head laying on his chest, he felt happy. But looking back, he knew it wasn’t love he had felt for her, it was infatuation which at the young age of 15, could easily be mistaken for what he felt with Phil. Instead of the fast blood flow and butterflies Dan once felt, he now was calm, his whole body in a constant state of meditation with Phil still sleeping like a baby on top of him.

In the past weeks, Dan _never_ imagined he would become comfortable occupying Phil’s flat. After he was assaulted, loosing all his possessions besides the bibs slung over his shoulders, Dan was ready to run. But somehow Phil had managed to get him to stay. And god, was Dan so happy he stayed. The only issue that poked Dan in the back now, was he didn’t really want to leave. Not at all actually. There were so many things he wanted but in his mind, Dan knew he couldn’t have it all. He wanted to stay but he couldn’t get a job to contribute to the household unless he found some amazing under the table offer. And he also wanted Phil, but didn’t dare put him in the position of literally being a sugar daddy. Although that thought made Dan laugh. _Phil as my sugar daddy. Oh my god._

_You could ask him to come on the road with you._ But would Phil leave everything behind to play homeless with Dan? Phil was such a humble man already, but Dan wanted to show him another way of life, his way of life. He wanted to watch Phil stand on a trashy off ramp to some random interstate holding a sign, or watch him struggle to start a fire in the middle of a forest. Perhaps Phil wouldn’t be the same person without a bank account and a roof over his head. Dan wanted to challenge Phil.

“Mmm,” Phil murmured as he stirred against Dan’s body, his eyes fluttering. Slowly, Phil’s eyes opened as he lifted his head slightly, the stream of drool stretching and snapping against Phil’s lips.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Dan all but whispered smiling down at the disoriented boy.

Phil’s eyes moved up to Dan’s and blinked a few times before he grunted and buried his face back into Dan’s chest.

“You don’t have to wake if you don’t want to,” Dan laughed, his body shaking slightly, disturbing Phil.

“Im smmrr flll leepn ew.” Phil said his voice muffled.

“I can’t hear you,” Dan said still laughing a bit.

Phil turned his head around so he was facing Dan, “Im sorry I fell asleep on you,” He repeated, words slurring.

With only a few inches separating their faces, Dan noticed for the first time, Phil’s eyes weren’t blue, but a whole masterpiece of yellows fading from his small pupils to greens and turquoise that were surrounded by the blue Dan had grown accustomed to. “Do you see me complaining?” Dan asked moving his arm from between his body and the couch to wrap around Phil’s waist.

A smile crept onto Phil’s face, “Im your boss Dan, this probably shouldn’t be a thing.”

“I quit,” Dan eagerly replied.

“But I don’t remember how to cook or clean anymore.” Phil giggled.

“Then as your flatmate, I'll teach you.”

The smile that Phil barred slowly faded to a frown as he dropped his chin back onto Dan’s chest.

  
“What’s wrong?” Dan asked feeling his own smile disappear.

“You're leaving me soon.” Phil said in a definitive tone. He wasn’t asking _if_ Dan was leaving, he just _assumed_.

“I don’t have to.” Dan replied apparently deciding to stop caring so much about the voice in the back of his head. _If It’s not going to work, then so be it, but I don’t want Phil to be another ‘what if'._  It was true, Dan did want to leave. There was an itch in his brain to pick up and go, that was the life he was use to. He enjoyed living a simple life, but there was that overcast of loneliness that he would take with him on the road, and that was baggage he didn’t want. _Maybe if I just stay a little longer, I can convince Phil to come with me_ , “I don’t think I’m ready to go yet.” Dan admitted.

Phil’s smile slowly returned, “You can stay for as long as you want, you know this.”

Dan thought out loud, “You’ve given me the opportunity to save money, I have plenty in my pocket. And not to mention, I’ve been making almost $200 a week down on Pearl Street with the keyboard I bought last month. I can just keep busking and you don’t have to pay me anymore. Trim season won’t start for another few months so maybe I can head out once that picks up.” Dan continued as he absentmindedly drew circles with his pointer finger onto Phil’s back, staring at the ceiling.

“So trim season, like, there is a season for growing pot? I remember you saying it was easy to find off the grid weed trimming jobs.” Phil said shifting a bit before rolling off of Dan and inelegantly standing.

Dan pushed out his bottom lip and held his arms open still laying on the couch, “Why'd you move, I’m cold now.”

A giggle escaped Phil’s lips as he reached down to smack Dan’s knee, “Get up you lazy bum, it’s got to be almost mid day, and I need coffee.” Phil said turning on his heel towards the kitchen. Dan observed Phil’s walk, his ruffled shirt coming up over the hem of his wrinkles jeans. It was a wonder Dan had held off on pursuing a relationship with Phil for so long. The voice in the back of Dan’s mind wanting him to stay away had slowly started fading after the first week of staying with the boy. But even after all the kindness and empathy Phil displayed, the voice was still there, and Dan feared it would never go away. He was in a constant back and fourth with himself about it. _I could just go for it. But when does it start going downhill?_

Shaking off his intrusive thoughts, Dan pulled himself up and followed Phil into the kitchen. Without much thought, Dan stole the coffee grounds and filter out of Phil’s hands and continued making their drink. “But what you were asking about, yes there is a specific season for growing cannabis. It varies from place to place with the different climates and what not, but generally the season starts around the end of Summer and wraps up before Thanksgiving. One year, I made almost ten grand, so my one ex and I spent a month in Hawaii.” Dan finished as he pressed the start button on the coffee machine.

“Ten grand?” Phil asked with disbelief.

Dan leaned against the counter next to Phil with his wide eyes and unconvinced grin, “Yes, Phil. Normally growers pay piece work, which means the more you trim, the more they pay.”

Slowly Phil shook his head, “So like, what’s the pay then? I don’t really understand what you mean.”

Of course he doesn’t understand. Dan pushed off the counter and headed back to the guest room. In the room, Dan fell onto the bed knees first, and scooted to the other side where his new, too clean pack sat between the bed and wall. Inside one of the many front pockets-Dan loved having pockets-he brought out a thin black case the size of a book, with a mat black zipper. Dan sat as Phil entered the room behind him.

“Sit,” Dan motioned to the empty space besided him without turning around.

A second later Dan felt the bed dip and Phil crawled up next to him sitting down with his legs crossed matching Dan’s position.

With a swift motion, Dan unzipped the velvet case. It was a pretty good buy, Dan thought, a small case with little compartments and sleeves so he could keep his cannabis utensils organized. Under the biggest pocket, Dan slid out a small pop-top bottle he had become all too familiar with.

“You see,” Dan opened the container and dumped a bud onto his open hand, “This is a bud. Imagine a bush in the ground, like a small tree, and at the end of each branch these grow. Well on the plant, this is surrounded by leaves and its not as good to smoke, so growers hire street kids like myself to take scissors and cut that all off. It’s quite a process really, you have the prep, the actual grow, then the harvest that has steps within that step.”

All awhile Phil smiled and nodded, listening to every word that came out of Dan's mouth. “I didn’t know the weed business was so convoluted.”

“Oh god, Phil, you don’t even understand. I’m hoping this season I can get enough money to take care of my whole no I.D. thing so I can get my own piece of land and grow myself.” Dan said feeling quite silly. _Me, Daniel Howell, do something with my life? Yeah, okay._

“You need an investor,” Phil said quietly, with mirth.

Slightly shocked Dan replied, “You interested. In growing weed. With me? _My innocent angel,_ ” trying to keep a straight face Dan cocked his head to the side and placed his hand over his heart.

“Actually shut up,” Phil said pushing Dan over making him lose his composure, “Im not innocent! I curse, I smoked weed with you last night! Which was so crazy by the way.”

Still shaking with laughter Dan said, “I really want to see you be a street kid. Honestly, I think you could do it, but you’d definitely have a break down a month or so in.”

“I could totally do it! I don’t know about hitchhiking, but I could do everything else!” Phil continued his voice an octave higher than usual, “After school I went literally everywhere in Europe. I’ve been too Italy, Greece, Denmark,” with every country Phil counted on his fingers, “Germany, Hungary-"

“Okay, okay I get it!” Dan interrupted slapping Phil’s hands, “Well maybe, you should start travelling again.”

Just ask him already! He wants to go!

Phil side eyed Dan, “What are you saying?”

With as much courage as Dan could muster, he reached out and laced their fingers together, “Phil, come on the road with me?” 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things and stuff and stuff and things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I think so far this chapter is my best. I've been reading up on how to improve my writing so hopefully its better? Idk follow me on Tumblr @candanandphilnot. Thank you for reading <3<3

“Phil, come on the road with me?”

“Yes!” Phil tightened his grip on Dan’s hand, “I mean, eventually, not like, right this second ‘cause I can’t just break my lease and I have so many belongings. I’ll need my own pack won’t I? Oh god I’m so out of shape how am I suppose to carry-"

“Phil! Calm down!” Dan laughed shaking their conjoined hands, “We aren’t leaving tomorrow, or next week, maybe not even next month. I’ll stay here until you’re ready to go.” Dan finished his eyes avoiding Phil’s.

“I want to go! I think it would do me some good to, you know, gain some life experiences.” Phil replied not really knowing how to expand on that thought. What kind of life experiences was he exactly talking about?

“I think you’ll really like my way of traveling,” Dan smiled turning to face Phil again, “It's not going to be a walk in the park, y'know?”

“But that’s what I want, Dan! I’ve traveled to so many places, and I feel like I haven’t done much of anything. I use to edit videos in my spare time for this guy on YouTube. This guy travels from place to place with nothing but the pack on his back to these exotic places, and it looks so...real? It’s like, I was editing a video of his journey to this remote place in India, where he was living in this shack, and I was sitting in a hotel room in Paris.” Phil laughed at himself in a small hysteria, “I was in goddam Paris sitting on my computer watching this other guy actually living. I feel like I’m not experiencing the real world.” He huffed out the last bit, exhausted.

“Well, we can go whenever you want, Phil, but I think our coffee is done and that needs to happen before anything,” Dan said letting go of Phil’s hand and crawled off the other side of the bed.

_I guess I have a lot to do then, don’t I?_

* * *

 

  
“Stop sign. Phil, there’s a stop sign. PHIL STOP!” Fey screeched.

Phil looked back to the road and slammed his foot on the break making both him and Fey lurch forward, their seat belts digging into their chests.

“Sorry!” Phil squeaked gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckled were turning white.

“Look,” Fey adjusted her seat belt, “I know you get distracted easily, but you're driving _my_ car, and I don’t want to _die_ today.”  
Phil took a deep breath, looked both ways down the intersection, the proceeded to drive, punching the gas slightly too much making them lurch again, “Sorry! God, I forgot how bad I am at driving.”

The evening after Phil agreed to travel with Dan, he looked up the Colorado driving manual and started studying. Memorizing the book and passing the permit test was easy, but actually driving? Yeah, that was a different story.

“It’s okay,” Fey huffed as she leaned over to inspect the speedometer, “You’ll get better, we just need to practice some more. Maybe a lot more, but I have faith in you.”

“Thank you,” Phil turned on his turn signal, “I just really need to get better at this. There is no way I’m hitchhiking and Dan doesn’t have an ID so I need to be a pro at this. And soon.”

Slowly, Phil turned into the Whole Foods parking lot (running over the curb in the process) and searched for an empty space far away from other cars. As carefully as he could, Phil pulled between two white lines.

“At least your parking is good.” Fey mumbled as they came to a stop.

Phil moved the gearshift into park and relaxed. “God, this is stressful.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Fey unbuckled herself and sighed, “Are you sure about all this?” her voice wavering.

“What do you mean? I can get better at driving, I just need practice. Which I do appreciate you letting me drive your car and helping me.” Phil shut off the vehicle and removed the key from the ignition.

“No, I mean, like,” Fey struggled, her face scrunching, “Leaving with Dan. You barely know him and I know you like it here.”

Phil could barely believe what she was saying, “You were all about Dan up until now. You were the one saying how into me he was. Now you don’t want me to travel with him?”

“Yeah, I do like Dan, but like, you’re giving up your apartment, selling all your belongings and just, what happens if he turns out to be not such a great guy? I’m just worried about you, Phil. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

 _Does she take me for an idiot?_ “Thank you for caring about me, but I think I know Dan a little better than you think I do.” Phil said tightly. So badly he wanted to tell her everything he knew about Dan just to prove her wrong, but Phil couldn’t just tell Dan’s secrets and stories with other people.

Phil glanced over to look at Fey. “I hope so,” she said with a small smile, her voice catching, “I’m really going to miss you when you’re gone.”

Tears threatened to well up in Phil’s eyes but he blinked the feeling away, “I’ll be back to see you, don’t worry.”

“All I do is worry about you, you little shit.” Fey spat her tone becoming playful, “You could trip over a flat floor.”

Phil laughed, “And yet here I am behind the wheel of your car.”

“You’re lucky I love you, Lester.”

* * *

 

  
“Umm, two tall caramel macchiatos to go, please,” Phil pulled some bills out of his galaxy pattern wallet. Coffee was a must after the long day Phil had. Not only did he have to skip his lunch at work due to the overwhelming amount of customers, Phil lost track of time while he and Fey had gone out driving. At that point, all Phil wanted was to get home to Dan, and eat whatever delicious meal Dan was sure to be making.

Phil paid for his coffees and walked over to the side of the counter to wait, the two wine bottles in the plastic bag hanging off his arm clanking together. The smell of Starbucks was a comfort for Phil; the scent of sugar, pastries, and coffee warming Phil’s being. And although the heat outside could now be considered summer type weather, Phil couldn’t pass up a hot drink to calm the nerves that still swirled in his stomach from being behind the wheel of Fey’s car.

_Ding ding._

Phil pulled his phone from his sweatshirt pocket, taking a second to admire his lock screen. Dan had taken it upon himself to steal Phil’s phone so he could take a picture of them standing in the parking lot of a grocery store, the sun setting making the sky glow orange and pink in the background. _We look so cute together._

**7:45pm**  
**Unknown: hey cutie ;)**

With a dumbfound look, Phil was sure covered his face, he stared at the text.

**7:47pm**  
**Phil: Sorry think you have the wrong number.**

_Ding ding._

**7:47pm**  
**Unknown: no I have the right number mr lester. you are super cute with your black quiff and ginger roots. you are especially cute when you wear your glasses. i prefer those actually.**

_Who the frick is this and how did they get my number._ Phil couldn’t tell what area code the phone number contained.

  
**7:50pm**  
**Phil: Okay, that is creepy as hell. Who is this?**

A minute passed before Phil’s phone dinged again, a notification popped up indicating he received a picture message. Slightly scared, Phil taped the notification with his index finger. The messenger app opened reveling a picture of Dan standing in the bathroom at home, his curly hair wild and a big cheeky smile plastered on his face.

Phil laughed out loud, saving the picture to his phone.

**7:54pm**  
**Phil: Rude boy! You had me scared I had some kind of stalker that wanted to kill me for my glasses lol. I see you had a productive day.**

**7:55pm**  
**Dan: now I can bug you all the time even when you are not home >:)**

_Home? Dan called my flat home._

“Phil?” A barista called from the counter. Phil pocketed his phone and walked up to the counter and retrieved their drinks. Carefully, Phil set the drinks down on a nearby table and pulled his phone back out.

**7:57pm**  
**Phil: I hope you like caramel macchiato because Ill be home in about ten minutes with two.**

Before he pressed send, Phil looked over the text. _Home_. Dan had never called his flat home, it was always the house or the flat. But now, for some reason, he felt comfortable enough to call Phil’s place home. After a minute Phil realized how ridiculous he looked holding his phone two inches away from his nose, while he stared at it with a smitten smile. He threw his phone back into his pocket and headed for home.

A few minutes later, Phil ascended his steps, and walked in the front door, “Im home!” he called passing through the threshold, smelling the candle of the day, which seemed to be cookies of some kind.

“Welcome home!” Dan said from in front of the stove.

“You scared the shit out of me, you know that?” Phil mused setting down the bottles of wine and coffee before kicking off his worn out black vans.

Dan let out a laugh as he chopped a carrot, “I had to fuck with you. You’re too easy.”

“Look what I got us!” Phil said resisting the urge to comment on how he definitely was _not_ easy. He took the two bottles out of the bag, “I got a dry wine and a sweet wine because I wasn’t sure which one you preferred.” Phil held up the alcohol with a big cheesy smile on his face.

For a moment Dan hesitated, knife hovering over the vegetables, as he looked between the bottles and Phil, “Oh, um, I’m sorry Phil, I don’t drink.”

“Oh.” Phil’s smile disappeared as he lowered the bottles to the counter.

“I’m sorry,” Dan said turning towards Phil, “Recovering alcoholic. I use to drink a whole bottle of liquor a day.”

“That’s fine! I mean I’m sorry I didn’t know. Fey can have these, she loves wine!” Phil returned the wine to the plastic bag.

“You can drink them Phil, I just won’t drink them with you.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make you relapse or something,” The last thing he wanted was to ruin Dan’s sobriety.

Dan continued cutting the carrot, “Of course, just because I don’t drink doesn’t mean you can’t. I don’t control your life.”

“I didn’t think you would try, I just want to be respectful.” Phil took the wine out again and placed the bottles in the fridge.

“You’re not even ready for this,” Dan gushed, “This meal is one that I make on the road a lot because it doesn’t use too many ingredients and its super simple.”

Phil leaned on the fridge beside Dan, “Alright then, tell me.”

“It’s basically just chicken and a bunch of veggies, but I’ll wrap it in aluminum and pop that bad boy in the oven, its fantastic. You're going to love it.”

“Oh yeah?”

Dan looked over at Phil and raised his eyebrows and a smirk playing on his lips,“Yeah. And I also love caramel, so thank you for the coffee.”

The evening proceeded in normal fashion. They ate yummy food and chugged their coffee to the sounds of Japanese characters on a random anime. Later on, Phil watched Dan play Zelda on the Nintendo while he downed his wine, every sip making his mind grow more and more loose.

“ _Fuck_! I hate this god damn, stupid fucking boss I swear to fucking Jesus on a bicycle!” Dan smashed his fists into the couch cushion between them.

Phil set his empty wine glass on the coffee table and laughed, “Well it doesn’t help that you’re on hero mode and have one potion.” _What number drink was that again?_

Dan turned and pointed the Wii U remote at Phil, “Listen here, I’ve beaten Wind Waker _at least_ twelve times. I should not be having this many issues.”

“Just add that onto the list of issues you have already.”

Dan’s mouth popped open, “Wow. And _I’m_ the rude boy?”

“You are a rude boy!” Phil chided.

“Fuck. Off.”

Dan leaned over and poked Phil in the side making him let out a squeal.

“Oh ho ho, someone is ticklish!”

“Don’t-" Phil started before he was attacked by hands grabbing all along his sides.

“Dan! Don’t! God! STOP!” Slowly Phil slid down the front of the couch, his sides beginning to ache and his lungs void of air as his laughs came out in huffs.

Eventually Dan’s hands disappeared and all Phil could hear was bouts of laughter and blood pumping.

“Rude. Boy.” Phil breathed looking up at the ceiling, his chest wavering.

“Im sorry, but that was hilarious,” Dan said laying on his belly and reached down to lay a hand on Phil’s chest, the warmth of it heating all the way up into his cheeks. As if the wine hadn’t done that already.

“I need sleep, I think I’m drunk.” Phil’s head pounded and Dan's face danced above.

“Same here. You wouldn’t _believe_ the lady at the phone store today. Incompetent as _fuck_. I’m gonna go take a few hits of my bowl and I’ll be back.” Dan pushed off the couch and disappeared through the sliding glass door.

With ease, Phil propped himself up against the couch and stood too fast, making his head spin even faster. He made his way to his bedroom and undressed. Stumbling back onto the bed, pajamas in hand, he stared at the queen sized mattress. More than anything he wanted to fall asleep next to Dan that night. It might have been the alcohol talking, but then again, remembering the morning he awoke sprawled over Dan, it might have just been what sober Phil wanted too.

After struggling with his pajama pants for a thousand hours, Phil, finally dressed, made his way back to the living room to find Dan shutting the TV off.

“How was your smoke?” Phil yawned.

Dan turned his head around and smiled, “Great as always.” He moved to the kitchen and reached into a drawer, “Take a couple of these so you aren’t miserable tomorrow. I have plans for us and I’m not having a hung over twat ruining it.”

  
Phil walked over and met Dan in the living room as he held out his hand. Dan dropped two Advil into Phil’s opened hand, turned back to the kitchen and filled a glass with water.

“Here.”

“Thanks, mom.” Phil mumbled, the pills laying on his tongue already melting, leaving a taste that reminded Phil of cheap treats his snobby aunt use to give him around Christmas time. Phil quickly drank those memories away.

“Brush?” Dan took the glass back and walked it to the sink.

“Yeah, you need it.”

“It’s true what they say, alcohol does make you brave,” Dan laughed as he walked back towards Phil empty handed.

Before Phil even registered Dan’s movement, his hands where on Phil’s shoulders pushing as if he was knocking the drunk man over, before pulling Phil back upright.

Lights and colors swirled as Phil fought to keep his feet on the ground, “I hate you!”

Eventually Phil found himself standing in front of the small bathroom mirror, mouth foaming as he bumped his hip against Dan’s making both the boys giggle.

Phil spit in the sink and rinsed out his mouth, “Dan, I swear to god stop hip bumping me,” Phil laughed leaning over the sink and water running down his cheeks.

Dan repeated Phil’s actions all while swinging his hips challenging Phil’s balance.

Grabbing onto the towel bar Phil said, “If you’re going to make me fall, You’re going to have to catch, and trust me, you don’t want to have to catch this giant.”

Dan wiped the back of his arm across his mouth and stopped his swaying, “I do.”

“Do what?”

“Trust you.”

“Then does that mean you’re sleeping with me tonight?”

With a shocked expression, Dan’s eyes met Phil’s.

“Not like, sexy sleeping, like close my eyes and drift off to some fantasy about Edward Cullen, kind of sleep.” Phil was quick to add.

“Yeah, um, I would like that.” Dan’s eyes moved to the floor, his head bowing a bit, “but on one condition.”

“Of course.”

“ _I_ get to be the _big_ spoon.”

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Sorry for taking so long to update but here we are! Also thank you to @secretly-a-plant for being my beta! So hopefully from here on out there wont be as many typos and what not. Enjoy!

Phil slowly came out of a dream he already couldn’t remember, as he noticed something was different. Although his brain screamed at him to find the change, Phil’s mind was muddled; as if he was trudging through a substance that resembled Jell-O. His eyes opened to the familiar view of his wardrobe and Buffy poster hanging on the wall beside it. Although through his eyes everything looked normal enough, the whole back side of his body was pleasantly warm. As Phil became more conscious, he realized there was an arm draped over his waist under the duvet and a steady breath was hitting the back of his neck.

Phil shifted away from Dan to adjust his pajama pants that were bunching up under his side. Immediately following Phil’s movement, Dan tightened his hold on Phil’s waist and closed the gap between them.

“Not ready,” Dan’s warm breath danced as a stubble ridden chin poked through Phil’s shirt.

“Okay,” Phil smiled.

Even though this wasn’t the first time Phil had woken up in Dan’s embrace, the sensation swimming through Phil’s veins felt new and exciting. After all the movies, books, and television shows Phil had seen and read over the years depicting the very scene he played a role in now, he never really expected it to feel as magical as it really did. Of course, Phil had always wanted to experience such intimate situations, but there was never anyone who he’d ever seen fit to share that experience with. Phil had gotten looks from women, and even a few men, that made him feel as though they wanted something from him, but it always felt more like lust, not _this_. Not what was happening with Dan at that moment. Dan was right, Phil wasn’t ready to move either.

 

* * *

 

 

 _I’m never moving ever again_. Dan had been awake since the sun started poking through the window behind him. The first time he had seen Phil’s blue and green checker duvet Dan wondered how it would feel to be under them. Now he knew it was much warmer, and _god_ was Phil’s bed much more comfortable than the old futon he was used to. But what was making Dan vow to never move again was the warmth of a body and the smell of berry scented soap. Dan never thought his favorite smell would be berries, and he never thought he would ever make it into this bed. It seemed Dan was waiting for a change in Phil that would never come. _Just wait until you’re on the road._

 _Buzz_.

As slowly as he could, Dan removed his arm from around Phil, who had definitely fallen back to sleep, and reached under his pillow for his phone.

**9:08am**   
**Fey: Hey I’ll be there in a bit. Hope u bitches are up.**

**9:08am**   
**Dan: yeah we are up**

Dan locked his phone and stashed it back under the pillow. _I guess that means a have a bit more time for cuddles_. Pulling Phil back into his arms, Dan closed his eyes, snuggled in closer, and basked in the comfort of his…friend?

 _Are we friends? No, we’re more now. Right?_ Dan quickly lost himself in thought pondering over the complexity of his relationship with Phil. He was gladly terrified.

Suddenly the bedroom door swung open making Dan jump, causing Phil to startle awake, and kicking his senses into overdrive.

“Oh my god this is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen!” Fey was standing in the doorway smiling from ear to ear, hands on either side of her face.

“Jesus Christ!” Both Dan and Phil breathed dropping their bodies back onto the bed.

“I’m sorry!” Fey laughed moving over to sit on the side of the bed, “This just makes me so happy! My little Philly!” she crawled up towards the boys, her legs getting caught up in the long purple flowing skirt she was wearing.

“Fey!” Phil covered his face in the blanket as Fey made a space between them.

Fey stopped before she laid down, “We all have pants on, right?”

“Fey!” Dan and Phil protested together.

Dan sat up giving her more room, “When you said you were going to be a bit, I thought that meant at least a half hour.”

With grace, Fey fell on her back and places her arms behind her head, “No, by a bit, I meant I was a block away.”

“You invited her over?” Phil uncovered his face to look at Dan, “I thought we had plans this weekend?”

“Well, yeah, but we need a ride.”

“Oh, I see, I’m _just a ride._ ” Fry scoffed.

“Oh, shut up,” Dan said smacking Fey’s arm.

“I don’t even like you two! I don’t know why I brought you breakfast.” Fey laughed as she scooted off the bed.

“Breakfast!” Dan and Phil both said.

Fey arched an eyebrow, “Okay, if you do that again, I’m not doing anything for either of you ever again.”

“Fi-" Dan stared as Phil did. They looked at each other for a second before both laughing, Dan falling face first onto the bed next to Phil.

“Oh my god, I’m getting food.” Fey turned on her heel and left the room.

As Fey disappeared into the hall, Dan looked over at Phil laying on the bed, his hair a ruffled mess and his eyes still droopy with sleep.

“What?” Phil looked over meeting Dan’s eyes.

“I’m really happy I met you,” Dan whispered.

A smile spread across Phil’s face, “I’m happy I met you too.”

For a second, Dan felt his walls tumble, confessions almost escaping, until his brain started back up and put the pieces of the barrier back together, “Let’s go eat.”

Phil nodded, pulled the sheets off of himself, and made his way out the room. Taking a deep breath, Dan followed.

“Alright,” Fey announced as Dan entered the kitchen, “I brought sandwiches and coffee.”

They ate their food and chugged with drinks while pin balling stories from the previous week. More than ever Dan caught himself laughing and actually enjoying the company of Phil’s friend. He really did like Fey, she was kind and charismatic. On the outside, there was her tough don’t -mess-with-me façade, but between snarky remarks and sarcastic answers, Dan caught glimpses of her soft motherly like nature. It was reassuring that Phil had someone like this in his life to keep him on track but still at the end of the day would let him be his own person.

“Alright,” Phil stood up from the bar stool, stretching his arms up over his head making his shirt ride up. Dan definitely wasn’t looking, “I need a shower before we get this mystery day on the road,” Phil said giving Dan the most awkward finger guns he thought he’d ever seen.

“Leave, you fucking dork,” Dan laughed before he downed the rest of his too sweet coffee.

“Give us a break from that thing you call humor,” Fey mumbled as she leaned against the counter.

“Don’t worry, I have more A+ puns saved for later.” Phil waved his hand in the air as he walked away.

“That guy,” Fey moved over to take Phil’s spot next to Dan.

“Yeah he’s something else,” Dan smirked, wishing he had something to do with his hands besides hold the empty disposable coffee cup.

Fey crossed her short legs and leaned her chin against the palms of her hands, “Yeah. Something else.”

“What?” Dan looked up from his cup to see Fey displaying a cheeky grin.

“Oh, nothing,” She sat back up, “Just, you know, wondering where Phil stands in your life.”

“What are you on about?” Dan bit the inside of his cheek.

“Look, I just need to know how you really feel about him. He’s my best friend and is about to embark on some, travelling kid expedition thing with you and I’m not going to be sitting at home, or work, or somewhere else when I get a call from his mom telling me that he’s fucking dead. I need you to look me in the eyes, and tell me that you have good intentions.” Fey pointed towards her face, her mouth in a tight line and her elvish looking green eyes wide.

“I can assure you,” Dan huffed as he straightened his back, “I will do everything in my power to keep him safe.”

“Don’t let him do anything stupid.”  
  
“I’ll try not to. But he is the clumsiest person ever so I can’t promise you he won’t trip off a cliff.” Dan smiled a bit.

“Catch him.” Fey’s tone was defiant.

“I will.”

In a second, Fey’s smile returned, “Great! You want to smoke?”  
  
“Sounds like a plan to me.”

After cleaning up their mess from breakfast, Dan and Fey stepped outside and passed a joint back and forth. Before too long, the sliding glass door opened and Phil poker his head outside, his hair still damp.

“Fey, are you smoking pot?” Phil’s mouth hung opened.

“Yeah? I like to enjoy a nice smoke every now and then. We live in Colorado for fucks sake.” Fey took a puff and handed it back to Dan.

“Want some?” Dan said handing it out to Phil.

“Phil doesn’t smoke.”

“Says who!” Phil stepped through the threshold and closed the door before he took the weed.

“Phil Lester!” Fey gasped smacking Phil on the chest, “I never thought I would live to see this day!”

Coughing out a billow of smoke, Phil handed it off to Fey, “I’m just full of surprises.”

Slowly they finished their joint. Dan’s muscles relaxed and his mind became calm and clear. He wondered how Phil would handle him when he ran out of cannabis. It’s not like Dan was a monster, but without his medicine he would quickly become irritated and unpredictable. The biggest worry that clouded Dan’s mind, was the possibility of Phil losing interest in who Dan was when he was medicated versus when his mental illness took over. It happened before and it would probably happen again. At least that’s what Dan told himself.

“So anyway,” Phil rubbed his eyes, “What are we doing today?”

“Well…" Dan scooted Phil aside and opened the door. He went to his room- the spare room?- and with all his strength picked up two packs, both probably too heavy for actual travel, and returned to the living room where the other two now stood, “I’m taking you camping.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil gets to hitchhike!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I'm so very excited to be back after almost a month of not posting! Thank you to everyone who has returned and has been patient with me through the busy holiday season. This chapter was so fun to write and I hope you all enjoy Darrin the Pirate!  We picked up this wonderful man while heading from Ward to Ned and I just had to incorporate him into this fic. As always you can follow me on Tumblr @candanandphilnot but also thank you to my wonderful beta @secretly-a-plant. Please go follow them and show them love <3

“Come on, Phil! You’ve got this!”

 _The hell I do._ With sweat dripping down every part of his body, Phil pulled on the straps of the pack hanging off his back. When he’d first seen the bag Dan readied for him, Phil didn’t expect it to be so _bloody heavy_. How much shit could you possibly fit into one bag? Apparently enough to make Phil question his original excitement at the thought of camping.

They had loaded their belongings into Fey’s car and headed up the hill towards Nederland. At first, Phil thought Fey would take them to a campsite, drop them off and be on her merry way. But, oh no, Dan had other plans. Fey had driven straight through Nederland to take them to Ward, a small town in the side of a mountain that could barely qualify as a town, with a minuscule population and half the residents living with no running water. As small as Ward was, it was still quite a beautiful area. They parked in a dirt lot across from the general store, and as Phil stepped out of the vehicle, he looked up to the mountain where small houses and a white church poked out between trees.

Phil’s astonishment of the pure beauty of Ward quickly subsided as the sixty-pound pack was thrown on his back.

“Guys, I’m coming. This is really heavy.” Phil huffed.

Finally, Phil made his way down to where Fey and Dan sat next to a pole sticking out of the ground that had water flooding from the exposed end. Phil walked up next to Dan and dropped the pack his entire body thanking him.

“Y’alright?” Dan smiled as Phil dropped to his back on the slight incline next to the street.

“I'm so out of shape!”

Fey let out a chuckle, “You’re never going to survive out here.”

“Will too!” Phil sat back up, his head spinning.

“You just have to get use to it. I promise the pain will be worth it.” Dan said as he began digging in his pack, “Check your bag, Phil, you should have a water container attached to the side.”

Phil blinked. “We aren’t going to drink this…pipe water, are we?”

Dan blinked back, “Yes, we are. This is fresh spring mountain water.”

“I’ve read that it’s the third cleanest water in the whole United States.” Fey said.

“I mean, it’s just water.” Phil shrugged.

Both Dan and Phil retrieved two containers each from their packs and went over to the pipe. Attached to the pipe by a rope was the top of a milk gallon. Dan grabbed the handle and used it as a funnel to fill the container.

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Dan breathed after taking a big swig, “That is the best water I’ve ever drank.” He took another long drink.

Following Dan's motions, Phil filled his jug and took a drink. The water chilled his body and his taste buds danced, “Holy cow! Why is this so good!”

“Is it really that good?” Fey snatched Phil’s container and drank, “Jesus that is good.”

“I guess we should get going before it gets too late,” Dan mused after awhile of lounging around the spring.

“Yeah, I’m sure you want to get to Thirty-Seven and a Half before it starts getting dark,” Fey stood and stretched her limbs.

“I don’t even think its noon yet, guys. I think we have time.” Phil didn’t move from his seat in the dirt.

“Well, actually,” Dan stood and placed his hands on his hips, “Fey is going to leave us here.”

“Wait, how far is the campsite?”

Fey laughed, “Only five or six.”

“Five or six…"

“Miles.”

“ _Dan_! You didn’t tell me I was going to be walking to fricken Rome and back!”

Dan held up his hands, “You’re the one that wants to go on the road with me! I thought I would let you know what you’re getting yourself into!”

Phil let out an ungodly groan, “ _Dan_!”

“Hey, look, I know it’s a lot of walking but you’ll see, it will be worth it.”

“ _Six miles_ worth it?”

“A _million_ miles worth it.

 

 

With zero motivation and an attitude that could be better, Phil followed the two back up the hill which took significantly longer than the walk down.

By the time he reached the car Fey was sitting in the driver’s seat, her legs propping her door open as Dan leaned against the back door laughing about something Phil missed.

“How do you walk so fast with that heavy bag on,” Phil huffed letting his pack fall to the ground.

“Honestly I’m pretty winded.” Dan pushed off the car and stood upright, “I took too much time off from travelling.”

“Don’t worry Philly, you’ll get use to it.” Fey smiled before she leaned into the car and flipped the key making the car roar to life.

“God, I hope so.”

“Alright, we need to get going if we want to make it there before night. I have a feeling we are going to have to take a lot of breaks.” Dan smiled.

“Well, you crazy kids have fun. You have my number if you need it.” Fey gave them a quick smile and wave before she shut her door and pulled out of the dirt parking lot. Phil watched as the white sedan weaved its way up the side of the mountain towards the main road.

“You okay?”

As he snapped out of the trance that clogged him mind, Phil glanced over at Dan, his eyebrows pulled together and his mouth set in a tight grin. Maybe it was the way the sun shined behind Dan giving him a celestial glow, but Phil’s own mouth broke into a smile. How had Phil missed how _long_ Dan's hair had gotten? The curls in the back bounced against his neck in the breeze while the ones in the front were haphazardly pushed up under a new hat, bare of pins and patches.

“I need to get you some cool pins for your new hat,” Phil mused avoiding Dan’s question.

In a second Dan’s face relaxed. “You don’t need to get me anything. Once we find some jobs after we leave, I'll get my own pins.”

“When is your birthday?”

With a thoughtful expression, Dan pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Umm, its on Wednesday, I guess.”

“Good, I’ll keep that in mind. Now are we going to walk or what? I gotta keep moving or I'll lose all motivation and I’ll have to call Fey to come get me.”

 

* * *

 

  
“We can take a break if you want. Seriously this hill is fucking huge.”  
  
“No…gotta…make…it…just…took…one.” God walking was one thing. Walking with a 60-pound bag on your back was a whole other story. How did Dan do this everyday. At first the trek hadn’t been that bad. Phil was sweaty but he could do this. He _would_ do this. In the back if his mind he knew their future held a vehicle of some kind, but Phil wasn’t about to ruin that surprise. _Just keep letting him think that we are going to be doing this shit. He will thank me when I find the perfect vehicle._

“Okay,” Dan came to a stop, “we…are…taking…a _fucking break_.”

Immediately Phil dropped his bag and fell to the rocky ground beside it as small rocks dug into his back making him flinch. Rocks in the back were better than forcing his legs to move anymore.

“ _Thank god_.”

“You’re not the only one who needs to get use to this, Philly.” Dan said from somewhere on the other side if Phil’s closed eyelids.

“Why do people hate us? Someone needs to give us a ride.” At first Phil really wasn’t too sure about hitchhiking, but it turns out no one wanted to stop anyways. Dan had told him, “When you hear a car behind you, just stick out your thumb and turn around so they can see your face. People are more likely to stop if they can see you’re not a tweeker or something.”

But Phil wouldn’t get that lucky, would he? Of course he would have to walk the whole six miles.

“I’m actually very surprised no one has stopped yet. We’ve already walked _at least_ three miles.”

Despite Phil’s lack of energy, he opened his eyes slightly, the sun burning his retinas as he pulled himself into a sitting position. “I’m telling you, they frickin’ hate us.”

“I just don’t get it. This is thee most hitchhiked area in the whole U.S. I mean, that’s what I’ve heard at least.” A beat of silence passed. “Actually, Phil, lets walk a little more.” Dan pointed up the road. “There is a look out up there. If we are going to rest, we can at least have a view.”

“It better be worth it.” Phil grumbled as he forced himself up.

 _Yeah, it was worth it_. As they came up on the lookout, Phil felt the air escape from his lungs. It was like a meeting point for two sides of the mountains. Trees lined the right side of the valley and bright green grass painted the other as the both cascaded down into the town of Boulder. As big as Boulder was, from Phil’s view it was so tiny, like he could just scoop the large buildings in his hand and stuff it in his pocket.

 

[Reference Photos](https://candanandphilnot.tumblr.com/post/181752258336/just-a-reference-photo-for-chapter-15-of-patlt)

“This is what I do it for.” Dan sighed, his pack falling to the ground. “All this,” he held out his arms, “Is worth walking hundreds of miles.”

Phil could see it. If every day he could see a landscape this beautiful, Phil would walk too and never stop. _But I don’t have to. I can just take a plane._

“I'm so privileged.”

Dan walked over next to Phil and grabbed his hand. “But at least you’re humble enough to realize that. And at least you’re not just sitting in a hotel room right?”

Before Phil could respond, his attention was pulled towards the sound of tires crunching over gravel. A red dinged up SUV pulled off the road and came to a stop behind the boys.

“Hello! Do I spy some weary travelers?” A man with a long blonde beard and an obnoxious, wide rimmed hat called from inside the car as his window finished opening.

“Hello,” Dan turned and gave the man a two-finger salute.

“Would you like some assistance in your journey?” The mans voice boomed making Phil feel inadequate to the fearlessness of the vibrations.

Unsure of how to respond, Phil looked to Dan. His friend hesitated for a split second taking in the situation before sighing, “That would be really nice, wouldn’t it?” Dan looked to Phil.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“The hatch in the back is unlocked if you would like to store your homes there.”

They went to the back of the vehicle with their packs.

“Are you sure about this guy?” Phil whispered as Dan opened the hatch.

“He seems decent enough.”

Nerves filled Phil’s stomach. What if this guy was some kind of cannibal or a weird traveler collector that would keep them hostage in his basement with the rest of his victims? Okay, maybe Phil was being a little too creative with these assumptions, but it could happen.

“Look, I have my knife on me if he starts acting weird. Plus, we’re only a few miles away from the campsite.” Dan smiled as he closed the hatch.

Without another word, Dan climbed into the back seat and motioned for Phil to sit up front.

“Where to my brothers?”

Phil plopped down on the tan fabric seat, the smell of cigarette smoke sneaking its way up his nose. The man to Phil’s right leaned against the center console, as Phil noticed his red military style jacket with shoulder pads making the man look bigger than he actually was.

“Do you know where Thirty-Seven and a Half is?” Dan piped up from the back.

“Indeed I do! I’m Darrin by the way.” He held out a chubby worn hand towards Phil.

“I’m Phil and this is Dan.” Darrin’s hand was warm and rough in Phil’s.

“Onward and Yarward!” Darrin threw the car in gear and turned back onto the road. “It is not uncommon that I pick up a hitchhiker or two. I want to play a game.”

_Great, we’ve been picked up by Jigsaw…_

“You see, my friends, I am intrigued by words. In my spare time I enjoy reading dictionaries. I call this game, Stump The Pirate. Go on! Give me a word, any word, and I will spell it, give you the definition and use it in a small sentence.”

“Chair.” Phil chuckled.

“Now, now, Phil! You can do much better than that! Give me a challenge!”

“Eviscerate.” Dan mused.

“Ah! Eviscerate! E-V-I-S-C-E-R-A-T-E, to disembowel or to deprive something of its essential content. _I will eviscerate you, alien scum_!” Darrin let out a near maniacal laugh.

“Repulsive!” Phil giggled. How had he gone from a nervous wreck to giddy in a nearly minute?

“Oh yes! Repulsive, R-E-P-U-L-S-I-V-E. Arousing intense distaste or disgust. _The week-old leftovers produced a repulsive smell_!”

The next five minutes went by faster than Phil had liked them to. At first Phil was unsure of Darrin but after driving with him for three miles, Phil didn’t really want to say goodbye.

“Here we are, my boys, Thirty-Seven and a Half!”

“Thank you so much!” Dan said crawling out of his door.

Phil followed suit as Dan began pulling their packs from the back. As Phil walked to the other side, Dan appeared with their packs.

“Would you like to join us for some lunch?” Dan handed Phil's bag to him.

With a smile half hidden behind his beard, Darrin gave a hearty laugh. “I would love to, but I am on a journey myself to retrieve goods for my sister and her children. Perhaps we will meet again! May your journeys be plentiful and rewarding young men!” without another word, Darrin waved and drove away.

“Well that was…"

“What happens when you travel.” Dan finished with a laugh.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil finds out there is more to camping than roasting marshmallows and Dan finds it hilarious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Just a warning that Phil is quite embarrassed through most of the chapter so if you're not a fan of second hand embarrassment, I'm sorry. Go follow my wonderful beta @secretly-a-plant on tumblr and myself @candanandphilnot. Thank you for reading and for your support <3

“Here we are!”

After Darrin had disappeared down the tree lined road, Dan had led Phil back the dirt path into the national forest to the spot he had camped before.

“It’s so pretty back here!” Phil had immediately dropped his pack beside the open wooden fence surrounding the front part of the site.

“You’ve been here before.” Dan reminded him as he sat down and leaned his sore back up against his over stuffed bag.

“I know, but it was dark then. I didn’t realize how… _amazing_ this all looked. Like what is this?” Phil dropped to a knee and plucked the small blueish green plant that covered the clearing out of the ground.

Dan smiled, “That’s sage. We should actually harvest some to take with us when we leave.”

“And look at all those rocks!” Phil continued his outburst leaving the sage on the ground.

Dan let out a laugh this time, “They’re rocks Phil.”

“Yeah, but look at how they make tiny mountains, on top of _the actual mountain_! And what is this?” Phil bent back down and picked up a rock.

“That’s quartz.”

Phil threw the stone back and fourth in his hands before studying it more, “It’s like, white but kind of pink. I thought quartz was just white?”

“Well that’s raw quartz before its tumbled and made into the pretty stuff you see in stores. There is a ton of that here.”

“Here’s more! Oh my god this one is huge!”

Dan couldn’t contain his laughter as Phil began a small pile of quartz.

“Okay, Phil, before we start collecting rocks, we should probably get our tent set up.”

Phil dropped one last stone, “I’ve never set a tent up before.”

Dan started digging through his pack and found the orange and grey bag that held their Coleman tent. “Well, you’re just trying so many new things today, aren’t you?”

“Shut up. It can’t be that hard.” Phil watched as Dan dumped the contents of the bag out. Three smaller grey bags fell into the dirt.

“Go on,” Dan motioned to the bags.

For a second Phil’s face was blank, “You're not going to help me?”

“Well it can’t be that hard right? Just imagine I’m not here.”

“Yeah, right, it's just a tent!”

Dan knew it would be fun to watch Phil try to figure out the tent, but he didn’t realize how hilarious it would be.

“What are these?”

“Those are steaks Phil. You use them to hold down the tent so it doesn’t blow away. You should have a mallet in your pack to use to put those in the ground.”

“What are _these_?” Phil dumped another bag of contents on the ground.

“Those are the poles that actually hold the tent up.”

What should have been a ten-minute job turned into an hour ordeal that left Dan’s sides in stitches. One second Phil would spew confidence as he declared, “Look! Not hard at all! Just have to put this pole here…and this one…here…" Until the half erect tent would tumble to the ground making Phil’s face do the same.

“You know I can help.” Dan would try, getting ready to pull himself off the ground.

“I’ve got this!” Phil would retort demanding Dan to sit back down.

_It’s so fucking cute_. Thinking back to the night they shared marshmallows over the fire, Dan couldn’t help but laugh at himself. _I thought I was fucked then. I’ve been living with this twat for months and now he’s coming with me on the road_. Somehow Dan still had his doubts but at least Phil was trying right? _He'll learn. He'll do fine._

“Its up!”

“Barely.”

It _was_ up, but the steaks were too close together making the tent a weird oblong shape instead of round.

Phil pointed the wooden mallet at Dan, “Listen here laddy, I did my best.”

With a smile, Dan stood and showed Phil where he went wrong. Some people hated being critiqued but not Phil. He was tentative, nodding when Dan spoke and responding with an “Okay,” or “So next time I’ll do it like that.” Teaching Phil was easy, and that was something Dan tried not to take for granted. So many people had too much pride to admit when they didn’t do something right, and often in the past, Dan would get accused of being rude or bossy. All Dan ever wanted to do was help. Unless the person deserved a rude response, and in that case, Dan never hesitated to give them such.

“Alright,” Phil clapped his hands together, “now we can relax?”

“Not quite yet, we need to put the tarp up over the tent.”

“I checked the weather on the way up here. I didn’t think it was supposed to rain.” Phil’s eyebrows drew together as he placed his hands on his hips.

“It's not _supposed_ to. But that doesn’t mean it _won’t_. We always put up the tarp. Trust me, you don’t want a wet tent.”

Of course, Phil fought when Dan had insisted that he put the tarp up himself. As much as Dan wanted Phil to learn, Dan didn’t quite trust Phil's ability to tie a tight enough knot to hold up if it did so happen to rain.

“Dan! Please be careful!”

“I’ve climbed more trees in my lifetime than you think Philly.” Dan breathed as he re adjusted his legs that were tightly wrapped around the thin tree he was halfway up.

“Do you really have to climb that high? I can try to catch you if you fall but you’d probably kill me.”

Dan laughed between the rope clamped in his teeth. “I know my ass is fat, but I think yours is big enough to cushion my fall.” He pulled on the knot and took the access rope out of his mouth with the hand that wasn’t clinging to a branch. “Also, yes, I have to climb this high. The tarp can’t be flat or the water would just collect in the middle. Pull the opposite end for me, would you? This needs to be tighter.”

“Alright, now what?” Phil asked as Dan slowly came down out of the tree.

“We can eat if you want. I brought enough food just for today.”

Dan rolled a few logs over to the rock fire ring that sat a little ways from the tent as Phil dug two baggies out of Dan’s bag that had peanut butter and jellies in them.

A comfortable silence fell between them as they scarfed down their sandwiches and washed them down with water.

“So, what now?”

“Well,” Dan started as he stuffed the empty baggies back into his back, “we could go for a stroll around and collect some quartz. Start a little rock collection.”

“That sounds fun! But, umm, where is the bathroom? Is there like a latrine or something?” Phil looked around.

  
“You’re looking at it.” Dan opened his arms to their surroundings, his left arm bumping Phil's chest.

  
Phil locked eyes with Dan and didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

“But what if I have to…you know?”  
  
“Shit?” Dan walked over to his pack that sat next to the tent and pulled a roll of toilet paper out of his bag. “Here is this.” He tossed the roll in Phil's direction then dug some more and pulled out a small shovel. “And this.” He walked over to stand in front of Phil still sat on a log.

Phil’s mouth hung open as his eyes flickered between Dan’s and the objects in their hands.

  
“Wait, so…you want me to dig a hole and…how do you even do that?”

A loud laugh escaped Dan’s mouth. “There are going to be times where there is no bathroom Phil, and this is one of those times.”

“Well then.” Phil stood and snatched the shovel out of Dan's hands. “I guess ill go find a suitable tree to umm…go behind.”

“Have fun Lester!”

“Shut up.” Phil mumbled as he turned his back and started off towards the thick of the woods.

 

* * *

 

  
“What are we going to do with all these?” Phil laughed as he dropped to his knees where Dan was already organizing the pile of rocks they had collected.

“We could make a fire ring out of them. That'd be cool wouldn’t it?”

“That would be fun. They would make cool earrings too.” Phil held up two small pieces of quartz to his ears.

“Not on you though.”

“Why not?” Phil scoffed.

“I dunno. Your personality is just too adorable for that.”

Under Phil’s cheeks, a red glow appeared. _Yeah, definitely too adorable._

“What are we?”

“Humans.” Dan laughed as he continued to sort the rocks into piles by size.

“No, I mean you and me. Like, are we friends?”

Dan stopped sorting and looked up to Phil whose eyes were downcast and his mouth sat in a thin line.

“Well of course we are. Why? Do you think I don’t like you or something?”

“No, I mean, I know you like me but you know, umm…like…like are we _more_ than that?”

“We are whatever you want us to be.”

“But I’m not sure what that is.” Phil bit his lip still avoiding Dan’s eyes.

“That’s quite alright. Do we need a label on our relationship? Just let it be what it is.”

A beat of silence passed. “But how would I introduce you?”

A swirl of anxiety made its way up into Dan’s chest. He hated all these questions. “It doesn’t matter does it?”

Finally, Phil’s head snapped up and their eyes met. “You don’t think it matters what we are?”

“Not really, no. Listen Phil, I like you a lot and I care about you more than you probably know, call me your friend, boyfriend, husband, call me your fucking uncle, I don’t really care as long as you’re in my life.”

At that, Phil cracked a smile. “Nice to meet you! I’m Phil and this is Uncle Danny.”

The tightness in Dan’s chest loosened a bit, “I’m that weird uncle that shows up, eats food then falls asleep on the couch at every holiday”

“No way, you’re the uncle that makes really lame jokes that the adults hate but the kids love.”

“Can’t I be both?”

“Does it matter?”

The coy smile that Phil wore made Dan’s chest tighten again, but this time in a good way. “No, it really doesn’t.”

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DanAndPhilCamping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! TW:This chapter contains mentions of prostitution, past abuse, and LSD. Thank you for returning to this fic honestly it means a lot. Follow my wonderful beta @secretly-a-plant and myself @candanandphilnot on Tumblr. Enjoy <3

_It doesn’t matter, does it?_

Did it matter what they were as long as they were something? Was having a label attached to Dan and Phil a necessity or was Phil just being insecure? Of course, Dan liked him. _I’m just overthinking this. Or am I? Yeah, maybe he flirts with me and we’ve slept in the same bed, but why doesn’t he kiss me?_

_Call me your friend, boyfriend, husband, call me your fucking uncle, I don’t really care as long as you’re in my life._ Phil never thought of himself as someone who thought labels really mattered. Even when it came to his own sexuality, he never put too much thought into what he would classify himself as. But Dan’s words bounced around in his brain like a wild bull ride, aggressive tugs back and forth, every pull threatening to throw him off. What were Phil’s boundaries? Were there any?

“Earth to Phil?”

“Hmm?”

“I said, could you hand me the mallet?”

“Oh, yeah, sure thing.”

As he tried to shake off the unwanted thoughts that assaulted his mind, he stepped to his left and grabbed the mallet off the ground where Dan had dropped it just minutes ago.

“Here.”

“What’s shut you up all of sudden” Dan gently took the mallet as he began swinging it into the hatchet that had gotten stuck in a thick piece of wood.

“Just getting lost in thought is all.” Phil rocked back on his heels and shoved his hands deep into the pocket of his jeans.

“Care to elaborate?” Dan took another swing, the wood finally spitting in half making Phil flinch a bit.

“S’not important.”

With a sigh, Dan stood and wiped the beading sweat off his forehead, a couple curls getting stuck together from the moisture.

“Well don’t get too lost in that noggin. I know what that does to you.”

_See, he does care. Maybe he’s waiting on me to make a move._

  
“So, what are we having for dinner?”

“Help me collet some kindling. Small sticks. And it’s a surprise.”

A few minutes later Phil sat on a log watching Dan hover over the small pile of sticks in their quartz fire ring as he held his lighter to a piece of paper. The fire started small but Dan blew on the embers and slowly added larger pieces of wood until Phil could feel the heat on his legs.

“Alright!” Dan smiled as he took a seat next to Phil on the small log, their thighs pressed together. “Now we just have to wait for there to be coals and I can start dinner.”

“Next time you should let me do more. I feel like I haven’t done much of anything.”

“That’s a lie. You pitched the tent.”

“Then you had to redo it.” Phil scoffed.   
  
“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of all this eventually. Trust me, when you’re travelling setting up camp is half your life.”

Silence fell between them and the roaring fire. Phil watched as the flames flicked up into the air and small embers floated up towards the sky before disappearing into the darkening sky.

“When was your last kiss?” Phil blurted even though he didn’t intend to.

“Does it matter?” Dan laughed, his shoulders shaking a bit.

_There he goes again with that does it matter bullshit._

“Not necessarily. I’m just curious.”

“Well,” Dan started as his laughter died, “It was probably…umm…six months ago or so?”

“Oh yeah?”

Dan cocked his head to the side as his mouth settled into a smirk, “Yeah. I was at a festival and I had taken some LSD. Just a corner of a tab to lighten my mood. And I met this guy-I don’t even remember his name-and I remember him looking at me while we were all dancing to this shitty dance music. I hadn’t remembered the last time someone looked at me like that. He came over to me. We started dancing. Then at some point we started kissing.” Dan’s voice trailed off and his eyes became distant as if he started getting lost in the memory.

Although Phil had prompted the conversation, he wasn’t quite prepared for the jolt of jealousy that shot through him. The thought of Dan’s lips on another person made his skin crawl.

Suddenly Dan’s eyes came back into focus and landed on Phil. “What about you?”

“Umm…" for some reason, Phil was caught off guard by his own inquiry being spit back at him. “Well, umm.” Just tell him. He won’t judge you.

“Come on. Out with it, you. I’m not going to judge you.” Dan replied as if he read Phil’s thoughts.

Phil took a deep breath.

“About three years ago. I flew to Amsterdam to meet a potential long-term client. Some dude who made these nature documentary things. They were really horrible so I declined, but he did buy me dinner at this wonderful restaurant. Anyway, it was my last night there and I completely raided the mini bar in my hotel room and got pretty drunk. Then…I got really sad. I was lonely so I, umm…went down to the red-light district.”

“ _Phil!_ ” Dan gasped as he smacked Phil’s shoulder.

“Shut up! I’m not done yet!”

“I just never pegged you for a guy who’d pay for sex!”

“Dan.”

“I’m sorry, go on. I’m listening I promise.”

Phil cracked a smile at Dan’s wide eyes and anticipated energy.

“ _Anyway_. I wasn’t looking for sex.”

“Really.” Dan said, his voice flat. “You went to the _red-light district_ and you weren’t looking for sex?”

Phil shot Dan a glare.

“Right. I’m listening.” Dan pretended to zip his mouth shut.

Phil rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. “ _Any. Way_. I went down to the red-light district and I was just kind of drunkenly walking around not really knowing what I was doing there. But then I see this girl standing behind a dirty glass door under a bright blue light. She was so gorgeous and her face looked so welcoming a nice so I knocked on the door. She stepped out and asked what I was looking to…do. All I said was I wanted to talk. She just laughed. Like the loudest, screw-you type laugh I'd ever heard.”

“So, what then? Did you leave?”

Phil couldn’t help but let out a laugh. Dan was actually enthralled with the story. “I gave her five thousand euros.”

“Wow. Phil. You really were drunk and lonely, weren’t you?”

“I told you, I’ve never really had friends or relationships. So yeah. I gave her the money, I went into the room with her. And we talked.”

“About?” Dan prompted.

“I don’t remember,” Phil laughed, “But after an hour I felt a lot better. Then she kissed me and I left.”

After what felt like hours of silence Dan let out a puff of air. “Wow. And you say that your life isn’t that interesting. Fucking lies Phil, fucking lies.”

“That’s probably as exciting as it gets to be honest.” A small thrill of excitement washed over Phil. Maybe his life wasn’t as boring as it seemed. Or maybe it was because he never had someone who he felt close enough to share those experiences with. Although he had Fey, Phil never had the courage to bring up such stories because, well, he didn't want to feel judged. But seeing Dan’s smile and comforting eyes, Phil realized no matter what he said to Dan, and maybe even Fey, he would still have people who loved him for just the way he was.

 

* * *

 

  
“Phil, do you trust me?”

“I guess so.” Phil said closing his eyes.

Dan had added some rocks to the inside of the fire ring where he could set a pot that now held rice, chicken an array of vegetables.

“Seriously, you’ll be surprised how good canned chicken and rice can taste. Now go put on your carharts. The sun is setting and it’s going to get really cold, real quick.” Dan said as he continued to add some spices to the mixture in the pot.

“Yes mum.”

Never in his life had Phil ever had _canned chicken. Gross._ But then again, he would have to get use to eating what was available. That’s what’s travelers did after all.

Phil scrounged around his pack and pulled out a sweater, a pair of thick socks, and the heaviest set of overalls he had ever picked up. With everything piled in his arms, Phil went back over to the log and started untying his shoes.

“I can barely move in these!” Phil stood a minute later clad in his gear as he struggled to lift a knee up towards his chest.

Over the faint glow of the fire, Dan stood on the other side, a smile stretched across his face.

“What're you smiling at.” Phil poked as he zipped his galaxy pattern jacked over the straps of his spotless black carharts.

Before answering Dan took a long hit of a joint Phil didn’t see him roll. “Those look good on you.”

“Oh yeah. These bulky winterized overalls are so sexy.”

“Seriously. When I first met you, I wondered how you would look if we traded spots.” Dan meandered around the fire coming to a stop in front of Phil. “Now we just have to get a little dirtier.” He raised a hand, extended his pointer finger and quickly touched the tip of it to Phil’s nose.

_Maybe I should just kiss him. He’s close enough I could. Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for._

“Thank you for coming with me this weekend.” Dan all but whispered before raising his hand again and moving it to cup Phil’s jaw.

Although Dan’s hand was cold, the rest of Phil’s body flooded with warmth. “Thank you for bringing me.” Phil replied trying desperately to keep eye contact with Dan, but his gaze was so intense it made Phil’s nerves go haywire.

With a laugh Dan dropped his hand and stepped back as he brought the joint back up to his mouth. “You’re so easy to fluster. I love it.”

A wave of heat made its way up into Phil’s cheeks. He reached out and plucked the joint out of Dan’s mouth. “Well maybe you should kiss me already and I wouldn’t get so flustered.”

Dan’s mouth made an audible _pop_ as it dropped open. “Well, maybe I will then.”

“Do it.”

Before Dan could respond a loud hiss came from the fire ring as the pot started boiling over.

“Shit.” Quickly Dan moved the pot off the fire. “Dinner is ready!” Dan immediately started gathering their utensils and divvying out the food.

_He’s stalling. Phil, maybe he’s nervous. Remember his last relationship._

As they ate, Phil’s mind replayed the stories of abuse and selfish lovers. It never occurred to Phil that it might not be as simple for Dan as it was for himself. _He's scared to make the next step. He’s scared I’m going to be the next Riley._ And even though Phil knew he had already showed Dan he was nothing like the people of his past, Phil also knew that it took more than words and a few months of friendship to change such strong views.

“So, how is it?” Dan’s voice pulled Phil out of his mind.

“Honestly, It’s not bad. I thought it was going to taste like cat food or something.” Phil glanced over to Dan sat beside him.

“I told you, as long as you have the right spices you can make anything taste good.” Dan replied with a mouth full of food.

They finished their food in an awkward silence. Phil would just have to wait it out until Dan felt safe enough. _What if he never felt safe? What if he never wanted me in the way I want him?_

“Want to help me wash these dishes? And take care of these cans?” Dan mumbled as he took the last bite if his food.

“Sure, I’ll grab the water.”

A few minutes later, Phil found himself kneeling on the ground in the dark, only the light of a small lantern illuminating the dishes, him and Dan scrubbed with cold water that threaten to lock their fingers.

“Sorry we had to go so far away from camp, but I'd rather not get mauled by a bear tonight.” Dan said as he shook the access water off of his bowl.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind it.”

“This is the worst part about traveling, honestly. I hate trees at night.”

“Trees at night? That’s an odd fear.” Phil giggled as he finished stacking the clean dishes.

“Well I’m not too fond of the dark anyway. Harder to see my surroundings. Trees at night are just creepy though. They look like demon arms and hands or something.”

“Are you scared to kiss me?”

Phil could feel Dan stiffen making Phil follow suit. Confrontation was never Phil’s strong suit. The tension always made Phil’s insides twist and his head light, but with Dan it seemed bearable. Dan could be blunt but he would never lose that underlying tone of respect he always showed Phil.

“I'm scared of this whole thing, Phil.” Dan stood and grabbed a plastic bag containing the empty cans and spices. He pulled a thin ball of rope out of his pocket and began tying one end to the bag. “Don’t get me wrong. I want you in every way but…"

“You don’t want me to turn out like Riley.” Phil finished as Dan threw the plastic bag over a tree limb.

Dan finished securing the bag up above them, then let out a loud sigh. “I don’t want you to change. I like everything about you and I know I don’t know you fully yet. I don’t want to find out you’re just like everyone else. I mean if I kiss you…that changes everything.”

Dan’s shoulders were drawn in and his hands were shoved deep into his pockets.

“How so?”

“Feelings get more intense, involved, complicated. At that point I can’t deny that something is happening between us that I can’t control. And I _hate_ that. I _absolutely fucking hate_ not having control.” Dan began walking from one side of Phil to the other.

“Can’t we just let it be what it is? Go with whatever happens? You know, like you said.”

“Can we though?”

Phil stepped in front of Dan who was still pacing and placed his hands on Dan’s shoulders. “I can if you can. I’m on the same page as you here. I don’t care what we are as long as you’re in my life. Hey, look at me.” Dan had ducked his head down so Phil was talking to a mop of curls he could barely see in the dim light.

Dan halfheartedly lifted his chin to look at Phil.

“Dan, I’m comfortable with where we are right now if this is where you want to be. I don’t expect a physical relationship even if that is what I want. I just want you to be happy.”

“You’re too nice to me.” Dan lowered his head to Phil’s shoulder and snaked his arms around Phil’s waist.

They stayed wrapped up in each other for so long that by the time they returned to their camp, hands intertwined, the red-hot coals were dull and ready to die.

“Are you ready for bed? I’m exhausted and freezing.” Dan mumbled pulling Phil towards the tent.

Without another word, they climbed into their tent and rolled out their sleeping bags under the light of the lantern hanging from the roof of the tent. It seemed like their conversation was postponed until further notice.

Phil had stuffed his feet into the bottom of his bright green mummy bag and zipped it up until only his face was showing. Dan switched the lantern off and laid with his bag unzipped and draped over himself. _When did the temperature drop so much? Wasn’t I wearing a t-shirt earlier?_

“Hey Dan?’ Phil called as he wiggled his numb toes.

“Yeah?”

“I'm cold.”

Phil heard a little chuckle in the dark. “Unzip your bag and come here.”

Promptly, Phil listened and scooted over to where Dan had sat up.

“Lay down.”

Phil grabbed his pillow and laid down on his side.

Dan took the bottom of Phil’s sleeping bag and tucked Phil’s feet into it and let the rest fall over him. After a few seconds of Dan shuffling around in the dark, another blanket fell over Phil and the warmth of another body was being pressed up against Phil’s back.

“Good night.” Dan’s warm breath washed over Phil’s neck.

“Good night.” Phil replied already drifting off to sleep but not before he felt a warm kiss behind his ear.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil's camping trip comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Chapters have be scarce due to mg lack of motivation for this fic rn. Don't worry, I will finish it but I don't want to write something I'm not happy with so for right now I'll be updating whenever I have the inspiration. But I will be working on other smaller fics so if you're here for my writing you're in luck lol. Follow my wonderful beta @secretly-a-plant and myself @candanandphilnot on Tumblr. Enjoy <3

“Dan. Dan. _Dan!_ ”

“What? What’s wrong?” Dan’s eyes flew open as he sat up with a start and looked around the dark tent.

“ _Shhh!_ ” Phil grabbed Dan by the shoulder and pulled him back down to the ground. “I have to pee.” Phil whispered.

“Okay, so-"

“ _Shhh!_ _There is something touching our tent!_ ”

Silence filled the tent for a few seconds before Dan heard something rub against the smooth material behind his head, then a series of sniffs.

 _That fucking bear_. “I’m going to yell. Don’t freak out. It’s only a bear.” Dan whispered making Phil’s eyes almost popped out of his head. Then he started hitting the fabric above him. “ _Get! Go!_ ”

“ _Dan_! Th-the ba ba ba ba!” Phil started grabbing Dan’s flailing arms.

“That ba ba ba bear is a little bitch, Phil.”

With enough force to make his head spin, Dan threw his sleeping bag off of him, unzipped the tent and stumbled onto the ground. As his hands hit the dirt Dan scrambled for rocks before his eyes fully adjusted to the night. The bear growled somewhere to Dan’s left and he started chucking rocks.

“ _Get out of here you fucking animal!_ ”

Finally, Dan could see the small black bear starting to trot away, a rock clipping it’s backside making its legs move faster.

“Bloody hell!” Phil popped out of the tent waving the lantern.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Dan sighed and placed his hands on his hips. “Go take your piss.”

For a second Phil hesitated. “But…but what if it comes back?” His voice was small and his fingers fidgeted making the light wobble.

“Give me the light and go right there beside the tree.”

Phil handed Dan the light and walked a few steps to the tree. After a minute of zippers and fabric shuffling the air became silent.

“Phil? Are you going to piss or what?”

“It’s hard to go when you’re right there.”

“Do you want me to-"

“No! The bear is going to come back and bite my penis off!”

Dan howled, “It will if you don’t just fucking go already.”

“Just let me concentrate.”

“Alright, go on then.”

A minute later Dan heard a stream of liquid hit the ground. “Wow, you have normal bodily functions.”  
  
“Actually shut up. You’re making this weird.”

“Nothing's weird unless you make it weird.”

Fabric. Zipper. _Smack_. “You’re the worst.”

Dan laughed and smacked Phil back. “You’re the one that likes me.”

It probably should have been weird, but Dan couldn’t feel more comfortable with Phil.

Phil’s mouth stretched open as he let out a yawn. “What now? I don’t think I’m going back to bed now that I know there is a bear stalking us.”

Looking up at the sky which had started lighting up, Dan sighed. “We could go back to sleep, but the sun is going to rise soon. If we pack up now, we could get down the road to a clearing and watch the sun rise?”

“If that means getting away from that beast than yes, lets go.”

It didn’t take the boys more than a quarter of an hour to tear down their tent, grab their food out of the tree in the distance, and start packing everything back into their bags. What took the longest was Dan having to show Phil how to get everything back into their bags.

“How the hell did you fit all this in here!” Phil wined as he held the opening of his pack with both hands and pressed his foot into it.

“My dear Phil, it’s all about organization.” Dan had just clipped the flap of his bag shut and was headed over to help Phil. “You didn’t even roll your sleeping bag!” he scolded.

“I didn’t know I had to!”

Eventually, they had their packs closed and they set off back towards the road through the dark woods.

“This is actually really creepy.” Phil piped up from beside Dan.

With a quick sweep of their surroundings Dan replied, “Yeah, sometimes you’ll have to do things and go places you don’t really wanna. But it’s life, y'know?”

“Do you hear that?” Phil came to a stop.

As Dan stopped, he concentrated on the sounds of the quiet forest, which was becoming not so silent.

“That’s a vehicle. Come on, let’s keep going.”

Right as they came up onto the main road, Dan noticed a flicker of lights flash behind them. Slowly, a small truck emerged from the trees, bouncing along the bumpy dirt path.

 _Please don’t be weird_ , Dan prayed to any higher being as the truck pulled up beside them.

  
“Hey there.” A deep voice called from the vehicle making Dan stop in his tracks and grabbing Phil’s arm with one hand, and stuffing the other into his pocket to curl his fingers around his pocket knife with the other.

“Hello.” Dan turned to face an older gentleman that had deep wrinkles and a bushy mustache distorting his face.

“You boys need a ride. I’m heading down the 119.”

“Well, umm, we were just trying to get to a clearing where we could watch the sunrise.” Dan could never truly enjoy his own American accent.

“Well,” the man drawled on, his voice resprmbleling heavy feet against gravel, “I can take you's to the dam. I reckon it’s a pertty view from there. I ain’t got room in the cab. But you's can hop in the bed there.” He threw his thumb back towards the bed.

The small amount of anxiety that had been un Dan’s stomach lifted. Riding in a bed was so much better than being inside the vehicle. At least they could tuck and roll out of the back.

“Thank you, sir. Come on Phil.”

“Is this safe? There’s no seat belts or anything.” Phil whispered as Dan threw his bag over the side of the truck.

“Relax,” Dan started as he pulled the bag off of Phil’s back and threw it over the side with his, “just get in the truck and enjoy the ride. Okay?”

Dan placed a foot on the tire and pulled himself up and over and steadied his feet on the metal floor. He reached his hand out for Phil to take. A second passed as Phil’s stared at Dan’s outstretched hand.

“You comin' or what boy?” the old man barked making Phil jump before grabbing Dan’s hand.

They settled themselves against their packs and stretched their legs out on the cool metal. Dan turned to the back window and gave the man a thumbs up. The truck bucked to life, shaking the boys back and fourth until the man straightened the vehicle on the smooth road. Cold air curled around the cab of the truck whipping the exposed skin on Dan’s face.

When Dan decided to take Phil camping, in the back of his mind he was a little nervous to get back out. He thought maybe he had spent too much time living inside and suddenly, he would lose everything he gained from years of baring the elements, but sitting in the bed of the truck, Dan felt stupid for having such thoughts. Their camping trip had brought out that primal instinct of survival Dan thrived off of. He was home.

“This is awesome.” Phil yelled over the loud whipping wind, pushing his hair out of his face.

“Get use to it.” Dan smiled as he watched the trees engulf the road behind them.

As they bounced around the bed of the truck, Dan started laughing. _To be free again_.

Within minutes the truck weaved its way down the hill into Nederland. Buildings passed them on either sides in the dim morning light. And just like that, the buildings began to shrink and the reservoir grew on their left. Just like before, the structures were too small to differentiate over the black looking water, the man pulled the truck into a pull off and came to a halt.

Dan and Phil stood and grabbed their packs before hopping out of the back if the vehicle.

“Thank you, sir!” Phil said from the driver side of the truck as he waved.

The man reached his arm out of the window and drove away without another word.

An orange glow started on the horizon above the town as the boys adjusted their packs so they could lean up against them as they sat on the ground.

Dan settled in close to Phil. “Did you enjoy our camping trip?”

Phil copied Dan and folded his hands over his stomach. “Besides almost getting eaten by a bear? Yeah. I’m actually looking forward to leaving.”

“Are you really?” It wasn’t that Dan didn’t think Phil could handle the change of lifestyle, especially after how well he had done the day prior, but Dan thought Phil would start getting cold feet.

“Yeah. I mean I have a lot to do before we go.”

“What are you going to do with all your stuff? Furniture? knickknacks? Extra clothes?”

Phil bit his lip and cocked his head towards Dan. “Honestly? I thought about donating mostly everything. I mean I love all my things. I always thought that people needed lots of things but, maybe I’m wrong.”

It still blew Dan's mind at how humble Phil was. He didn’t seem like a real person. Hell, if everyone was as open minded as Phil, maybe the world would be a better place.

“When's your lease end?” Dan asked as he twirled a loose curl around his pointer finger.

Phil scooted closer to Dan and down just enough to place his head on Dan's shoulder. “My landlord gave me the renewal papers last week. Gotta return them by Friday. If I don’t renew, we’ll have to be out by August first.”

A stillness fell around them and Dan felt at peace as the sun began to poke over the snow-capped mountains. Why hadn’t he just accepted Phil already? They were crazy about each other. Once again Dan felt a tremor in his walls. What was the point of holding up the heavy bricks of his past when Phil was clearly in for the long haul?

“So…are you letting it lapse?” Dan knew the answer. He wasn’t so dense that he didn’t believe that Phil whole heartedly wanted to leave, but hearing him say the words was a shove against the already leaning wall.

“Yeah. Yeah, we are really doing this.”

At that, Dan felt like he could cry. They were going through with it. In a month and a half Dan and Phil would be on their way out of Boulder.

“Howell.” Dan almost choked on the twister of emotion wreaking havoc in his chest.

“Ooooooooo!”

“No, you dingus.” Dan laughed making Phil’s hair tickle his jawline. “That’s my last name.”

“Daniel Howell?”

“That’s me.”

Silence ensued as the rising sun painted the sky in shades of orange and yellow until Phil’s stomach growled making Dan chuckle.

“Hungry, are we?”

“And starting to go through caffeine withdrawal. Can we go find coffee?”

They gathered their packs and back tracked to town, Phil not once asking about Dan’s confession, and for that, Dan was grateful.

 


End file.
